Getting to TRUE Love

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I Like Him But He Just Wants to be Friends

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A group of male and female friends are out together socially at a restaurant.
He acts like he likes me but says he just wants to be friends.

Where have we heard that before? It's an all too familiar one for most of us. And that's our letter writer's story this week, one of our beautiful readers who wants to remain Anonymous, so I'm calling her Lee. She likes a guy who only wants to be friends so she's wondering what to do.

Her letter:

So the thing is.... I like a guy from my school and he is amazing. Well, we talk a lot and we even text often.

But at the end of the day when I tell him I like him, he says he still wants us to be friends. I don't know what to do.

-Lee

My response:

Continue Reading

It Won’t Always Be This Way

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A woman in a white cotton dress is walking through tall grass.
Every day we wake up to an opportunity to choose something different.

If there's one thing I want you to take from what I have to say today, it's this:

It won't always be this way.

Most of how we respond, operate and act is based on the completely wrong assumption that it's always going to be this way.

That nothing is going to get better, we're never going to have the life we want, the new guy is never going to turn into the right guy, and that new job, new career opportunity is never going to happen for us.

It belies whatever we're saying on the surface because it's so deeply embedded in our subconsciousness. You don't even realize it's there except by the fact that nothing changes, nothing gets better, the new guy never turns into the right guy, and that new career opportunity never materializes.

See what happened there?

Nothing changes because we don't actually believe anything is capable of changing. For all our hope, for all our words to the contrary, our actual actions keep creating more and more of the same.

Because of that subconscious belief system again!

But things DO change.Continue Reading

He Never Messages Me or Starts the Conversation

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A beautiful woman lies in bed looking at her cell phone, wondering why he disappeared and won't answer her texts.
He only talks to me when we're together, in person.

Our letter this week comes from beautiful Dawn, who says her boyfriend doesn't want to call or text her.

Here's her letter:

Jane,

So my boyfriend will talk to me in person but never messages me or starts the conversation, and when I dont text him he get worried, but he says he doesn't like talking on the phone or texting.

And when I want to plan something with him I can never get a hold of him long enough to ask what we should do together - I mostly get hung up on in the first minute of talking, or he puts himself on mute so I can't hear him.Continue Reading

Why Love Always Seems So Complicated

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Unhappy couple after fight not talking to each other
Does this relationship that feels so complicated work for you?

Is it supposed to be this complicated?

That's the question I was asked by one of my clients the other day. And just like I explained it to her, let's settle this issue for you as well.

Love isn't complicated. It's only because the only kinds of love we've ever known have been complicated, convoluted and conditional that we're so confused on this one.

When you're with someone who isn't playing with your heart, who doesn't need to project their own insecurities onto you to cover their own to make themselves feel better, you simply have two people getting to know each other and building a relationship based on earned trust.

You navigate the relationship together.Continue Reading

Ugh! I've Been Ghosted Again

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A beautiful woman looks at her phone feeling confused over whether she should choose commitment or chemistry.
For the life of me, I don't know what happened.

Ever been ghosted? I talk to so many of you who have! Our letter this week comes from one of our beautiful subscribers, Kim, who has, too, and I know you'll identify with so much of what she's going through.

Here's what she wrote to me:

Hi Jane,

I am at my wits end! I truly feel like I may never find a decent man. I have been ghosted again. I thought he was different. We had gone out 3 times and talked or texted every day for about a month.

He is a single dad of 2 and he was very open about the challenges that might create. I was willing to work with it because he seemed so sincere and everything was there between us that I thought needed to be.

I did notice that we were not talking as much a couple of weeks in, more texting. He had a big project at work and was working long hours etc. He started sharing less and of course I thought it was me overanalyzing but I knew something was different.

My father left and pretty much never looked back so I know I have abandonment and trust issues. I try very hard not to let those fears and hurts dictate my actions when dating.Continue Reading

Look for THIS Instead

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A beautiful woman looks in a mirror wanting it to be the way it was.
It's time to stop second-guessing yourself.

Life is messy.

Relationships aren't fantasies.

Who you are and who he is are products of years of programming - mostly the subconsious kind neither one of you are even aware of.

Do yourself a huge favor right now (before you're in over your head) and choose someone who's on the same page as you. Someone who understands real vs. perfect and chooses real. I can't stress this point strongly enough; you only want to be with someone who you don't have to be anything but yourself around.

It's hard enough to make a relationship last for the long term in the very best of circumstances!Continue Reading

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