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He Won't Commit (and Do I Really Want Him To?)

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An eraser erasing the word commitment from the paper, symboliizing a man who won't commit.
He'd be happy to just keep me as his "weekend girlfriend" for years.

This week, beautiful Lee writes about her long term partner whose commitment issues are causing her to have some trust issues with him.

Here's her email:

I've been exclusively dating my guy for nearly 18 months.

It was only after we'd been going out for 3 months that I found out he had been separated for nearly 18 years, but never divorced. He knows I thought he was divorced and I wouldn't have gone out with him if I'd known he was only separated.

He goes on about how he never said he was divorced, but he said "my wife wanted the divorce," and naturally I thought he meant it had gone ahead.

He said he'd never pursued the divorce because of his daughter - now aged 23 - as he felt bad about leaving when she was very young. But the wife had told him to go, although he realises she thought he'd probably return and be totally subservient.Continue Reading

He Says He Wants to Marry Me, But Something Always Seems to Happen

16 Comments

A beautiful woman is sitting on the couch upset because she wants to be married and have children and her boyfriend does not want marriage.
I'm sick of it, but I really care for him...

This week, beautiful Kimberly writes to tell us about her (very) long term relationship with a man who just can't seem to commit to marriage with her.

Here's what she wrote:

I've been in a relationship for over 8 years. Well there's been a lot of stuff that has happened between us.

Today we aren't getting along at all. He lives with his mother and has a daughter who had kids. His daughter is 30 and the fathers of these kids will not have anything to do with the kids.

This guy has said he wants to marry me over the years and something always seem to happen to him that he won't marry me.

He acts like all he wants to do is be with his grandchildren and will make no time to build a relationship with us. There's nothing wrong with his daughter that she can't take care of her 2 kids but over the past 1.5 years we fight about this all the time.Continue Reading

My Boyfriend is Still Friends With His Exes

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A group of male and female friends are out together socially at a restaurant.
He started calling her a friend rather than an ex.

Gorgeous Sherrie writes about her long-distance boyfriend who likes to bring up his "accomplished" exes (who he still maintains friendships with) in conversation. She's wondering if her feelings about this are normal or if she's overreacting.

Here's her story:

Hi Jane,

My question is about my boyfriend's two ex-girlfriends.

My boyfriend is a wonderful man. We have been in a long-distance relationship (USA and Australia) for two and a half years. We FaceTime each week and SMS or text other days. We spent three months living together a year ago when I was working on a project in the US.

We see each other every 6 months. He is coming to spend Christmas and New Years with me this year.Continue Reading

One Big Problem Most Of Us Overlook In A Man

7 Comments

A woman is reading self-improvement books to understand herself better.
You're doing the work on yourself - why isn't he?

He’s got everything you’ve been looking for. Tall, dark, handsome – or its equivalent.

He treats his mother well, he’s lots of fun and attentive. He actually takes you on real dates and is intellectually stimulating as well.

And then there’s that connection you share. You felt it almost right away.

So far, so good, right? So far, really good!

But let's get back to basics. Back to the things we think we know, that we forget along the way.Continue Reading

Confused, Hopeless and Ready to Give Up

5 Comments

A beautiful woman sits on a bench, looking discouraged, wondering if it will ever work out.
I’m getting to the point where I feel like I might as well give up.

One of our beautiful readers, Abbie, writes to tell us about the confusion she's feeling with all the different dating advice out there.

Here's her email:

Dear Jane,

I’m so confused.

There are so many rules out there, I’m having a hard time figuring out what I need to listen to and what I don’t.

I keep working on myself, reading up on what I need to do, but I’m getting to the point where I feel like I might as well give up on ever finding someone because for all the work I do on myself, it never seems to be enough!

Then I end up feeling like there’s something wrong with me because nothing ever works out like it’s supposed to.

Can you help me?

-AbbieContinue Reading

The One Thing That Changes Everything When You're With An Emotionally Unavailable Man

18 Comments

Sad woman hugging her emotionally unavailable boyfriend and looking down.
It’s about understanding what makes one man capable of making a commitment and another completely incapable.

There are some women who come to me with a question that’s easy to answer.

When they ask if he’s worth the effort, if they should stay, if they should give him more time, the answer’s so clear from my outside perspective and with everything I’ve learned about this kind of man.

Without their emotional attachment, without their personal connection to this man who represents something they can’t yet see, I see so clearly someone who should never, ever be anywhere near them, let alone in a relationship with them.

But then there are the others. Maybe it’s you, too.Continue Reading

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