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Are You Asking for Too Much?

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Unhappy couple after fight not talking to each other
It’s not that you’re asking for too much, it’s who you’re asking it of.

It's a question I hear from so many of you: Am I asking for too much?

I need you to think about this one, because if we're ever going to stop taking this out on ourselves, we have to separate the two.

It’s not that you’re asking for too much. Oh you’re not!

For someone who’s on the same page as you, who’s ready for a real committed relationship and knows that’s exactly what he wants and nothing less, what you’re asking for is entirely reasonable and doesn’t need to be defended or explained to anyone!

But if we’re talking about someone who for all he may say he’s ready for a relationship but doesn’t show you with his real life actions that he actually is, then you're going to feel like you’re asking for too much for a very good reason.

And this reason is because there’s a disconnect between the two of you.Continue Reading

It's the Opposite of What We Think

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Beautiful young woman with long hair lying on the grass
What if you could look at it another way?

We look around and we see so much of what our culture calls strength among our friends, our colleagues, our role models, almost everyone it seems. They let things roll off them, they don’t take everything so personally, they walk away without looking back.

They make everything  look so much easier than the way it feels to us.

The way it feels to us.

It’s this part of us that gets the least amount of validation from the world around us and the people who are the least like us. In a world where success is evaluated by the measurable things that have nothing to do with our hearts, it’s no wonder we can feel so wrong, so misplaced, so counter to what we feel so otherwise pressured to be.Continue Reading

The Irony: Why the Ones Who Can’t Commit Choose You

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Definition of word irony in dictionary
Why is it that the ones who won't commit keep choosing us?

It makes no sense to you.

It can’t.

How can the very ones who can’t commit keep on choosing you? No matter how much you’re drawn to them, no matter how many times you keep finding yourself attracted to them, there’s another side to this.

He chooses you.

Why?

Because of the way you love. Because of the hope you give him. Because of exactly who you are.

This man you’re trying so hard to get a commitment out of, to prove why he should pick you, is exactly the man who needs you.Continue Reading

What Do I Do About His Commitment Issues?

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A beautiful woman is upset with her boyfriend over his commitment issues.
I want to settle down but he has commitment issues.

One of our beautiful readers, Charlotte, is at a loss to know what to do about her boyfriend's commitment issues. I know so many of you have similarly faced this in your own relationships, or are going through this now. I've given my response below, but I know she'd love to have your take on her situation as well.

Her Letter:

Hi Jane,

Due to your experience in the matter I thought that maybe you can help.

I have been together with my boyfriend for five years. We have had our share of troubles, but are still together. On an everyday basis he is nice to me - giving me massages, taking care for me etc.

However, whenever we talk about the future, he becomes indefinite. He keeps putting off having a family or marrying.Continue Reading

Our Biggest Mistake

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A beautiful woman sits realizing she's made a huge mistake in her relationship, as her boyfriend walks away.
It's time to see the reality.

Like so many of us, I used to wonder what was so wrong with me.

My relationships all started out with such amazing potential, only to end in utter heartbreak. I couldn’t understand why it kept happening, why he always changed from what he was in the beginning.

I was convinced there must be something wrong with me!

What I eventually came to realize was that he didn’t change at all; it was that I had created an image of him that he simply couldn’t live up to.

Of course it wasn’t only him. No, the truth was that I knew nothing about being real either.Continue Reading

Will It Be Worth It?

40 Comments

Female hands holding a sand in form of the heart
Oh, it will be!

We don’t want to have to do anything. We just want it to work out.

We do everything we can to prove that we belong, that we’re in the right place, that he’s the right one for us. We play the part, we take on the role, we pour all our time and energy into making this our place.

Except that forcing something that isn’t meant to be forced - that doesn’t want to be forced - never works out in the end.

Because it can’t.

If we were already in the place that we’re going to come to, we’d recognize that we actually don’t want it to, either.Continue Reading

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