Here's her email:
I have been dating this guy for around five months.
We aren't officially together yet but we have both expressed the interest in being officially together. He works night shift and has to work most weekends with his job and lives a hour and a half away.
I only get to see him once a week usually.
We have had many successful dates together even a weekend getaway. He seems like a total sweetheart and I Really like him a lot.
It started off with him first not contacting me and as much then last week he told me he needs some time to himself for awhile and he couldn't go into detail over text. I know he has been dealing with some work issues but I still can't help but feel I have done something wrong.
He hasn't talked to me since then.
Should I be worried that he may never talk to me again?
If there's something you know you did do, and you feel it was "wrong" - and it's something you feel you need to apologize for or explain - then go ahead and do that.
But if you're simply feeling like you did something "wrong" by being your true self, and that what's really going on is that you being yourself only revealed that the two of you aren't on the same page, then let it be.
Let him be.
Whatever he's going through has to do with him, and not with you. Whatever work issues he's going through are his own.
He's telling you he needs some time for himself for a while and is choosing not to go into detail. He's choosing to tell you this through a text message because he doesn't want to go into detail or have a discussion about it.
Don't make this about you and what you did or didn't do.
If there's only some ambiguous question of what that might be and you spend all your time and energy going back over and over what's in the past, you're going to miss out on what's here right now for you and in the future.
Do what you need to do to make peace with yourself.
But more often than not, Emma, when I hear words like "I only get to see him once a week", and your question "Should I be worried that he may never talk to me again?", I see an even bigger issue here than simply being worried that he's gone for good.
The issue of power, your own, and what you've done with it.
Where are you in this relationship, is my question? Are you the only one who wants more?
And my next question, why?
Why is there this imbalance? Why are you giving this man who only seems "like a total sweetheart", the power to determine your worthiness? Isn't that what this is really about?
You see, Emma, we always think it's about him, this particular person who you've decided is someone you want to be in a relationship with, but if he's not on the same page as you, if he's not putting as much effort into this relationship as you are, then it doesn't matter how much of a sweetheart he is or how much you like him; you can't be the only one invested in a relationship meant for two.
A real relationship with someone who is truly compatible with you with the staying power to make it through the ups and downs that all relationships inevitably go through, can't be one-sided with one person putting in all the effort and hoping to "get" more time with the other.
Otherwise, there's too much of an imbalance of power for it to work.
Both people need to feel worthy of their own accord. Both people need to know they're doing the choosing – and not be limited by the idea that they have to do something to "get" someone to want to be with them.
This isn't how real love and real, authentic, lasting, fulfilling relationships work. This is only what we settle for when we don't believe we're worth anything more.
That's why this isn't about him and what's going on with him, Emma, it's about you and what's going on with you.
Why do you want to be with someone who isn't making more time for you? Why do you want to be with someone who needs some space from you? Why do you want to be with someone who isn't choosing to have this kind of conversation with you in a way other than the cop-out communication of a text message? What does this reveal about you?
You're not going to change him and where he's at, but you can change you!
This is the beauty of these scenarios that we almost always miss. We become so lost in trying to turn back the clock and get someone back to the way it used to be, that we miss the beauty in the discovery of ourselves and what we couldn't otherwise have seen without this!
You're worth so much more than a man who isn't there, who can't see you, who says words that aren't backed up by real live actions.
Don't settle for this, Emma.
Getting to the root, finding the powerful you, and coming from a place of choice instead of settling for crumbs is your birthright, not something you might "get" to do. You, and every single one of us, deserve nothing less!
Do you have any other words of advice or encouragement for Emma? We all have something to offer from where we've been and what we've been through. Share your words of advice for her (and all of us) below in the comments!