Something happens to you when you start moving forward.
However you got here, whether you were searching on Google for some answers or looking for recommendations from friends, from the moment you reach out and become a part of this community through your comments, your emails, taking one of my programs or partnering with me in coaching, a subtle shift begins.
Something new or different begins to show up.
You might not even notice it (although if you're working with me I'll be sure to point it out) yet slowly but surely a shift happens.
Things begin to move.
No matter how small it may be, that it's happening at all is enough to show you it's real.
Because it is.
And this is only the beginning. When you notice these small moments, you're being given the chance to see the bigger ones that you could never see without first noticing the little ones.
They build on each other. They give you just that little bit more faith to go on. A little more trust, a little more belief, in yourself. And your power.
It's a foreign concept to so many of us. But that's what's going to change.
It's your energy that changes. It’s a momentum that builds. Until little by little you start to notice these subtle changes, too.
You might catch a glimpse and then it’s gone. But don’t worry; it'll be back. Some of my biggest life-changing moments were occurring in my darkest moments, when I had no idea that something more was happening beyond what I couldn't yet see.
It's why when I hear you talking about how much you regret what you did or didn't do, I know there's a redo coming for you to see what you're looking for. And so I'm never surprised when I get that email or that phone call that tells me you met up with him again. And said everything you wanted to say before, or found yourself holding back, because this time you could see what you didn't see before. This time you could see that you didn't say it then because you knew it would only scare him away.
You were right.
This time, you can see that reality. Of who he is and what he can't give you. And then when you're about to go to that familiar place where you get down on yourself again, I remind you of your power – that you created this and that this is just how powerful you are. Because it's no accident that he calls you while we're in the middle of a coaching session, right after we've come up with the exact words that best reflect what you really want to say. Or that he's come back into town right after we've talked and you've had that "aha" moment and feeling the strongest you've ever been.
Just watch what happens when you apply that power to what you discover within yourself that you actually do want; you’ll find out just how it finds you!
You've gotten so used to calling it heartbreak and rejection, you don't see that it's about your power instead. About you creating what isn't there and making it so! You don't see that you created him only to reinforce that you're not loveable, and everything else you think you aren't. You don't see that when you apply that same kind of power to what you DO want, it too will appear!
I know something about this.
It's the part I rarely talk about. The part you probably don't even know about me. Growing up with such a strong dogmatic religious upbringing, there wasn't much room for me and what I might believe.
But deep inside, no matter what anyone else said, somehow I knew what I felt couldn't be wrong. Those little signs, those small indications. Like the rain beginning when there was an especially hard day of bullying at school and I was afraid to go outside for recess and lunch, and the announcement came over the PA system announcing what was called “rainy day rules” – we would be staying inside under teacher supervision instead.
When I knew that somehow I wasn't being punished and opened my daily reading to an inspiring quote about how there's only grace for me. When I was certifying my US citizenship and discovered my US born mother had done everything exactly right in her transition to Canada in her late teen years even though she had no control of this herself, allowing me to pass through all the red tape to receive my US passport in the shortest amount of time possible.
When I was staying at my sister's condo while she waited for it to be sold, and it sold only after the last detail of my move to California was complete.
When I was so sure I wanted a hero type and suddenly found myself working in the Fire Academy through a hiring process that was anything but chance, while averting the formal interview process that would have had me competing with numerous other applicants.
When I was so convinced it was the money and power types I wanted and found myself working for the upper echelon of Newport Beach and LA Investment Banking firms. Including a former US Treasury Secretary and another who was the fiancé of Vanna White.
Yes, make no mistake, that was me and my old Honda Civic, from small town Canada to the life I could never have imagined for myself.
Yet, when I was ready for something real after exploring all those types that I thought I needed to be happy and loved, I met the man who would become my husband. Not just once. But twice. Once when we weren't ready for each other. And then over a year later when our paths crossed serendipitously again.
While I didn't recognize it then, what I know now is that when you are open and moving in the direction of what you’re convinced you want, life rises up to the challenge of delivering to you exactly that.
Yes, you can call them coincidences. Or anything else you want to call them.
But I’ve come to see this from an entirely different angle – from the only angle I've come to believe there ever is. The one that happens to you when you follow your heart, your dreams, your passions, your heart's desires.
It happens to you when you start somewhere, anywhere, with that first small, seemingly insignificant step, even if that's all you know.
When you're moving, it's so much easier for you to be moved. And when you're open to seeing something you've never seen before or adopting a different mindset from the old programming you've been hanging onto, just watch how much more powerful you get!
This is how you get from where you are now to where you want to be. This is how it happens. Don’t fight the twists and turns along the way that seem to be taking you backward. They’re not.
You’re in control now.
Scary? You bet.
But there’s nothing to fear. Love’s got your back.
And when you're ready to let go of everything you think you know, hold on tight. It’s going to be the ride of your life.
Jane, In the last 20 years, I have taken my relationship with this man from lovers to liveins to engaged then not engaged to a five year long distance relationship with only weekends together until I finally packed up what was left at his house and said goodbye. His new girlfriend to be was at the house the next weekend. Even with her there he continued to text me and call me until he finally convinced me to see him on the side while he showed her off to his friends and continued to tell me that he needed to break it to her gently because she was a very jealous person. I found your website by chance after reading an article you posted on Simple Reminders on Facebook. We were supposed to see each other on Easter Sunday and he text at the last minute and stated he would need to cancel and something inside me decided this would be the end all. I went to tell him face to face and surprise... his girlfriend was there with him and 20 years of frustration spilled out loudly on his answering machine so that she would also know what she was dealing with. Not my shiniest moment by far, but an instant sense of relief for living the truth and not allowing myself to feel bad for standing up for myself. She called me and asked for details and said "Thank You" you have cleared many issues up and then said "we are both better than him or any of this". I did talk to him the following Monday to gain some closure and since last Tuesday have not had any contact with him. He still claims to love me, but I doubted that for 20 years and just because he can bring himself to say it does not mean its so. I stated that I will no longer be willing to meet just his needs and stated my desire for the relationship on my terms and gave him until next Wednesday to say whatever it is he needs to clear up. Then if I have not heard from him or if he can not continue to be with me on my terms then I will deliver anything that belongs to him and there will be no more texts calls or contact forever. Talk about life changing fast... remarkably I do feel sad at times, but this has been an uphill struggle for 20 years. She begged him to take her back and in as much as I felt compelled that day to save her (she is exactly the same age as I was when I met him) only she can make that decision. She stated she did not trust him from the beginning, and ironically I can see myself in her and wish someone had clued me in way back then. Just as she said we are better than this, I see a long road ahead of her if she stays. I am wiser now and will take the single lane path that leads to myself. I text her one last time and wished her much happiness and told her that she deserves someone who will respect her and love her the way we all deserve to be loved.
Hi jane I met a nice guy who pursude me over 6mnths after I rejected his msges.but he kept my number and a yr later got in touch I replied we met up it was amazing laughter banter physical attraction on both sides passinate kissing ...he txt like a normal guy then 3rd date came to mine lots of foreplay kissing I was al ready for sex and I know he was to when he got up and said no no not tonight and left .I was so confused gagging for him and sex.now ive become the overtxter he ignores mostof my txtxs I nevet call just txt he only answers when I say enoughs enough ...then he answers and it starts again...is he a control freak help.I want him to come back to me but of his own doing.
It sounds like he's letting you know by his actions what he's comfortable with, Colleen. So when you become "the overtexter", he's not comfortable and backs off, but when you say "enough's enough" and back off, then he feels more comfortable with the space that's been created there, and comes closer. It's a push-pull type of relationship that's obviously triggering both of you in different ways. Of course you want him to come back to you on his own, but if playing games - and not being true to yourself and what you're actually looking for in a relationship - is the only way that he feels comfortable enough to come back to you, then you have to ask yourself if you're both really on the same page. Without that, what do you really have?
phew!this is exhilarating! how so true,I was in a guilt ridden relationship for the wrong reasons and when I finally decided to terminate it,its amazing how free,relieved I feel .l feel empowered to make a choice,and its amazing how you start noticing and meeting new people when you get rid of the buggage in your life. but Jane,this time am taking my time and I don't ever want to rush things ,marry for the wrong reasons or feel pressured into a relationship,I can actually be happy on my own .
Beautiful, Matinetsa - love hearing how you're feeling your own power like this. Take that time, there's never any rush with someone who's truly right for you!
Hi Jane:
Your words: 'catch a glimpse and then it’s gone'. That is what I have been doing
slowly but surely trying go get those glimpse to be gone 4/ever. Listening to you if a man loves or is interested he will pursue. If not you were just his convenience. That
keeps me strong to move on and he does not deserve me and I told him I want to be in
a true relationship not a platonic relationship and him tells me how it will be, his way or the highway. I am still mad when I think of those words he told me. I just need to let go and not email him but when I am mad or think of something that relates to us I email him. I just want to kick myself in the butt for letting myself into his world when it was not my world. 🙁 Hope drew me in and hope was my worst enemy.....
Don't beat yourself up, Catherine. We always do the best we can with what we know at the time.
Jane, you know what they say when the student is ready the teacher will appear.
Once again thank you for this profound message
I always feel you are speaking directly to me when you post your message
When we feel stressed or depressed we tend to lose our way and we start to listen to our ego chatter which can be soharsh and critical, it takes a lot of self love, persistence and determination to learn to just sit still and quiet the mind.
Reading your posts continues to make me realise how truly powerful we are, how the soul is here for a higher purpose and that no meeting is accidental, most of the time the people come into our life as a messenger a life lesson, I think we get disappointed and confused when we want them to be more than what there actual purpose is.
Thanks for being our soul sister
Blessings to you Jane
Rosy
This is so insightful, Rosy. Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this - and for your kind words. 🙂
I decided to stop seeing my boyfriend of over 2 years. I told him I wanted a ring and he didn't really say no, he just repeated the word rings. He said ad always he didn't want to merry me. I asked him if he loved me and he said he is working on it. I kept staying because a lot of things he use to say no too he now says yes. I use to ask him if I could go with him and his sisters on vacation and he would say no. He told me his sisters would be coming for vacation, I asked him if he was going to leave me behind and to my surprise he said u ou can come. He now calls me his girlfriend, he doesn't see anyone else and neither does I. He treats me like he loves me but says he is working on it. When I use to ask him if he loved me he would tell me no. Now he says I am working on it. It makes me not know what to do. He didn't really say no to the ring, I guess I cut him off before he gave me a finished answer. Things as I said that he use to say no too he now says yes.
I am to meet his 3 sisters this summer but I don't know should I stay a while. Longer. I have a problem with him not being able to tell me he loves me, but he treats me like he does. He defends me. He protects me. Always asking me if I'm ok, I went to visit my son in an other state, I drove he made sure I had the money for the gas. What should I do. Sorry this is so long.
Look beyond the ring, the words and all the other surface things, Joy, to see what you're really looking for. Does he give you that? Only you know what you can live with and what you can't. But when you get clear on what it is you're looking for, and the character and qualities of exactly who you want in your life, whether he and this relationship fits that description will be easier to see.
Jane- this is a very powerful post! Thank you. It's amazing the clarity you get once you really make that mind shift and recognize that the true power comes only from within. I feel that once you "get" this piece of the puzzle and then surrender, life will work out for our highest good. Its when we try to control or manipulate ourselves and those around us, in order to make things work, do we create our suffering. Thanks so much for sending out such a soul-centering post.
So glad this resonated with you, Steph. What you've added here is oh so true. One step at a time, we come to see more of what we couldn't see before, with a little faith and a little trust along the way. Thank you.
I agree with what you are saying... It all comes you when you are ready and have reached a certain point of strength in your life. But first you must believe in yourself and allow your self to grow and not allow anyone especially a man in your life bring you down. When you are down on yourself and not feeling like your in a good place it shows no matter how hard you try to conceal it. I've learned to change my focus on doing what I need to make myself feel strong and independent . Previously I would become involved with non committal men one after the next that would end up breaking my heart but only because I allowed it and wasn't feeling good about myself. It took me a long time to reach the point of strength and to feel positive about myself. Finally!!!! I still think about 2 of these men but I know they are not worth the pain and have finally reached the point to release them. Even if they came back ( which I'm sure they will - they always do at some point) I am stronger now and can recognize the difference . I have told myself that there is a better option waiting for me and when the time is right he will appear. I am waiting patiently but keeping myself very busy and occupied in the mean time.
So true, Lisa. Be so proud of yourself for walking through this process and for recognizing the need to walk through it at all! And thank you for sharing your story - you inspire me. 🙂
You're right. Whenever I left my relationship, I INSTANTLY felt that power and it was invigorating! While one moment, I was weak and exhausted, the next moment I realized how much more I deserved and with a flip of a switch I was this strong and joyful woman! I'm really happy to be myself.
...But you're also correct in that sometimes those dark days happen so that's why this post will be something I come back to on those days. Thank you 🙂 I know you're right, Jane. A new life is developing right before our eyes, even if I don't see it, most days I can feel it. It's great to have you on our side!!
That's exactly it, Looking for Hope! You've experienced this firsthand. It's only when the programming and the fear takes over that our doubts come in. Even when we don't see it - and sometimes, as I've learned so many times, especially then. So glad this spoke to you and you have these words now to remind you in those dark days that nothing has changed, no matter what we may feel. You are never alone in this. 🙂
I feel like I lost my power. I'm in my 70's and need to break up with my boyfriend because he's using me, cheating and hostile. I am ALL alone! I have no children or family. I'm in the social circles here with him and thrive as a socialite, but without him I am alone. Florida is not for me, they are blue collar workers in my area and I am creative, so without him I am bored.
I'd like to move to an art out west where I spent some time and know some people, but I would be ALL ALONE! At my age I am afraid of this. I have no support. I would have to be very strong emotionally, and at the present moment, before breaking up with him and after taking his demeaning behaviors, I don't feel strong. I don't know what to. Sorry to sound negative.
Never negative, Laurie; real. You don't have to apologize for how you feel; you always have a right to feel whatever you're feeling. It's part of being human. What is it you are getting from him? If he's using you, cheating and hostile, what else is there? It sounds like you're alone because you're longing for your people, for the ones who will understand you and adore you because they are more like you themselves. Find them. You are not all alone. Connect with them online if you need to right now. Find that place you're looking to go to and begin there virtually for now.
This type of strength and power doesn't happen all at once or even in one great leap. It's one step at a time. One tiny step in the direction of where you want to move in right now, without looking any further ahead. You'll feel more of your strength and courage when you get to that next place, from that tiny step. And from what I've learned, Laurie, we never feel as powerless as we do when we settle for someone who can't see us for who we are, who can't love us or appreciate us for who we are.
You don't have to do this in one drastic ending. You can start small by shifting the focus from him to you, to reaching out and finding the ones who you're meant to be with, who you can be your full true self with and have them love you back. Find them, look around for the artist/creative types just like you. Where do they go that's not too far from you - or online? Look up book clubs, meetups, community calanders, art/music studios and other creative venues where you can reach out and find the ones who are looking for you.
I know people in their 60s, 70s, 80s - even one who's 92!- who've begun life again when they removed from their lives what was zapping their energy and confidence away from them. It's never too late to start again, Laurie. Keep us posted!
Hi,
I am really encouraged,thank you for the email,really appreciate it.
Cheers
Martha
So glad, Martha. Thank you.
Great post as usual, Jane. Thank you.
I agree with what you're writing here. I've been seeing it first hand myself. There is indeed a shift. Mine has been coming about since I first found my way here and slowly but surely it has been sticking.
Life around me is changing, moving and I can't help but feel I'm moving forward. Just when I think I've fantasized enough about everything, life opens yet more doors for me that I had no idea were there. I feel so blessed with my job, the offers I've been receiving and overall everything I'm accomplishing. Love is there, just not in the romantic sense yet, but I feel it. My view on the subject has expanded tremendously and now I know that, even if I'm scared, even if things seem to be going awry, I'm still blessed and watched over.
Life is wonderful today after so many months or heartache and frustration. I'm still alone, but I'm not at all afraid or sad about it whatsoever.
Greetings to you from (what do you kno!!) a sunny Germany today.
You've described this process of growth so beautifully, Angel. Thank you for sharing. Enjoy your beautiful sunny day. 🙂
I agree and disagree with the writings in this blog. As I feel this can promote tos much romanticism dreamy like state about life. I believe you can only deal with what is in front of you right now. I am a romantic , and have definitely got lost in romanticism, but I am definitely practical, now a practical romantic about love and life. A healthy balance
Two of my friends met men after bumping into different times, we all thought it was fate, no matter what choice they made they were always going to bump into this men they ended up marrying. After a long struggle of meeting guys I would say 10 years of frogs. They and I have NO PATTERNS, we were being open to all types, and we all thought they met the right one. But they had similar struggles and ended up in divorce. Even though from being outside I can see the men had some immaturity and insecurity issues, they both wanted to be in the marriage. They made a commitment, but the men gave up, they didn't really try to hard like my friends did. I just feel you have to look at life black and white, the REALITY and at the current environment. For example if I was in the middle of a war torn country, lets say Palestine or somewhere in the middle east. I can be married or partnered with someone, we do not wait an avoid life and types , we cannot avoid struggle, illnesses disappointments. You deal with it, face it head on do the best you can and grow from it.
The only awful thing we women do, we beat ourselves up. When we are not control of our environment, there are no rules to life.
We make our choices and we have choice to fight and make a relationship work or leave. We have a choice which we can stick to until it doesn't work. I cannot support the romanticism of life, as much as I am a romantic, I feel that with the increase in ego and materialism that is dominating the world, its building instability psychologically, which is adding to the increase in divorce and broken families. Just my view
It is such a personal thing, MB. And I thank you for sharing your view. No one can tell you what to believe or what it is for you; you have to decide for yourself what that is and what that looks like for you and if it serves the beautiful woman you are. And even then, we always have the choice not to decide or choose anything at all.
Jane your intuition your knowingness, through the experience of being there, is so very on the mark. This last post on the power within is what we all tend to forget about ourselves.
Thankyou for your wisdom.
Kelly
Thank you, Kelly. It's that piece we don't often talk about, let alone see for ourselves, until someone reminds us it's all there.
HI Jane
Have just started a new travel adventure and am being well and truly put through my paces by Spirit .Every time I want to take a step backwards and crawl back to my safe little corner the universe says Nah.....and firmly closes the door.and then when I am out there dangling on the end of a branch thinking oh my god where to from here
Some thing lovely has seemed to be turning up just in the nick of time .......
I was sat on the beach the other day sitting in one spot drinking in the beauty of the place for ages and then as I got up to leave noticed right where I was sitting someone had shaped a little heart out of beautiful white whorly shells and I knew it was a message form the Goddess just for me to tell me she had me in her sights and heaven 'had my back'
Cheers
Wendy
Wendy
How I hear you, Wendy. Especially that urge to "crawl back to my safe little corner in the universe"! Any yet how beautiful that special message just for you to remind you that you're not alone, that you're exactly where you're meant to be, that someone or something is looking out for you. Thanks for sharing.
Thank u
You're so welcome, Amy.