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He Won't Stay and He Won't Go

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A beautiful woman with her face in her hands wonders what to do.
I'm just not sure what to do...

One of our lovely readers, Sunflower, writes to ask if she should move in with boyfriend who says he loves her, but whose actions may tell a different story ...

Here's what she wrote:

I met this guy 12 years ago, he loves me, but he is commitment phobic.

After 5 years, I gave him an ultimatum, knowing it was the wrong thing to do. I told him since other women are calling you it seems to me that you want to have an open relationship, let's do that.

I will date other guys, too.

He said fine, but when he saw me having dinner with someone else he totally changed and got really upset. He called me everyday, wanted me back.

I refused for a month.

One day I gave up. I left a guy with great potential, and went back with him hoping he would change.Continue Reading

Will He Ever Be Capable of Committing to Marriage?

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Will he ever be capable of making a real commitment?
Will he ever be capable of making a real commitment?

Our gorgeous friend, Anita, has written in to tell us about her boyfriend of 4-1/2 years who just doesn't seem to be able to commit to marriage.

Here's her email:

Dear Jane,

I left my live in boyfriend 11 months ago because he seemed to have no plans to ever marry me.

He also refused to communicate at all, by that I mean if I tried to talk to him about anything regarding my feelings or our relationship (which I did very seldom) he would completely ignore me & refuse to answer me, look at me or even acknowledge my presence at all.

This was ALWAYS the response no matter how loving I was he refused to speak or even tell me if we could discuss the issue another time.Continue Reading

Why He Keeps You Hanging On

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A woman walks away from a man with a rose in the foreground, symbolizing a break up.
Why won't he just make a commitment?

You’re perplexed. Puzzled. Utterly Confused.

On the one hand, he says he’s not ready for a commitment. He says he can’t give you what you’re looking for.

But then instead of letting you go, he shows up just enough to keep that hope alive.

Hope in him. Hope in what one day will be him and you. 

You’ve asked me why. You want to know what he’s doing, what his motivation is, and whether you’ve got a chance at things working out with him.

Could he not have meant what he said? Could he just be confused? Could it be that there’s hope for the two of you after all?Continue Reading

I'm More Confused Than Ever

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A beautiful woman is confused while reading a text from her boyfriend.
How long does it take for him to know?

Our beautiful friend, Jordan, was excited when her boyfriend of over a year asked her where she thought they were heading. But then his response has her more confused than ever and she's looking for some help!

Her story:

Hi Jane,

I've been getting your emails for quite some time now and I love your advice.

I met my boyfriend a year ago (today) and it's been an interesting journey so far mainly due to his job - he is in an elite group of the US Special Forces so he is constantly gone, sometimes little communication, a month trip here, 2 months there, etc. Currently, he is on his first six month deployment.

I think he's had a lot of time to think over there and is usually not an emotionally expressive guy so I was really surprised when I got a text from him yesterday asking "where do you see us headed in the future?" (we can't talk on the phone - only text right now so that is why he didn't call).

I was 100% honest with him.Continue Reading

He Says I'm Awesome, But He's Not Ready For a Relationship

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A blond woman scratches her head because she's confused by her boyfriends actions.
Help! I'm so confused!

I hear it so often. "Everything's going so well, but he tells me he doesn't want a relationship".

Sound familiar? Our lovely friend Ezi is going through this right now, and she's wondering what to do.

Her email:

I met this guy online and we seemed to connect really well.

We messaged each other about everyday, then he asked for my number and then we could talk about two days for 3 hours and sometimes we'd text. We'd take turns communicating with each other.

Then we finally met in person and it worked out well. We met two more times (one of them more recently).

Since we met online, he says he likes me and says I'm awesome (I guess it's because we have similar interests and I'm "good with words"), though he says he's not ready for a relationship because he's not over his ex from 3 years ago (he feels bad for how he treated her back then), he has too much baggage, he feels I am going places in life (in terms of career), and  he feels I deserve better.Continue Reading

If He Really Loved Me, Would He Have Let Me Go?

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A key lies on a table next to a red heart made from a ribbon.
All I wanted was a key!

Our question this week comes from our beautiful friend Janet, who has broken up with her boyfriend because he wouldn't move their relationship along to the next level of commitment.

Here's what she wrote:

My boyfriend of almost 3 years tells me he loves me and wants to marry me and move in with me ...but doesn't know when.

We live apart and only see one another on the weekends. I have asked for a key before to his apartment so I could wait upstairs for him when I arrive and he said it was against his values.

The other day I couldn't reach him all night....and we had a huge fight that lasted for days...when we finally spoke...I told him that I did not feel comfortable with our current arrangement and if he didn't want to live together at this time...that he should at least give me a key...so if I need to speak with him and can't reach him by phone...I can go to his house.

He said he loves me and wants to marry me...it could be as soon as next year...he doesn't know...but I already know his answer about the key and that will not change.

I told him I just didn't feel comfortable anymore...and I feel the key was kinda like the bare minimum I needed to hang in there at this point.Continue Reading

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