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This Is What You Need to Do About the Man Who Won't Commit

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A beautiful, exuberant woman is in a field with her arms raised towards the sun.
Do this first - then you'll know what to do with him.

I talk to so many women who all want to know what they should do about a particular man who's dragging his feet, who comes and goes but not on any schedule they can count on, who's all but living like a single guy while he's supposed to be in a relationship with them.

Every one of their friends tells them to dump him, but the truth is, until you're ready to dump him, you can't, you won't, and you're going to be miserable if you do.

You already know what you're going to do regardless of what I or anyone else say you should do. So I'm going to tell you to do something else.

Shift the focus from him to you.

Find out everything you can about why you are the way you are and how your personality combined with your environment to make you the way you are.

Find some people or animals or cause or something else outside yourself that desperately needs all that love you have for him, and pour your heart into that. Continue Reading

Is It Worth It?

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Female hands holding a sand in form of the heart
It's often so hard to have our kind of hearts.

Is it worth it? Is it?

Every rejection. Every loss. Every devastating heartbreak.

You don’t just feel it. You feel it in every part of your being. You live it.

It doesn’t just hurt. It stings like nothing you’ve ever felt.

Until it happens again.

And you experience it all over again.

Is it ever worth it?

That’s the question we need the answer to. Because it doesn’t feel like it.

Give us something that shows having such sensitive hearts like ours are worth it. We need to know it is.Continue Reading

I Was Only 9 Years Old

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A young girl sits on a bench by a lake, feeling invisible and alone.
When I learned how quickly it could all be taken away.

I've been judged my entire life. Some of you know this about me, most of you don't.

My worth was equated with being perfect.

When you have a dad who's a minister, you have to be. Picking up early on what it meant to be loved in my family, I learned to conform and earned the label of the perfect one, while my older sister rebelled against that conformity and was forced to leave our house when she was 14 years old.

I was 9 years old and the day I learned my parents had chosen my dad's church and upholding their image over their own daughter, I also learned that my perfect label wasn't just a label; it was a matter of life as I knew it or the very opposite.

It was confirmed for me that my worst fear as a child could happen; I could lose their love.

From that moment, I chose security and hid my true self until I left the country for college after I graduated high school.Continue Reading

I Was Beautiful for 3 Months

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Beautiful woman looking into a mirror.
I've said those exact same words myself.

It was just a comment that came into my inbox, but it was these words that caught my attention enough to know there was something more that needed to be said.

Why?

Because I've said those exact same words myself and I know so many of you have, too.

How many of us have felt these same words? When we're loved, we're beautiful. When we're no longer loved, we're no longer beautiful.

Isn't that what we feel?

There's no shortage of messages we receive that tell us we're beautiful when we're loved. There's no shortage of confirmation of those words from even our well-meaning friends and family who comment on how radiant we look when we're basking in someone's love.

We get the message.Continue Reading

Sure, it may be simple. But don't ever call it easy!

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A beautiful woman sits on a park bench wondering why she loves him.
And don't make it more difficult than it already is.

I've been talking a lot recently about the difference between something being easy and something being simple.

Like relationships.

And love.

And choosing something different than you're used to choosing.

Some of you get so down on yourselves because you get this in theory, but then you can't seem to apply it to your practical reality. You may have friends or family who make you feel like there's something wrong with you because it's not happening the way they make it seem like it should be, but the truth is, there's a world of difference between easy and simple.Continue Reading

When Do You Know?

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silhouette of feet of couple sitting on the pier at sunset beach, low angle view
After those first few months, here's what I knew.

That was her question.

In our group coaching session over the weekend, one of the women who's experiencing something that seems like real love for the first time in her life asked me about when my husband and I first said the words "I love you", and how I knew I was in love with him.

Here's what I told them ...

I didn't know what I was in with my husband. I only knew how different it felt, how real it felt compared to the fantasy kind of love relationships I was used to, the kind that broke my heart almost as soon as I gave it away.

It was a few months after we'd met for the second time. We were at his friend's wedding in Santa Barbara, California.Continue Reading

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