There’s something we do that affects our relationships and keeps us stuck in the same types of relationships, settling for the same type of men over and over again.
We don’t realize we’re doing this, it happens so subconsciously most of the time. He’ll say something about it when we first meet, or he’ll mention something about it as we’re getting to know each other better. It doesn't matter when he tells us, our reaction is invariably the same: we ignore it.
We ignore what he’s telling us.
It goes right past us; right below our radar. Instead of hearing it, processing it, taking it in and letting it sink in, we do just the opposite. We see it as our calling, as a challenge.
We believe it's our role to change this, or more accurately, to somehow change him. It becomes about us and no longer about him.
You know what I’m talking about here. It’s when he says something like “I’m not ready for anything serious”, “I’m still getting over my past relationship”, “I’m not looking for a commitment yet”, or “I just want to be friends”.
We don’t do the one thing we need to do here …we don’t believe him.
We do the opposite.
We believe we can change him.
Whatever excuse we give him, we believe we can help him. We think we can rescue him, we think we can love him enough to change this, that we can be all that to make him want to come around and make a commitment.
We've been waiting so long for someone like him to come along, that we don’t see the reality of what is. We don’t hear the reality of what he’s saying. And it doesn't even occur to us to consider it long enough to accept that he might just be telling us the truth.
By the time we realize this, by the time the words come back to haunt us and we remember exactly how he told us this in the beginning, it’s too late.
We’re hooked, we’re already in over our heads, we've already given too much of ourselves away, invested too much of our time and energy to go back, too much of our heart is on the line.
We waste all that time trying to convince someone why they're wrong, why they didn't know what they were saying. Instead of spending that time with someone who was ready to commit, who was going to fall in love with us, we spent all that time trying to make someone see all that we had and all that we had to offer them. We missed out on someone who was ready on his own, who could see for himself all that we are and all that we have to offer him, without us having to convince him of our worth.
It’s not too late.
There’s always a second chance with someone who’s truly meant for you, my beautiful friend. But it’s time to stop doing this to ourselves if we want to start changing the way we do relationships.
He’s telling you where he’s at. He’s giving you his warning signs. He’s being honest with you. He’s saying it because he means it. He doesn't want to be pressured. He doesn't want to be changed. He doesn't want you to take him on as a project. It's not your call to action.
He wants to be who he is.
This is how you free yourself.
This is how you find the love that’s right for you. This is how you make yourself available for someone who wants what you want and doesn't need to be convinced. This is how it’s going to be different this time.
And this is how you begin to do things different.