let go

I Just Want It To Be the Way It Was

A beautiful woman looks in a mirror wanting it to be the way it was. — I put myself out there everyday, only to feel rejected afterwards.

One of our beautiful, sweet readers, who has asked to remain anonymous, has been in a long distance relationship with her boyfriend of a year and a half, and has gone through quite a roller-coaster of difficulties, including cheating.

I've chosen to call her Plumeria, after the beautiful and fragrant flowers that are used to make Hawaiian leis.

Here's her email:

Jane,

My relationship with my boyfriend has been going on for about a year and a half.

We started dating after I got out of a two year relationship the same time that he did, and we kind of gave each other moral support. He was always someone I was attracted to, and I had admired his relationship, and I think I was the same for him.Continue Reading

Why You're Never EVER Meant to Give Up Hope

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A beautiful woman looks at the sky with a rainbow in the distance symbolizing hope. — You're not meant to let go of the hope!

I'm beginning to think no one's ever seen you.

Not for who you really are. Not for all you have to offer.

You've never let the ones who can see you have the chance to see you.

That's what this is really about.

You have no idea.

Really, you don't.

These ones who give you only a fleeting glimpse of yourself, are the same ones that are never capable of being anything more than what works for them. And that's why it's so brief.

Just long enough to give you a taste, and then it's gone.

It's no wonder you're consumed with how to get it back.Continue Reading

Ugh! He Has, Once Again, Completely Disappeared!

18 Comments

A woman has her head in her hands because her boyfriend has disappeared again. — I need to learn how to end this cycle!

One of our dear friends, Kim, has been in a relationship with a guy that keeps on disappearing on her.

Here's her email:

Hi Jane:

I read your article 'Why you're attracting Emotionally Unavailable Men' and it motivated me to take action with your Weekly Love Steps program.

I am well versed in working with steps as I’m in recovery through AA, and have been sober now for 19 months after spending 10 months in limbo relapsing, and trying my best to be a social drinker but thankfully am an alcoholic and believe that today.

It has been an incredible, life changing journey filled with misery and confusion at first and now an entirely new perspective on the world.Continue Reading

Will I Ever Find Someone Else?

28 Comments

Our gorgeous friend, who calls herself "Looking for Hope", has recently walked away from a really bad relationship and is worried that she might not find anyone else. (Sound familiar?)

Here's her email:

Dear Jane,

About 6 months ago I walked away from a really bad relationship.

We were together for 5 years and engaged for 2.5 years of that time. After he proposed, he refused to set a wedding date and made up every excuse in the book like “He wasn't ready,” "we needed to save more money", or “he wanted to get to know me more.”

I drove myself crazy blaming myself for his lack of commitment and in order to put us in a better financial position I dedicated myself to paying off all of my student loans and investing in savings.

Once we got engaged, he became a workaholic where his career was his number 1 priority and starting a family or having a relationship with me was always on the back burner! I did and tried EVERYTHING, until one day it hit me that this had nothing to do with me and it had everything to do with him and his inner issues.

So, I told him that this wasn't fair anymore that I was ready for the rest of my life whether it was with or without him, that whenever I agreed to getting engaged to him we made plans of prioritizing each other and a future family and now his work was becoming the center of his life and that was not a life that I had agreed to.

It was time for him to decide what road to take, a marriage with me or the career that would make him millions of dollars.Continue Reading

I Don't Want Him to Have the Last Word

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A woman is looking at her tablet reading a nasty email from her ex after a break up. — I want to respond to his nasty email, but I know I shouldn't.

Our gorgeous friend, who I'll call "Madeline", was very hurt by a nasty email from her ex after their break up. She's having a very hard time letting go, and wants to let him know just how much he has hurt her with the things he said.

Here's her email:

Thank you for all of the tips to make this new year successful!

I am a 58 year old woman that was in a long term (17 year) on and off relationship. Right after New Years, he broke it off (not the first time) and said some very hateful and nasty things when he did (via email, of course).

Maybe I should back up a little.....

I live in CA and he lives in Oregon. I have lived in Oregon with him and he has lived in CA with me and 3 times we have gone our separate ways, only to eventually work things out and get together again.

8 years ago, he lived with me in CA and I asked him to leave he had a horrible gambling problem and had started to put walls up all around.Continue Reading

Am I Not Meant to Find Love?

63 Comments

A drawing depicting a man and a woman getting married against a white background with a red slash through it symbolizing she is not meant to find love. — I always wanted a husband and family, but what if it's not meant for me?

One of our beautiful readers, Annie, is heartbroken after a recent break up, and is questioning whether she's just not meant to ever be in a loving relationship.

Here's her email:

Hi Jane,

It's been less than two months when I broke up with my ex who lied to me just about everything and cheated on me with number of people. In fact the 10 months he made me believe he loved me, he never did while I was in love with him.

He was honestly the worst person I've met. He broke my heart, took an advantage of me and it still hurts a lot.

Since then I have slowly started healing but this break up has made me almost lose hope sometimes.

I'm 35 almost 36 and not getting any younger.

I have also met not only one but many wrong guys and although some people always say I'm a relationship type person I seem to be alone year after year.

The last relationship being the tip of the ice berg of him taking advantage of me, of wrong person since I had been alone for a very long time before that also only having short 3 month things with other wrong people.

He chose wrong and it was unfair 'cause I am not like the others.

I'd rather be alone and happy than be trying to find someone through online dating or going to nightclubs and bars to look for someone. I don't need someone to hug me just for fun. If I ever meet someone it is because we share something in our hearts and that now brings me to question my life.

What if I am just not the relationship type of person?Continue Reading

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I Just Want It To Be the Way It Was

Here's her email:

Why You're Never EVER Meant to Give Up Hope

Ugh! He Has, Once Again, Completely Disappeared!

Here's her email:

Will I Ever Find Someone Else?

Here's her email:

I Don't Want Him to Have the Last Word

Here's her email:

Am I Not Meant to Find Love?

Here's her email:

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