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Friends to lovers to I don't know

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Worried woman talking with boyfriend
Was I wrong to tell him how I feel?

Our letter this week comes from Kayla, who doesn't know what to make of the friendship/relationship she's been in with a guy for the past 4 years, and is looking for some help to understand what happened and what she can do to get him back.

Her Story:

Hi Jane,

I've been stuck in a never ending spiral that's worsened these past few months and feel completely out of control of my life and my feelings.

To give some background information, I have been friends with this guy for 4 years, from the end of high school to now, in college. Our relationship has always been flirtatious and full of banter and making jabs at each other.

Through him, I became best friends with his friends.

Recently, we've taken a couple steps forward from our initial friendship. Sure we've had moments in the past where it was this back and forth 'will they, won't they' situation, but nothing ever solid came from anything (and to be quite honest, because he would always pull back).Continue Reading

It Feels Like There's No Spark Anymore

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Couple not talking after a fight on the sofa in living room at home
He’s always on his phone or watching Netflix.

Our letter this week comes from Julie, who's feeling like the man she's in a relationship with just wants someone by his side rather than having the emotional ties of a relationship. Here's her story. I know many of you will recognize just how familiar it feels to you, too.

Her Story:

Hello! I just got to your blog and read the majority of the questions posted. I wanted to ask for something I wanted to look for that wasn’t answered. Here we go.

So my boyfriend of 7 months broke up last month. But we got back together and went into 7 months a week ago. However, ever since we got back together , he barely texts or calls me.

Whenever I try to reach out I get messages every 2 or more hours. Today was the only day he was free and we could’ve talked all day but he has not done so.Continue Reading

Is He Really a Bad Texter or Am I Just There to Fill in His Lonely Time?

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Close up of womans hand using mobile phone on a bokeh background, symbolizing that her boyfriend doesn't text her.
Why doesn't he want to text me?

Our letter this week comes from one of my readers who's not sure what to make of her new "boyfriend", or if he's even her boyfriend. Sound familiar? Read on to hear more of her story and my response ...

Here's her story:

Hi Jane,

So I’ve met this guy via an online app around 1.5 months ago and we’ve been seeing each other ever since then (once or twice a week during the weekends).

We haven’t had the "define the relationship" talk yet but there was one time he called himself “boyfriend” (first few dates) but I only realized it a few days after as I wasn’t really concentrating at that moment.

One time, he also told me how lucky he is to have me as his girlfriend but I did not question him because it was already a late night and I was exhausted so I decided to let it go.

I have been thinking of bringing this relationship talk up but I’m worried he might feel pressured about it so I am just giving us a little bit more time. I am also questioning as to why he would just assume I became his girlfriend before asking me or having the talk.Continue Reading

Does He Just Want a Friend With Benefits?

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Friends with benefits written on a stop sign.
After 3 years we suddenly became FWB!

Our beautiful friend Julie is going through an age old problem so many of us have encountered before; the guy who wants all the "benefits" but doesn't want the relationship!

Here's her email:

Hi there, I am not a younger lady, I'm a mature 56 year old and never needed an answer to a personal matter before!

I have been friends with a man for 3 years now and nothing but friends, going for drinks and a meal, to a meal at his. No hugs or a peck goodbye until about 2 months ago we became friends with benefits!

We have always texted mostly daily throughout the 3 years, mostly him first.

I started to have feelings 18 months ago but never told him. Since the friends with benefits started, my feelings have become stronger and I couldn't hide it from him! He likes me very much and we really get on but he doesn't want anything more, like a relationship!

I have backed off and he's still trying me, asking what I'm doing or what have I done and have a nice day but I haven’t replied!Continue Reading

Everything Was Perfect, But Now He Just Wants to be Friends

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Happy young man and woman driving along country road in convertable at sunset. freedom adevnture roadtrip!
He broke things off, but now he wants to be best friends!

One of our gorgeous readers, Angela, has found herself stuck in the friend zone after the guy she was dating decided he wasn't ready for a relationship after all. The problem is, he wants to be close friends, but she still has strong feelings for him - she doesn't know what to do!

Here's what she wrote:

Hi Jane,

I was seeing someone for about a month. Everything was perfect until he dropped a bomb on me saying that he thought he was ready for a relationship, but he is not.

He says a relationship is not in his mind set, he just want to take time and find himself and figure out what he wants. He says he's not seeing anyone and not interested in dating anyone. He just wants to take care of himself.

But here's the thing, he wants us to be friends, more like best buddies. He keeps in touch everyday, we chat everyday. He checks on me if I don’t respond to his chats, he comes to my house just to say "Hi".Continue Reading

He's Playing With My Heart

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A beautiful woman sits on a swing looking at the ocean, wondering why he's playing with her heart.
He's playing games with me and it really hurts.

One of our beautiful readers, who has chosen to remain anonymous (I've called her "Hurting"), has been dating a man for 3-1/2 years who has been playing with her heart, but she just can't bring herself to let go.

Here's her story:

Hi Jane:

I would like to start off by saying how much I enjoy receiving your newsletters everyday. Sometimes, when I read them, I feel like you can see right into my current situation.

I have been with a man for 3 1/2 years now (IF you want to call it being with) who has been playing with my heart. For the first year and a half, he made it very clear that I was just a temporary fixture in his life. He did tell me that he couldn't promise anything, and who knew what tomorrow would bring.

But, he would lie to me a lot.Continue Reading

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