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Is He The One For Me?

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A happy couple in love embrace outside.
How will I know if he's the one for me?

You want to know. No, you need to know.

Is he The One for me?

I get asked this question all the time. Did I know my husband was the one when we were dating? How long did it take before I knew for sure? And how do you know?

Is it the way he makes you feel?

Is it how he treats you?

Is it how much chemistry there is between you?

Well, I can tell you that when we first met, I didn’t know for sure. In fact, since we met twice (with a year and a half between the first and the second time) I can tell you that the first time I definitely didn’t know for sure.

But was it because of anything to do with him? Or was it more likely because I had learned from my long line of heartbreaking experiences with men that it takes more than a date or two to know for sure if anyone is the one?Continue Reading

Do What Feels "Light"

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Woman opening curtains in a bedroom letting the light shine on her.
Often it's simply a matter of choosing what feels "light."

I like to think of it like the light.

We can know what we don’t want, what isn’t right for us, by what feels dark, scary. What we’re afraid of.

So if we’re afraid to lose him because we don’t know if there’s anything better out there, that would be the dark.

But then there’s this beautiful place of light that few of us have been told about. It’s where we find what we do want.

It’s like marching for what we want vs. protesting against what we don’t want. There’s a beautiful difference there that happens in the energy you create and put out there.

So when you focus on what you do want instead of what you’re afraid of that you don’t want, you’re in the light. We know if something’s right for us by whether we feel like we’re in the dark or the light.Continue Reading

Finding Real Love

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Beautiful happy couple in love enjoying embrace of each other and tenderly smiling
It's real love. The kind I always wanted but didn’t quite understand until now.

You’ve asked me what it looks like. You’ve asked me how it happens.

And as much as I try to give you words that I hope will resonate most with you, there is nothing that compares to hearing from someone who was just like you, asking me these same questions.

Someone who wanted nothing more than to know the "what" and the "how" as well.

You met her on the blog about a year and a half ago, when she wrote to me after a devastating breakup, questioning "Will I Ever Find Someone Else?" Now, I have a follow-up letter from her that she wrote to share with our community.

Here's her story:

Dear Jane,

I have been meaning to write you for some time now to update you on my journey.

I’m not sure if you would remember me, but I wrote to you about a year and a half ago, writing under the alias “Looking for Hope"...

I had just ended an engagement with an emotionally unavailable man; I felt so heart-broken from my past and scared for the future, but what I felt the most was confusion. I didn’t know how or why what had happened with my ex-fiancé happened, but deep down I knew there were answers to those questions.

It was your blog and coaching sessions that was the beginning of me peeling away to get to the root of that confusion.Continue Reading

Our Biggest Mistake

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A beautiful woman sits realizing she's made a huge mistake in her relationship, as her boyfriend walks away.
It's time to see the reality.

Like so many of us, I used to wonder what was so wrong with me.

My relationships all started out with such amazing potential, only to end in utter heartbreak. I couldn’t understand why it kept happening, why he always changed from what he was in the beginning.

I was convinced there must be something wrong with me!

What I eventually came to realize was that he didn’t change at all; it was that I had created an image of him that he simply couldn’t live up to.

Of course it wasn’t only him. No, the truth was that I knew nothing about being real either.Continue Reading

The Truth About Just How Ready You Have to Be

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Love your self paper bubbles with clip hanging on the line against purple background.
Yes, love yourself - but what does that really look like?

We all know the importance of self-love. We’ve heard it so many times, we’ve got it memorized.

You have to love yourself first because someone else can love you.

But what does that really mean?

Does it mean we have to be alone until we get this right? That there’s no hope for us to attract that special someone in our life until we’ve reached a certain level of self-love and emotional, relational health?

That’s just about enough to cause us to give up completely.

Why bother when it seems like we’ll never get there? Why try when everyone else must already be there since they’re meeting him and we’re still so far behind? And while we’re at it, why hope at all when we just keep meeting the same type of men over and over and over again?

Except that this isn’t the whole story.Continue Reading

She's You

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fantasy. woman in enigmatic meadow over cloudy sky
She has an important message for you...

She slowly comes into view.

Happy. Content. Peaceful.

You’ve been through it all. And now you’re there. He’s there with you. The one you thought you missed.

You didn’t.

The one you thought you’d never find.

You did.

The one you never dared to believe could find you.

And of course he found you.

How could he not?

All those things you thought were taking you away from all chances of ever finding him. They’re how he found you!Continue Reading

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