feel worthy

I Was Beautiful for 3 Months

Beautiful woman looking into a mirror. — I've said those exact same words myself.

It was just a comment that came into my inbox, but it was these words that caught my attention enough to know there was something more that needed to be said.

Why?

Because I've said those exact same words myself and I know so many of you have, too.

How many of us have felt these same words? When we're loved, we're beautiful. When we're no longer loved, we're no longer beautiful.

Isn't that what we feel?

There's no shortage of messages we receive that tell us we're beautiful when we're loved. There's no shortage of confirmation of those words from even our well-meaning friends and family who comment on how radiant we look when we're basking in someone's love.

We get the message.Continue Reading

I Really Don’t Want to Let Go

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Beautiful woman sad sitting on the window sill and painting on glass feeling heartbroken because it's hard to move on. — I have never met someone so compatible with me.

Ever met someone you liked so much right away? And the more you got to know him, the more you liked him, the more compatible you thought you were until that's all you could see? Our letter this week is from beautiful Cindy who's going through this now, and a whole lot more.

Here's her story:

Hi Jane,

I’m going through a very heartbreaking, difficult time now.

I have been dating this guy for 5 months. We had a lot in common and we really got along together. We spent every weekend together since our first date. He’s the one I’ve been looking for, and I like everything about him. The more I know about him, the more I like him.

I even seen him as a potential partner.Continue Reading

Why Do I Have to Do All This Work? Why Not Her?

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A beautiful woman looks in a mirror wanting it to be the way it was. — It begins right here, looking in the mirror.

I’ve been thinking about you.

Thinking about how to put into words the core meaning of my message to you.

Yes, it’s about finding out who you are and shedding old programming, etc. But the question you explicity ask is the one that needs more of an answer to get to the real root of what I’m talking about.

Why? Why do I HAVE to do this work? Why does SHE get to find love, get married, find someone to love her for who she is? Why does SHE get him without doing all the work? Why do I HAVE to go on this journey to figure out who I am FIRST?

Why me? Why not HER?

We're angry. So angry. Most of which we’re not even aware of.

But we can’t be angry. We may get sad, but we don’t do angry. Maybe frustrated – as we’ve learned to downplay it because it won’t fit the good little girl image we have to uphold at all costs - but not angry. Because that’s scary.Continue Reading

The Last Layer

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A beautiful woman looks out the window at the sun shining through realizing she has a fresh start. — There's one more layer you haven't uncovered yet.

When your view of yourself is limited to the words you heard growing up as a child from people who had so many of their own issues, because they didn't know how to love themselves let alone love you, their words become your own.

You don't see yourself as lovable, beautiful, spirited, passionate, confident.

You see yourself as flawed, unlovable, clumsy, messy, stubborn, lazy or whatever other words were thrown at you.

As adults, when we don't understand these underlying roots of our assumed identities, we attract people who are familiar to us. People who remind us of our parents, who have a similar view of us as we're used to.

As much as we can hardly bear to hear those words spoken or implied again, it's the only thing we know.

That's why separating those early roots from our reality today is such an important part of creating healthy relationships. We have to first be attracted to healthy people before we can form healthy relationships!

Ugh! I've Been Ghosted Again

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A beautiful woman looks at her phone feeling confused over whether she should choose commitment or chemistry. — For the life of me, I don't know what happened.

Ever been ghosted? I talk to so many of you who have! Our letter this week comes from one of our beautiful subscribers, Kim, who has, too, and I know you'll identify with so much of what she's going through.

Here's what she wrote to me:

Hi Jane,

I am at my wits end! I truly feel like I may never find a decent man. I have been ghosted again. I thought he was different. We had gone out 3 times and talked or texted every day for about a month.

He is a single dad of 2 and he was very open about the challenges that might create. I was willing to work with it because he seemed so sincere and everything was there between us that I thought needed to be.

I did notice that we were not talking as much a couple of weeks in, more texting. He had a big project at work and was working long hours etc. He started sharing less and of course I thought it was me overanalyzing but I knew something was different.

My father left and pretty much never looked back so I know I have abandonment and trust issues. I try very hard not to let those fears and hurts dictate my actions when dating.Continue Reading

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I Was Beautiful for 3 Months

I Really Don’t Want to Let Go

Here's her story:

Why Do I Have to Do All This Work? Why Not Her?

The Last Layer

Ugh! I've Been Ghosted Again

Here's what she wrote to me:

Does It Feel Like It’s Never Enough?

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