Getting to TRUE Love

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Feeling resentful? Here's why that's so NORMAL!

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Woman sitting by a lake feeling all alone in her relationship.
Could I really be right back here again?

I was on a call last week with a beautiful woman I'm coaching all the way from Africa. Our community has reached all around the world!

She was struggling with her deep - and completely justified - feelings of resentment after finding herself in yet another relationship where she's put in all the effort to keep a relationship going only to have it end in disappointment.

"When am I ever going to get this right, Jane?!" she asked me.

I empathize with her after voicing these same words more times than I ever thought possible.

"Could I really be right back here again?" For every one of you who've ever uttered these words, we all commiserate with you!

Who among us hasn't responded from our default hard-wired programming that tells us when someone pulls away, you try harder, you do more, you give more of yourself? Who of us haven't found ourselves doing what we would be so much better to do when it feels so counter-intuitive to our rising panic - to stop and let him come to you?Continue Reading

How You Get The Guy For REAL

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A beautiful woman has her eyes closed representing a panic attack.
It's all about what you believe.

If it feels like you've been on this search for what seems like forever, you're not alone.

Everyone has their own version of what you're doing wrong, or what you need to be doing instead. Just ask anyone, and the number of different answers you get is enough to make anyone completely confused.

In all my years of coaching women of all ages, from all walks of life, in every corner of the world there's one common denominator that stands out.

What you believe.

The women who find love, who find what they're looking for in life, believe it's possible to find something good.

It may not seem like anything significant, because after all, how does something as intangible as what you believe translate into something as practical as meeting someone? For those of you who live and breathe the practical, the logical and the measurable, it seems almost laughable.

When all you feel is PRESSURE

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A beautiful woman holds her head questioning if she's in a healthy relationship.
That's your real worst fear, isn't it?

One of these days, Beautiful, you're going to get up enough nerve to finally do that thing you keep telling yourself you can't do. That thing you think you're not good enough to do. That thing that you think someone else will always be able to do better than you.

And you're going to go be that person you've always thought could only be someone else.

You're going to stop looking in the mirror so critically at everything you think you have to change first. You're going to stop looking at all those milestones someone arbitrarily decided for you.

And you're going to choose your own goals and plans and dreams instead of waiting to see if you can get enough approval for your own.

You can't do this with someone breathing over you (either figuratively or literally) telling you who you are or what you're supposed to be.Continue Reading

Why Love Always Seems So Complicated

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Unhappy couple after fight not talking to each other
Does this relationship that feels so complicated work for you?

Is it supposed to be this complicated?

That's the question I was asked by one of my clients the other day. And just like I explained it to her, let's settle this issue for you as well.

Love isn't complicated. It's only because the only kinds of love we've ever known have been complicated, convoluted and conditional that we're so confused on this one.

When you're with someone who isn't playing with your heart, who doesn't need to project their own insecurities onto you to cover their own to make themselves feel better, you simply have two people getting to know each other and building a relationship based on earned trust.

You navigate the relationship together.Continue Reading

Taking Off the Mask

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Beautiful woman with a carnival mask.
Sometimes we don't even realize we're wearing a mask.

You’ve been told so many things.

You’ve been told who to be. You’ve been told what to say. And you’ve been told that it all matters IF you want to find love.

You’ve been told so many stories so that you’d see why someone else knows so much more than you do. You’ve been told to trust, to have faith, to listen to what someone else knows.

After all, you’re single, right? Or worse, you’re in love with an emotionally unavailable man who can’t seem to commit. Or maybe you’re involved with a married man who can’t seem to give you anything more than empty promises.

But whatever your situation, there’s one thing you’ve got in common with everyone else who’ve been told all these things; you’re scared. Underneath the hurt, the anger, the frustration, the pain, you’re afraid it’s never going to happen again.

You’re afraid it’s never going to change.Continue Reading

The Right To

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Young smiling woman outdoors understanding her right to.
You have to first understand you actually have the right to.

Every single one of the answers to your questions becomes clear when you focus on just one thing.

Your power.

That’s it.

Everything else you’ve been told carries so much weight. Everything to do with "Should I call?", "How long should I wait to text?", "Should I break up with him?", "How long should I wait for a commitment?"

Every one of our questions has to do with us owning our own power and remembering who we are in light of that power.

It’s the opposite of ourselves as victim, or ourselves as powerless to change what we’ve resigned ourselves to.

I can’t stress this enough. Question why. Ask yourself why.Continue Reading

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