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Relationships

The Relationships category contains posts regarding the stage after dating, in which you are generally in an exclusive monogamous relationship. The Relationships category includes posts on such topics as meeting the family, commitment, is he the right one for you?, etc.

When “No-Contact” Doesn’t Work

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Portrait of young pretty woman sitting at a table wondering if no contact will work with her boyfriend.
Am I just fooling myself thinking I can do "no contact"?

We’re told we’re strong if we just cut our losses and walk away.

Go “no-contact”, we’re told, and we’ll feel better faster.

They’ve heard enough from us. These people who love us and only want the best for us, can’t understand why we would put ourselves through this even one moment more.

And so, with heavy hearts, but a strong resolve, we say goodbye, we shut the door, and we finally let go and move on.

We don’t answer their calls or texts. We block them on social media. We block their number.

We strengthen our resolve with calls to our girlfriends who remind us just how much better off we are without them.Continue Reading

He's Perfect, Except For...

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Close up of a male musician playing acoustic guitar
He'd be absolutely perfect if it wasn't for this one little thing.

The letter this week covers a topic that I hear from so many of you that I almost could have just written this as an open letter to the community!

Here's her email:

Hi Jane,

In November, I met a wonderful guy.

After the first date, he and I agreed that we felt a strong connection and wanted to date each other exclusively. My boyfriend is truly a great guy with all the qualities I've been looking for in a potential husband and father to future children.

We've talked of getting married and having a family in the near future.

Now for the part I'm struggling with and could use some advice...but let me start off by saying we do have an age difference...I'm 28 and he's 20. My boyfriend is unemployed. He has been since before we started dating.

I expressed my concern for this situation at the very beginning. He lives with his grandparents. He's basically the only member of the family that helps them with daily needs and chores around their house.

He uses his grandmother's vehicle.Continue Reading

I Have Almost No Self-Esteem Left

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A beautiful woman with her face in her hands because her self esteem is so low.
My self esteem is completely gone because of his hurtful words.

What do you do when the relationship that you're in has simply worn you down to the point that you have almost no self-esteem left, but you just can't bring yourself to let go and move on? Our story this week comes from gorgeous Angelina, who can't imagine life without him, but is feeling completely broken down at this point.

Here's her story:

Hi Jane.

Please allow  me to preface this to say that my husband is my first real love and I have identified myself with my marriage so long that not only is this excruciating but I also have almost no self esteem left because I forgot who I was.

From day one I always had misgivings about the person who is now my husband and we even argued a little on our first date but I let his other qualities shine through and chose to ignore his anger and tendency towards cruelty until the more problems we faced in life, (his overbearing, overly intrusive Eastern European minded mother and housing issues along with his demanding job) took a toll on me.

I felt we didn't handle any of these issues as a team, just him wearing me down with his anger and near total hatred of me until I caved in but this never felt right so I'd stand up for myself by getting angry at him.

He is so stubborn and his mother has messed his mind up so much, (she is very very good at guilting him and passing on her hysterics to him, she wants to be the first person in his relationship calling all the shots of the marriage), that I found myself reacting in anger and frustration to try to get him to do anything good for himself.Continue Reading

Is He The One?

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Angry girlfriend shouting at boyfriend showing text messages from other woman on his mobile phone.
My heart believes he's the one, but in my mind I know it's not right.

I receive so many letters asking this question. The stories may be different, from women from all different walks of life, all different ages and from all different parts of the world, but the question is always the same.

Is he the one?

It’s easy for me. After all, without the emotional attachment, I’m able to hold an objective view that you can’t see when you’re so emotionally invested.

But there’s one thing that I use to make that assessment more than anything else. What you say.

When you tell me you love him BUT. When you tell me he could be the one EXCEPT.

When you have all the reasons he could be but then in your words you say the one thing I’m waiting for, you tell me everything. Everything.

That’s where you need to go, Beautiful.

There. Right there.Continue Reading

It's Your Choice

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It is always your choice written on a blackboard.
Never, ever, forget this part.

You look back.

You look back at what was, not what is. You retell the story of how it should have been with your memory of what you did wrong.

It’s not too late!

Throw out the convention. Throw out the desire to have it the way your mind says it has to be.

This is your choice. You get to choose what terms you’re willing to accept.

This isn’t about him, it’s about you.

I’ve been working with a woman for years now, who has been trying to change the man she loves. She's miserable without him, and so is he without her. But together, they fight.Continue Reading

How Do I Let Go and Find Happiness?

14 Comments

A heartbroken woman with her head in her hands, wondering how do I let go?
I can't seem to let him go and let myself be free.

This week, I've chosen a letter from one of our beautiful readers, Elizabeth. She's suffered a huge heartbreak and she's wondering how she can let go, move on, and finally find happiness in her life.

Here's her email:

I've been reading your blogs for a few years now.

I know you have answered questions and given advice about letting go, freeing yourself from your past, etc. I feel like I have a unique situation though and I am really at a loss for how to truly put it in my past.

I dated the same guy off and on from 2007-2016. Our break-ups were always very bitter and sad, and I would spend months trying to heal and forgive him and myself. Every time, once I got to the point of finally accepting everything with him, he would pop back into my life.

He would tell me how he loves me, how sorry he is for everything, and would want to give us another try. He knew I never fell out of love with him.

The break-up before the most recent one, I wrote him a letter telling him why I think our relationship didn't work and I was ready to accept that we will never be together, but I needed some closure so I wrote the letter.Continue Reading

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