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Inspiration

The Inspiration category contains posts intended to inspire you to be your best in both love and in life. To remind you that you are beautiful, that you have worth, that you deserve the best that life and love have to offer. The Inspiration category also includes a collection of various poems, stories, etc. that have given me inspiration over the years that I'm now sharing with you.

Why There's Never, Ever Anything Wrong With You!

183 Comments

A beautiful woman is in a field with her arms outstretched facing the sunshine realizing that there's nothing wrong with her.
I'm afraid he won't want me if he knew the truth about me.

We say or do something we regret. We long for the chance to have a second chance to do it differently. We feel like we missed out on some amazing opportunity.

And then the worst damage we can ever do to ourselves begins; we beat ourselves up and label ourselves as damaged goods.

Oh we might come across on the surface like everything's OK, but only because we've learned over so many years how to play that part so well.

But inside, it's a different story.

We're mortified that we didn't handle the situation better, that we didn't listen to what we knew we should have done differently.

What's wrong with me? You wonder.

Why can't I ever get this right?

Why can't I be more like her [insert name of friend you secretly wish you were]?Continue Reading

Finding True Joy After Walking Away

37 Comments

A beautiful brunette woman is walking down the road with her arms extended in joy, happy from the true joy she has found after walking away from a bad relationship.You may recall a letter from our beautiful friend, Layla, who reached out for support and advice back in January.

She sent me an email recently with an update on her situation and asked if I would share it with all of you.

Here it is, Layla; for you and all of our lovely readers who are going through something similar ...

Her email:

Hi Jane,

In January I wrote to you for advise on a man who was treating me less than I deserved and got such great feedback from yourself and others.

In 10 days it will mark 2 months since I finally walked away and broke the hold that relationship had over me. It has been tough, it has been sad and everything in me wanted to believe that I was not wrong, that things were going to work out.

I read all the advise that was out there on the internet, I spoke with friends and I tried to figure out what I could do to make this guy understand he was treating me wrong and for the first time I realised.... it is ok for me not to have all the answers, not to understand what went wrong.

I am sharing this with your readers because, somewhere out there, someone is in a verbally abusive relationship and they don't believe they are or, they believe if they just fix themselves it will all come right... I want my story to be used as motivation that it is ok to not know everything and it is ok to walk away, you are not giving up.

For as long as I can remember, I have had such low self esteem and allowed my past mistakes to be the reason I settled in my relationships... only to realise that I was hurting myself even more in the long run. I walked away from a guy who I still believe I loved dearly but, I loved him so dearly that I stopped loving myself and that is NOT ok.

He accused me of cheating, told me I was not attractive in order to justify his porn habit, shouted at me, called me an idiot and I soon started to believe the lies. He smoked weed every day and I found myself getting caught up in that world.

I was the only one who worked, so I was supporting two people and borrowing money from my dad to try and pay my bills. It got out of control and on the 12 May 2014, I finally said ENOUGH! I asked him to leave after a huge fight but, I made sure he knew that we were never going to talk again, no friendship... NOTHING.

Has it been hard, absolutely and anyone who tells a women it is easy is lying.

But, my motivation has been the extreme joy I have found since he left. I am not trying to find another relationship, I am focused on building myself up and doing things that make me happy.

It took a lot to accept that I was being abused and I would not accept it for a long time, believing that we were having normal fights. I cried a lot this last month, I got angry, I cursed and I missed him. BUT, I never went back and I got up and told myself that I can do this, no matter how painful.

I deleted all conversations with him on my phone and 2 weeks ago, I had the courage to remove him and his family off my facebook.

I read an article that said, keeping a man who hurt you as a friend on facebook is giving him the impression that what he did was not bad and that you may still consider being his friend in the future. That was enough for me to say, for myself I am removing him.

Firstly, thank you Jane for playing a part in me finally walking away as your blog encouraged me to be strong. Secondly, I know that it will take time to move into another relationship but when I do, I have learnt so much from this experience and know what I will and won't accept.

I am a Christian and my strength and healing has come from God, who I give all the credit to...my life is not over, it just began!

As the quote says: " Sometimes you just have to turn around, give a small smile, throw the match and burn that bridge"

-          Layla

I know so many of us understand what Layla's talking about here. If you have a similar story to share that you've gone through - or are still going through - please share it with us here in the comments.

It's Time to Take a Stand

7 Comments

A beautiful woman in a black skirt and black blouse stands against a white background with her arms crossed, knowing that it's time for her to take a stand for what she believes in.The type of women we are, the loving, giving, caring, understanding, women we are, we'll do almost anything for love.

We'll do almost anything for our dreams. For the chance to make those dreams come true when we find someone that we think might be the one.

We give and we give and we give and we give.

And then we give some more.

We long for nothing more than to be loved the same way we love.

To be held the same way we hold.

To be made a priority the same way we make him a priority.

We get so caught up in this crazy quest for love that we forget to do the most important thing of all:

To stand.

To stand in the beautiful light of who we are.

We shrink so well.

We apologize all too well.

We minimize ourselves so effortlessly.

We comply so easily.

We accommodate like it's our natural state of being.

But we've forgotten how to stand.

We've been taught this since our first days on earth. We're rewarded with love and gifts for being good, for being nice, for being respectful, for being everything a good little girl should be.

When we finally venture out into the great big world beyond, it's only reinforced for us all over again.

Put everyone else first, before you, and you'll get along just fine. We do this just too well.

It's so ingrained in us; it's become a part of who we are.

Sitting, waiting, making ourselves smaller so that someone else's light can shine first. Apologizing for things that we never need to apologize for, downplaying our attributes so that we don't offend anyone with our pride. We've been down this road too far and too long.

It's time to remember what it means to stand.

To stand up for what we want.

To stand up for what we believe in.

To stand up for ourselves when things aren't the way we want them.

To stand up to someone we don't want to lose, but still say what's in our heart and on our mind.

To stand instead of running away when we're confronted.

To stand instead of backing down when we know what we need to do.

To stand and be silent when there's nothing more to say.

You see, something happens when we stand like this. When we stand in our own strength, in our own space, in our own steadiness. Something changes inside us. Something changes around us. Something changes about us.

We feel stronger for standing.

We feel more confident, more sure of ourselves, more able to speak our own truth calmly and confidently from a place of our truth instead of someone else's. We can focus better on ourselves, instead of everyone else.

It's the way we're meant to be. To stand like this.

Not standing over anyone, not standing under anyone, but standing as equals in the light of who we are and what we bring to the table.

It's your turn now. It's time to feel that power and strength that you own. It's time to show the world all that you are and all that you have to offer. You know this, even if you've forgotten it somewhere along the way.

It's time to take that stand!

What do you stand for? Share it with us in the comments. It's time.

Find It In You

26 Comments

A beautiful, confident woman stands against a white wall with her arms crossed, thinking about it's time to find it in you and stop looking for a man to fill you up.There’s a reason you’re so drawn to him. It’s no accident he’s the one you've chosen, even if it doesn't seem like it.

And it makes perfect sense that you feel like you can’t live without him, that you can’t let him go, that you need him in your life to live.

I understand completely even though most everyone else you use these words with doesn't. And they don’t understand because they can’t.

But you do, so well.

This reason you’re so drawn to him, it’s because you’re so good at attracting exactly what you need. It’s because you’re such a beautiful loving, caring, sensitive soul that you've found exactly the type of person who gives you a new feeling of confidence and boldness that you, too, can do anything and be anything when you’re around him.

Of course he makes you laugh, of course you’re so happy when you’re with him.

His is the life you want for you! His way is the ease with which you want your life to be lived by you. And he makes it seem so believable, so possible, and so within your reach.

You can let down your guard, stop trying to please everyone, stop caring about what everyone else thinks, and stop being oh so responsible.

You can breathe.

He's almost everything you wish you could be more like, even if you don’t realize it yourself.  His lack of caring about everyone else, his lack of needing to please anyone but himself, his ability to set such strong boundaries to keep everyone from getting too close, his attitude of irresponsibility.

He knows what’s his and what isn't and he has no problem separating the two. He may even tell you this is who he is, and people can either like or leave it.

And of course, he’s talking about you here,  too.

It wasn't until I finally realized how little I was actually getting out of these relationships, how one-sided they truly were, that I started seeing a pattern to the men I was attracted to and attracting. They were one and the same. They were all various versions of this same theme.

It was because I was always looking for someone outside of myself to give me permission to live the life I always dreamed of. It was because I didn't think I could do what I wanted to do on my own.

It was because I cared so much about what everyone else thought about me and wanted everyone to like me, to approve of me, to accept me for who I was.  It was because I feared failure, I feared disapproval, I feared being discovered that I wasn't everything I was supposed to be by the standards I had allowed others to set for me that weren't my own to begin with.

It wasn't until I repeated this same pattern enough times that I was finally able to see what was really going on.

I stopped trying to live off someone else. I started living for me.

I started making a list of everything I wanted to do. I ventured out of my comfort zones. I started asking myself the big questions I didn't think I had a right to ask.

I started looking at me, not him.

I started finding my own way, baby steps at first, not knowing exactly what I was doing, but knowing it was my own right to find my own way.

I stopped apologizing for not knowing.

I started accepting the things that I had always hated about myself.

I stopped seeing my negatives as liabilities and started seeing them as the qualities that made me who I am.

I made a list of things I wanted to work on, things I really did want to change, but I also started to accept where I was and who I was right then as well.  And realizing that wherever I was starting from was OK.  I realized I had nothing to lose and everything to gain, and the only thing I was wasting by not getting started was my own life.

It was time.

It didn't happen overnight. But it did happen.

Not without doubts and not without fears. Not without so many two steps forward and one step backward wondering if I was doing the right thing or if any of this was really necessary. And not without having those moments where I simply wanted to give up and go back to the old model that seemed so much easier because at least then I didn't have to do this on my own.

But I didn't go back. And I finally found what I had been looking for in me.

I stopped caring so much about everyone else and what they thought of me, and I started living the way I wanted to live my life. I stopped trying to please everyone because I realized I was the only one I answer to and what someone else wanted or needed was their business and not mine.

I started setting strong boundaries to keep myself strong in who I was and keep other people’s issues from becoming enmeshed with my own. I started being only as responsible as I needed to be, and not responsible by anyone else’s standards.

I started knowing what was mine and what wasn't and being able to tell the difference.

I stopped changing myself into what everyone else wanted me to be. I began to live my life for me without listening to that little voice that I was so used to hearing tell me I was being selfish. I finally knew the truth.

Now it’s your turn.

Find it in you.

What does he have that you don’t? What does he give you that you can’t give to yourself? What wings does he give you that you can’t give yourself? What does being with him bring to you that you don’t feel you can do without him? What is it that draws you to him? What need are you trying to fill?

This isn't about proving to yourself you don’t need anyone but you. It’s not about saying no to someone who is on your page and compatible with you.  It’s about discovering that you don’t need to settle for a relationship with someone who doesn't treat you the way you deserve to be treated simply because you don’t think you can live without him. It’s about giving to yourself everything he gives you so that you can have the life and the love you’re always wanted that’s found in the true living of your own life. It’s about feeling that beautiful confidence of knowing you can do this for you.

You don’t need the halfway version of living vicariously through someone else

Go find the real thing in you.

How about you - what need are you trying to fill with the men that you've been choosing? Share your story with us in the comments.

No More

60 Comments

Clock with the words Time for Change represents that a woman is going to change her habits and start saying no more.So many of us struggle with the basics.

We get so caught up in the complicated aspects of our relationships that we think are the problem, that we miss the simple truths that underlie so many of our core beliefs.

These are the beliefs that keep us staying so stuck, and settling for so few crumbs.

We live like this because it's all we've ever known - or it's all we ever saw modeled for us, and we miss the fact that changing these beliefs, these ingrained habits that have become so much a part of who we are, begins the shift that changes everything.

So, starting right now, let's start making these changes.

No more chasing after someone.

No more believing he’s the only one.

No more selling yourself … to anyone.

No more waiting around for his call or text… you’re a woman with a life, not a lady-in-waiting.

No more sleeping with someone who can’t make his mind up about you.

No more focusing on someone else’s needs more than your own.

No more kidding yourself about why he won’t commit; if he won’t commit, either accept it and know what you’re signing yourself up for, or move on.

No more hanging on to someone who isn’t hanging on to you.

No more investing in a relationship where you’re the only one doing the investing.

No more waiting to be chosen; you’re doing the choosing.

No more beating yourself up for what you didn’t know, didn’t see, didn’t get, or didn’t see coming.

No more focusing on the past; right now is where your life is at.

No more living in the life-depleting should; you did the best you could with what you knew at the time!

No more hating your body, your skin, your hair, your nose, your ears. You are beautiful just as you are.

No more looking to others to complete you.

No more living your life vicariously through others; it’s time for your life to be everything you want it to be.

No more giving your power away to everyone else.

No more thinking that everyone else has something you don’t.

No more putting anyone on a pedestal.

No more pretending.

No more crying over someone who doesn’t deserve you and wasn’t compatible with you to begin with.

No more making someone your world.

No more bending and pretzeling to please someone else. It doesn’t work and hurts you more than you know.

No more saying you can’t do this.

No more excuses why everyone can do this except you.

You can do it.

But only if you really want to.

And only if you choose to.

If you’re done with what you’ve been doing and you’re ready for something different, this is where it stops. With you. With a word. With a commitment … to you.

Here's to the new you!

How about you - what are you going to say no more to? Tell us in the comments!

Never, Ever Compare Yourself to These Women

9 Comments

A photoshopped image of a beautiful woman shows her looking into the camera, with the message that real women should never compare themselves to something that isn't real. We all do it. It's almost impossible not to. It might be human nature, or it might be cultural. It's probably a mix of both.

I'm talking about our need to compare ourselves to others.

We do it all the time, sometimes without even noticing. We compare our bodies, we compare our salaries, we compare our houses and our cars. We compare our children, our athletic ability, and our intelligence.

And the worst part isn't just that we compare ourselves like this, it's that we tend to compare ourselves to someone that we think has more than us, is better than us, or has something that we don't have.

We compare ourselves to people who are further along than we are, so it makes us feel so small, so insignificant, so far behind.

And that's where the judgment begins. And as we know all too well by now, there is no harsher judge, no one that's harder on us than ourselves.

But amongst all of this comparison, there's something that is so demeaning, so self-esteem shattering, so wrong, that it's something you should absolutely never compare yourself to:

Women that don't really exist.

I know you might think that's strange, but we're actually doing it all the time. We're surrounded by images of people that don't really exist, but we're made to believe that they do.

We flip open the cover of almost any magazine – it doesn't matter if it's geared towards men or women - and all we see are photos of gorgeous, perfect women in nearly every ad.

The same thing goes for television, movies, even the internet.

What we are told by all of these images floating around, even if it's indirectly, is the message, loud and clear, that we aren't beautiful enough.

And if our self-esteem is already in tatters, then what we hear is even worse – that we aren't beautiful at all.

The reality is that there is absolutely no good reason to compare yourself to anyone, since, like we talked about in the last post, you are unique and you have so many things that you bring to the table. It's a waste of time to compare when the reality is that these comparisons are like comparing apples to oranges.

Is intelligence better or worse than compassion? Is artistic ability better or worse than athletic ability?

You just can't compare these things because they're all so very different.

There's some good news – you can change this habit of comparing. Because that's all it is, a habit, and habits can always be changed. It's simply a matter of training your brain to put the focus back on you. This isn't about what anyone else has or doesn't have - or seems to have that you don't. You are perfect just as you are.

Look back to the list you made from Monday and remind yourself of everything about you that's so special, that's so great, that makes you the unique woman you are with so much going for you and so much to offer someone who is truly worthy of you.

The only comparison you might want to make is with your own beautiful self;  where you are at right now compared to where you once were, and recognize just how far you've come. Look at where you were on your journey just a short time ago, and note everything that you've learned. Look at all of the ways that you've improved, and made changes for the better.

Then allow yourself to feel grateful for everything that have, everything that you are and everything that you have accomplished. You can show that gratitude by helping others that aren't there yet to get where you are now. That's the truest expression of gratitude.

And to help you to break the habit of comparing yourself to others, I want you to watch this video, and check out the other links below. These will help you realize without any doubt that the women in those magazine ads don't really exist.

And you would never compare yourself to something that doesn't exist.

Check out this article from US magazine showing how celebrities look in real life vs. how they are portrayed in the media.

Here's a great talk given by model Cameron Russell about how these false images of women are created, and about how models are actually insecure about themselves.

And here's another great video showing the transformation of perfectly normal, beautiful women into something that's just not real.

Are you seeing this all more clearly? How do these videos make you feel? Tell us about it in the comments!

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About Jane Garapick

Hi, I'm Jane Garapick. I'm here to provide inspiration, support and empowerment on the journey to true love. I know what it’s like to have a broken heart, a broken dream, and a broken you. And I know for a fact, that your dreams can still come true! Read more...
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