Dating

The posts in the dating category relate to the early stages of a relationship, before the two of you are exclusive. The dating category includes topics such as where to find men, how do I find Mr. Right?, first dates, should you call him, etc.

He says he just wants to hookup – what should I do?

Her Story:

Hi Jane,

Firstly, I must say how I love the pearls of wisdom you impart in your blog & on social media. After a break-up at the end of 2020….& with my current situation….so much of what you write and say really resonates with me.

Jane, I have got myself into a ‘casual’ relationship the last couple of months.

Met a man while I was away on holiday at the end of October, we have caught up twice since, even though we live 3 hours apart. We also text msg or talk on the phone most nights.

Last week I spent 3 nights with him at his place. On the last night while I was there he told me he can’t offer me more than what we’ve got now - the occasional hook-up, once a month.Continue Reading

My ex is confusing me

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A beautiful woman is holding her head in her hands wondering if her boyfriend who has commitment issues is just playing games or if he wants a committed relationship. — I just have no idea what to do.

Ever been confused by an ex? I know I don't even have to ask. More like who HASN'T been confused by an ex! Read on to hear what B wrote to me. I have a feeling you'll relate.

Her Story:

Hi Jane,

Thanks so much for providing a safe space for me to share how I feel and get some advice!

My ex broke up with me about a month ago after dating for almost two years. We had a wonderful relationship, but like any relationship had a few ups and downs. He treated me so well and we had a lot of fun together, and the spark was undeniable. However, although I had told him I loved him, he had never said those words back. He made it clear that he felt the same way, but seemed scared to actually say it.

I felt completely blindsided when we broke up as I wasn’t expecting it. The breakup was respectful and calm, but the thing that confused me was that in the same breath as ending things he finally said the words “I love you.”

Since breaking up we have stayed in contact and even seen each other a couple of times. He has told me he doesn’t want to get back together but he wants to be friends. He will blow hot and cold over text and sometimes flirt and other times not reply for days.Continue Reading

How soon should I have the talk?

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Close up of a woman using mobile smart phone, wondering why she was ghosted and he suddenly stopped texting. — He only texts or calls if I text first.

If you're wondering when it's the right time to have 'the talk', you're not alone. Ella wrote to me asking for my advice on when to have this talk with her guy. Read on to hear what I had to say.

Her Story:

I have been talking to a guy that I met in an event for three weeks now. He lives in a different country, an hour flight away. Every time we talk it lasts for hours and he always mentions how much he enjoys talking to me. We both shared secrets and spoke about work family friends etc.

My issue is, I feel like I'm always the one initiating the conversation.

I would send a text like “hey good morning” or “how was your weekend” and he’d usually respond by calling or texting me to tell me that he would call me when he’s back home.. and we’d end up talking for hours! I know we both enjoy talking to each other, and he does show interest every time I reach out but my pride is getting the best of me for always making the first move.

Also he called me yesterday and said that he would call me today on his way back home from work but it’s already 10:00 pm. He did tell me that he has a relative over and will be busy this month. But he could’ve apologized or rescheduled.Continue Reading

Am I overreacting?

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Beautiful-woman-snow-contemplative — I'm not sure if I'm over-reacting but I do feel hurt.

Our letter today comes from Angie, who's wondering if she's overreacting to hearing her newly widowed boyfriend isn't ready to include her in his family holiday plans. Here's what she wrote to me:

Her Story:

Hi Jane,

I'm a 48 year old woman dating a 50 year old widow (his wife passed 2 years ago). I have been dating him for 7 months.

I have only met his teen kids once (despite him being at my house a lot with my teen kids). He mentioned Christmas and that he won't see me as he will go to his parents house with his kids for both Christmas Eve/Christmas Day (which I am ok with).

He also said I won't see him on his birthday, December 28th as it's his birthday and he will spend it with his kids. He will visit me early evening and stay over.

I'm not sure if I'm over-reacting but I do feel hurt about his birthday - it feels as though he just wants to keep me away from his kids - but then turns up to spend the evening with me. He is kind and loving to me and always call/texts etc.

Signed,

- AngieContinue Reading

My fear of rejection is crippling me!

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A beautiful woman sits on a park bench wondering why she loves him. — I'm just plain scared.

Does the fear of rejection keep you from seeing what might be out there for you?

You're not alone.

Listen in as we hear from Ashley who shares her story and hear what I have to say to her that I'd tell you too!

Her Story:

Hi Jane,

My name is Ashley and I'm so happy I stumbled on your website. Thank you for doing what you do.

I'm learning my way through life and romantic relationships, and I think I could really use your advice. Particularly when it comes to fear of rejection.

I'm 27 years old and am navigating the dating world for the first time. I have had two serious boyfriends in my life, but both just happened naturally while I wasn't looking for a mate. Both times, I fell hard and fast for men who were ultimately very controlling and possessive.Continue Reading

I keep getting dumped - every year

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Silhouette of sad woman looking at sunset over water, shame concept — They always say the same thing...

Our letter this week is from Hope, who wrote to me about her pattern of getting dumped every year. She gets the same reasons every time and is beginning to wonder if she's just unlovable even though she's still so young. She doesn't feel that way.

Did you ever feel that way? This is so familiar to me, it was like looking in a mirror as I read her words. I hope you find my response to be helpful to you as well. Here's what she had to say.

Her Story:

I am 24. I know this is young, but almost every year since I was 17 I have been dumped for exactly the same reasons "the spark is gone", "just don't love you anymore", "just not feeling it anymore".

It's becoming embarrassing to tell my friends that I have been dumped yet again especially when so many of them have been in long term relationships.

I always ask them why and they always say the same thing "you haven't done anything", "you're amazing", "it's me, not you", "I promise you have done nothing".Continue Reading

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He says he just wants to hookup – what should I do?

Her Story:

My ex is confusing me

Her Story:

How soon should I have the talk?

Her Story:

Am I overreacting?

Her Story:

My fear of rejection is crippling me!

Her Story:

I keep getting dumped - every year

Her Story:

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