Archives for 2020

How are we all doing?

A woman in a white cotton dress is walking through tall grass. — There will be another side to all of this.

I've heard all about your disappointments this week. All those things just getting started, now put on hold. People you just met, relationships just begun, plans you just made, now thrown for a curve.

It's hard to feel hopeful when all you feel is an undercurrent of uncertainty.

I hear you. And I see you.

Can you tear yourself away from the rest of the world and the never-ending breaking news cycle for just a moment, and come with me to a different place?

This is temporary. No matter how heavy it feels.

As unpredicatable as it is. As scary as it can feel. As permanent as it seems only right now.

All those beautiful dreams and plans are only on a temporary pause, Beautiful.

There will be another side to all of this.Continue Reading

I Am So Tired of Men Ghosting Me!

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Woman text messaging on her phone — His texts got less and less, then suddenly nothing.

With everything going on in our world right now, I debated whether to answer a letter like usual this week, or send you some comforting words, and I've decided to continue on here as much as normal since many of you are still having the same issues with your relationships even in the midst of a pandemic.

Next week, thanks to one of your suggestions, I'll have some tips on dating in the era of #stayhome and how to not drive yourself crazy being alone!

I hope you're all taking good care of yourselves, staying home as much as you can, and finding support here for all your beautiful hearts and souls that feel everything. I adore each and every one of you for exactly who you are, whether that be scared, anxious, worried or whatever you feel today.

I run the gamut of emotions, too.

If there's something you're going through that you're not finding addressed here, please don't hesitate to reach out or reply to this email. We will get through this the only way we ever do anything well - together.

So that said, our letter this week comes from Michelle, who's sick and tired of men ghosting her. Can you relate? I had a feeling you could.

Here's her story:

Hi Jane,

I am so tired of men walking into my life and then leaving for no reason. I honestly am starting to think something is wrong with me.Continue Reading

You've Always Known

36 Comments

fantasy. woman in enigmatic meadow over cloudy sky — You're the one who's always known what's really going on.

You've always known.

What everyone says don't worry about. What everyone tries to shame you about. What everyone calls you crazy for.

It's actually the opposite, isn't it?

You're the one who's always known what's really going on.

You knew before he left.

You knew before he cheated.

You knew before he checked out.

You knew.Continue Reading

Should I Remind Him He Said He Would Tell Me Why?

8 Comments

A beautiful woman is holding her hair back with her hands, wondering if she was a hot mess. — I just need to know why!

Our letter this week comes from Paula, who's feeling heartbroken over the loss of the man she experienced such amazing chemistry with in a long-distance relationship. He said he was going to meet up with her and talk in three weeks time, so she wants to know if she should reach out to remind him.

Here's her story:

Hi Jane,

I'm 42 years old. I met a man, 46 years old, on Dec. 23 of last year.

For two weeks we met on the beach in the morning or in the evening-had dinner and drinks or a walk by the beach, talking about ourselves, kissing each other - there was extreme chemistry between us.

After two weeks, we had time to be together and had an amazing time. This man lives 900 km from me.

We were in touch almost every day by messages, half of them initiated by him. We have met again every second week after because he flies here to be with his children. I have one child, I'm a single mum.Continue Reading

It's Hard Enough!

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A beautiful woman is frustrated with her head in her hands. — Do yourself a huge favor, right now.

Isn't that how you feel?

Everything already feels so hard, and then you have someone who isn't on the same page as you when it matters most.

No matter how hard you think it is now, it doesn't get any easier the longer you wait for someone to come around and change when the warning signs are there if you could trust yourself enough to see them.

Life is messy. Relationships aren't fantasies.

Who you are and who he is are products of years of programming - mostly the subconscious kind neither one of you are even aware of. Until the honeymoon is over and you're only left with reality, because the beginning wasn't who he really was.

At least not in a way he could indefinitely sustain.

It's why we excuse away those little behaviors that are actually the seeds of huge red flags. It's why we let those small things we don't want to make a mountain of slide, because of our own inherent confirmation biases.Continue Reading

Should I Take Him Back?

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A beautiful woman looks sad because her boyfriend doesn't want to be with her. — Is there a chance he means it this time?

Beautiful Tania is wondering if she should take back her boyfriend of almost 9 years, or if he's just going to keep on doing the same things that have left her heartbroken in the past.

Here's her story:

Hi Jane

For the past 8 to 9 years I have been in a toxic relationship, yet I stay, as I can see the good in him.

Most women would've left and I myself would've left if I was a younger version of myself. I am unsure of what keeps me in it, it could be that after me leaving all of my previous relationships that I have now developed a belief that I need to try harder, combined with a fantasy of this guy while he was with his previous partner.

I saw him be so attentive to her and wanted that kind of relationship for myself.

He has 3 children, 2 girls and 1 boy, to his previous relationship and I have 2 girls to my previous relationship. It all started good, as relationships usually do, and then he decided to over rule me and my decisions about whether my eldest was allowed to sit in the front seat of the car or not.Continue Reading

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How are we all doing?

I Am So Tired of Men Ghosting Me!

Here's her story:

You've Always Known

Should I Remind Him He Said He Would Tell Me Why?

Here's her story:

It's Hard Enough!

Should I Take Him Back?

Here's her story:

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