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We Had Amazing Chemistry but I Haven't Heard From Him in 4 Days!

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Rear view of a woman holding the curtains open to look out of a large light window at home.
Should I reach out to him or not?

Our letter this week highlights one of the dilemmas so many of us have encountered before. Amazing physical chemistry and, well, some other things that aren't exactly amazing - or even acceptable.

That's the subject of today's letter, and like most of us who've been here before, it feels just a little too familiar.

Here's her story:

Hi Jane,

I’ve been dating this guy for two months. Sparks flew immediately.

I’m 32 and he’s 33. He’s a resident Pathology physician and I work at the same hospital, but in different departments.

We have amazing physical chemistry and we would text each other constantly throughout the day and evening.  He would tell me that I make him nervous and that he thinks about me all the time.Continue Reading

When all you feel is PRESSURE

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A beautiful woman holds her head questioning if she's in a healthy relationship.
That's your real worst fear, isn't it?

One of these days, Beautiful, you're going to get up enough nerve to finally do that thing you keep telling yourself you can't do. That thing you think you're not good enough to do. That thing that you think someone else will always be able to do better than you.

And you're going to go be that person you've always thought could only be someone else.

You're going to stop looking in the mirror so critically at everything you think you have to change first. You're going to stop looking at all those milestones someone arbitrarily decided for you.

And you're going to choose your own goals and plans and dreams instead of waiting to see if you can get enough approval for your own.

You can't do this with someone breathing over you (either figuratively or literally) telling you who you are or what you're supposed to be.Continue Reading

Should I Give Him Space or Just Walk Away?

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A woman is upset after her boyfriend became emotionally distant and pulled away.
I love him very much, but I find myself crying all the time.

Our letter today comes from one of our beautiful subscribers, Joann, who's going through a situation she never thought she'd find herself in. After hearing her story, share your thoughts in the comments on what you think she should do.

Here's her story:

My story is a little different.

I had been divorced for 14 years, and during that time never dated or had any kind of relationship as I made my daughter a priority. She graduated last May and decided to move out of the home.

I started dating in October and went on a few dates, but in December I met someone and we both felt that immediate connection. We moved forward and he told me that he loved me in February, I held off on saying it back to him but he was patient.

He would text me all the time to tell me that he loved me, was thinking of me etc. I finally was able to give my heart to him and told him that I loved him back.Continue Reading

Does It Serve You?

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Beautiful woman looking out the window on a rainy day, wondering if it serves her.
Does it wrap it's arms around you?

I want to be so clear here.

You are not your mom's programming or your dad's programming or your grandparents' programming or whoever else went before you and said this is the way it is or this is what we believe, and then subtly (or not so subtly) passed it on down to you to become your own.

If you know anything about our cellular level memory, you know we absorb these types of messages in our very being. Where we have no conscious memory, we have the cellular kind.

This is why our patterns of survival, the way we love, what we can't believe could possibly be true, and all our defensive behaviors that keep us walled-off from our truth, are so difficult to change.

At that deep cellular level, we've absorbed only their deep truth.Continue Reading

Why Didn't He Call?

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Angry woman stood up on a date in a coffee shop looking at her phone
I thought we really hit it off, but I haven't heard from him!

Our letter this week comes from Ingrid, who really hit it off with her physiotherapist and thought he was interested, but now it seems like he was just sending her mixed messages, and she's wondering why he never contacted her.

Here's her email:

Hi Jane,

I am following your newsletter and offers already for a while and wanted to throw in a question this time, I really feel confused about:

I met a nice guy in a clinic, he was one of the physiotherapists in a responsible position. I had some treatments with him, massages, group sports, baths...

He began flirting with me, I flirted back.

For six weeks we met up very often, there was a lot of chemistry, glances, smiles, compliments and fun. Although it was really difficult to get in touch on a private level (almost never time together alone) he finally even initiated some talks with me - although the staff-members at that clinics were not allowed to get in touch with the patients.Continue Reading

The Lie of Brokenness

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Woman looking into a broken mirror representing her low self-esteem.
No, there's nothing wrong with you.

When you've been told over and over again that you're broken, when you've been told you have to go to some being outside yourself to ask for forgiveness for the simple act of being human, you're going to forever have a hard time believing you're not.

And when heartbreak turns to more heartbreak and you can't seem to learn well enough from your past mistakes to exact any kind of different outcome, it's a tragedy that all you've got left is a scenario where you cast yourself at yet another man's feet and beg for forgiveness - for grace - to be given the right to be here just as you are.

It's something wrong with you all over again when you're told the very essence of you is bad, wrong, in desperate need of correction. Because the theme is the same as the one you first learned: you will always need someone outside of yourself to save you from yourself!

Look within, Beautiful. Look at your beautiful heart and soul.

Is there any good in you? Not their answer this time, but the answer that's your own.

The truth is, there is nothing but good in your heart, in you! You don't need this validation from anyone else for it to be true. That's how we got here in the first place.

Search your own heart and find your truth.Continue Reading

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