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Is A Long-Term, Loving and Committed Relationship Possible?

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A beautiful woman sits on the beach with her head in her hands wondering if a committed relationship is possible.
I'm so tired of breakup after breakup...

What do you do when you feel like you've tried absolutely everything, and you just keep winding up alone and heartbroken every time? Our letter this week comes from one of our gorgeous readers, Jamie, who's going through just that, and she's wondering what to do next.

Here's her email:

Hello Jane,

Last May I declared to all that I wanted to create a loving, long-term, committed relationship. In the last 17 months since I made that declaration I’ve spent over 13 of them dating 5 different men to varying degrees, the last relationship ending, sadly, yesterday.

This February I went on a date with a man I met online and from the very first moment I felt excited and optimistic that I might have found a really great guy. We dated 4 and a half months and I found myself actually falling in love for the first time in a looooooong time.

I let myself go there with this guy.

I was open and vulnerable and brave. He did some things that should have been red flags to me, but I overlooked them because I was so out of my mind attracted to him, he treated me well, and I just wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt.Continue Reading

Everything Was Going Great Until He Said Those 5 Shocking Words

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A woman is upset after her boyfriend told her he wants to slow things down.
He said those 5 little words that no one wants to hear.

What do you do when your relationship seems to be perfect, then suddenly he says those words that you hoped to never hear again? Our letter this week comes from one of our beautiful readers who just experienced exactly that.

She has asked to remain anonymous, so I've decided to call her "Shocked", as I'm sure just about all of us can relate to how she's feeling.

Here's her story:

Hi Jane,

I hope you read this as I'm going to be as descriptive as possible.

I'm so confused.

I just met this guy about four months ago through some co-workers who are also his housemates. I am 23 and he is 29. I recently got out of a bad relationship which lasted a little over a year. He recently got out of a 3 year relationship a few months before he met me.

My co workers said he thought I was cute and everything but I had no interest. They left us alone and he asked to kiss me. I got so unusually nervous I didn't say anything an started laughing!

He kissed me anyway.

That night one thing led to another and well you know... afterwards I started laughing again and he asked why? We ended up talking about how weird it is to be with someone else after you're so used to someone else's body.

The next morning I wasn't sure what to do I thought it was a one time thing but we texted all day and I went over again we all hung out together and that's basically how it's been for the last three months!

I've met his parents. His sister and her husband. All of his friends.Continue Reading

Should I Call or Text? I Don't Want to Lose Him

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A beautiful woman looks at her phone, worried, wondering if she should call or text him.
I haven't heard from him since Sunday. Should I call or text?

What do you do when you're afraid he's going to go back to his ex? Our letter this week comes from our gorgeous friend Hannah, who is going through exactly that.

Here's her email:

Hello,

I'm desperate for your help and wouldn't normally be so needy but I don't know what to do.

Before I go into detail, here is a little break down of timings etc., as it's all a bit complicated:

2010 - My boyfriend starts dating his ex.

2013 - My boyfriend moves his ex into his house.

2013 - Things start to fizzle out between my boyfriend and his ex. She adores him but he isn't sure and she moves out of his home in November 2014 and they take a break so he can get his head straight and decide what he wants. It's in this same month that he and I start seeing each other.Continue Reading

Poof! He Ghosted Me. Was it Something I Said?

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A beautiful woman lies in bed looking at her cell phone, wondering why he ghosted her.
Was it the text I sent him?

Online dating has brought us the amazing ability to connect with so many different people so quickly. Unfortunately, it also means that those same people can disappear faster than ever before. The question this week is from our beautiful friend Laura, who was recently ghosted by a guy on Tinder that she really thought she had hit it off with.

Here's her story:

I'm brand new to online dating, but a friend convinced me to give Tinder a whirl.

About a month ago I matched with a guy, and we really hit it off. Texted daily, and he asked if he could call me.

Yep, actual phone call.

Every time we talked on the phone, it was for hours. We talked about what we wanted, and were on the same page in regard to wanting to settle down, marriage, etc. He told me he was only even still on Tinder bc he was able to see my pics that way.

During that conversation, he mentioned something about me still messaging guys on there.Continue Reading

What We're Really Searching For

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A woman sits on a pier looking at the lake - autumn scene.
It's never what we think it is.

I'm always struck by how much my clients and I have in common. Nowhere is this more evident than on the topic of unconditional love.

Ask any practical, logical person about it and they will have undoubtedly tell you that unconditional love is only something experienced by a parent towards a child. That it's not possible in any other relationship because it would require someone to be capable of loving someone else regardless of who they are or what they do or don't do.

And that, they would go on to say, isn't something we humans are truly capable of.

A religious or spiritual person would say that God - or what God represents to us - is the only one capable of truly loving us unconditionally. But for those of us who refuse to believe that unconditional love doesn't exist, no amount of logic or practical standpoints can quite shake the belief inside us that it does indeed exist.

But herein is my point: This is the precise reason why we're searching for it.Continue Reading

If He Really Loved Me, Would He Have Let Me Go?

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A key lies on a table next to a red heart made from a ribbon.
All I wanted was a key!

Our question this week comes from our beautiful friend Janet, who has broken up with her boyfriend because he wouldn't move their relationship along to the next level of commitment.

Here's what she wrote:

My boyfriend of almost 3 years tells me he loves me and wants to marry me and move in with me ...but doesn't know when.

We live apart and only see one another on the weekends. I have asked for a key before to his apartment so I could wait upstairs for him when I arrive and he said it was against his values.

The other day I couldn't reach him all night....and we had a huge fight that lasted for days...when we finally spoke...I told him that I did not feel comfortable with our current arrangement and if he didn't want to live together at this time...that he should at least give me a key...so if I need to speak with him and can't reach him by phone...I can go to his house.

He said he loves me and wants to marry me...it could be as soon as next year...he doesn't know...but I already know his answer about the key and that will not change.

I told him I just didn't feel comfortable anymore...and I feel the key was kinda like the bare minimum I needed to hang in there at this point.Continue Reading

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