Getting to TRUE Love

Finding your YOU that leads to TWO

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Sure, it may be simple. But don't ever call it easy!

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A beautiful woman sits on a park bench wondering why she loves him.
And don't make it more difficult than it already is.

I've been talking a lot recently about the difference between something being easy and something being simple.

Like relationships.

And love.

And choosing something different than you're used to choosing.

Some of you get so down on yourselves because you get this in theory, but then you can't seem to apply it to your practical reality. You may have friends or family who make you feel like there's something wrong with you because it's not happening the way they make it seem like it should be, but the truth is, there's a world of difference between easy and simple.Continue Reading

Are These the Ones You're Listening To?

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Portrait of a beautiful worried woman using a laptop in the night at home
Don’t let their opinions carry so much weight.

You don’t say it out loud, but it’s there.

You think it has to be you.

Everything you’re not.

Everything everyone else is.

Everything you think you need to be.

But it’s not!

Exactly who you are is enough.

Exactly where you’re at right now is all part of this journey.

Don’t buy into a culture that dictates what you need to be to be loved, to have love, in order to get that love.

Love doesn’t work that way. It shows up both when you least expect it and when you most expect it.

In the perfect time either way.Continue Reading

Why Do I Have to Do All This Work? Why Not Her?

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A beautiful woman looks in a mirror wanting it to be the way it was.
It begins right here, looking in the mirror.

I’ve been thinking about you.

Thinking about how to put into words the core meaning of my message to you.

Yes, it’s about finding out who you are and shedding old programming, etc. But the question you explicity ask is the one that needs more of an answer to get to the real root of what I’m talking about.

Why? Why do I HAVE to do this work? Why does SHE get to find love, get married, find someone to love her for who she is? Why does SHE get him without doing all the work? Why do I HAVE to go on this journey to figure out who I am FIRST?

Why me? Why not HER?

We're angry. So angry. Most of which we’re not even aware of.

But we can’t be angry. We may get sad, but we don’t do angry. Maybe frustrated – as we’ve learned to downplay it because it won’t fit the good little girl image we have to uphold at all costs - but not angry. Because that’s scary.Continue Reading

Ready to Let Go and Move On? Ask Yourself This First

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A woman is looking up at question marks above her head.
You need your answers. You need to find out why.

There's something you need to know.

If you're not ready to move on from someone, if all you want is to be with him, regardless of how he's treating you right now, because you believe in him and who he is underneath the outside veneer, because you love this man no matter how dysfunctional a love it is, then nothing you do to try to move on or get over him is going to work.

Nothing.

You'd only be fighting yourself in the process.

It's so important for you to understand this because telling yourself it's not working, that you can't move on, that what people are telling you to do, like going no contact or seeking therapy, won't work anyway because you tried that before, only becomes true if what you're currently doing is actually working for you.

I've been there.

Continue Reading

The Last Layer

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A beautiful woman looks out the window at the sun shining through realizing she has a fresh start.
There's one more layer you haven't uncovered yet.

When your view of yourself is limited to the words you heard growing up as a child from people who had so many of their own issues, because they didn't know how to love themselves let alone love you, their words become your own.

You don't see yourself as lovable, beautiful, spirited, passionate, confident.

You see yourself as flawed, unlovable, clumsy, messy, stubborn, lazy or whatever other words were thrown at you.

As adults, when we don't understand these underlying roots of our assumed identities, we attract people who are familiar to us. People who remind us of our parents, who have a similar view of us as we're used to.

As much as we can hardly bear to hear those words spoken or implied again, it's the only thing we know.

That's why separating those early roots from our reality today is such an important part of creating healthy relationships. We have to first be attracted to healthy people before we can form healthy relationships!

Continue Reading

I slept with my boss and now it's awkward

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Relationship problems concept - close up of man in shirt dressing up and adjusting tie on neck over woman in bed background.
Afterward he just brushed me aside, got changed, and handed me my things.

Our letter today comes from Claire, who's in a situation with her boss that she needs some advice on. Here it is, along with my response. Even if you've never been in this situation, read on because there's some underlying themes of power and control I think you'll relate to.

Here's her email:

Hi Jane,

I am a 21-year-old female who like many other women have nowadays got involved with their boss. I have only been in the business for 7 months and I worry I could lose my job over this.

But anyway, when I started working with him I was only 20, it started off as any natural friendly relationship would, although with the casual flirtatious joke or dirty remark at times, but I thought this was part of his personality at times.

Fast forward a few months and we started messaging on Instagram and from there it turned very flirtatious although he had stated he didn't want a relationship and I had said the same thing.Continue Reading

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