You say “no”.
You say “not me”.
You laugh. You smirk. You dig in.
But what you don’t see is that you’re exactly the one I’m trying to reach.
What you don’t see is that you’re precisely the one I’ve been looking for. It’s your cynicism that speaks volumes to me. Instead of pushing me away, you make me want to run to you even more.
See, I know how this works.
I know you think you do. I know you think you’ve got this all figured out. But what I see behind your words, behind every single one of your well-rehearsed defenses, gives you away.
No, you’re not that hard. You’re not that cynical. You’re not that tough. It’s only because you’ve been hurt so deeply that you’ve learned how to play this game!
That’s why he has to be bad and someone else has to be lucky and someone else has to be deserving and all these people have judgements you’ve put on them because of how harshly you judge yourself. But you don't see that part - and you won't see that part - because it's too painful to look there.
Because deep down inside, you know it to be true.
You have to work at stuffing it down. You have to work at your cynism. Because when you allow that tiny little part of you to remember what it was like to believe, a crack appears in your hard exterior.
A crack in your armor that you use to push everyone else away.
"I’ll hurt them before they can ever hurt me again", you say. And whether you say it to me, or whether you say it to someone else who wants to show you a different way, who you’re really hurting is yourself.
I know this is so hard to hear. In fact, it’s so hard to hear that you don’t even believe it is. This is uncomfortable because you know in your heart of hearts, in that tiny place of belief before you resolved to never open yourself up to be loved again, there’s you.
Look in the mirror, Beautiful. Who is she?
Who’s that woman looking back at you? Maybe she’s been hurt in more ways than she ever wants to admit to. Because in addition to the hurt, the pain of being hurt, of trusting and then finding out it was again for naught, there’s the shame of that pain.
The shame of trusting. The shame of opening your heart again.
The shame of trying. The shame of thinking it could be different. The shame of loving like you do. And finding out it still doesn't work (whatever your "it" is), that nothing's changed, that all you've done is open up old buried down, long-forgotten hurts all over again.
It's the fear of this that keeps us here!
Surface is safer. Pretending is easier. Doing what we've always done before feels so much safer.
Only in the places where we feel our deepest shame do we defend like we do. Only in those places where we feel that shame do we hurt others before we can be hurt again, too.
I know about miracles, Beautiful. And I know all about how vehemently you’re going to deny that any kind of miracles could ever happen for you.
You’ve seen too much. You’ve been through too much. You’re not that person miracles happen for.
Except you are.
Exactly as you are.
Exactly who you are.
Exactly with what you’ve been through.
Don’t run this time. Stay here just a little while longer. Stick around just a little bit more. What if? What if maybe it could be different this time? What if you just allowed yourself to open up a little more of that crack in your armor? What if there’s something to this opening oneself up with someone safe, to trust that you might be wrong, that it could be different?
I see you. I see through to your heart. It’s been broken before. It doesn’t dare trust again. But what if it could? What if this single step of trusting, of believing, of staying curious about what might possibly be possible for you could be all that’s been missing before?
Because honestly, Beautiful, I believe in a love that transcends the ordinary. I believe that we find it by surrendering, by giving up what we think we’re so sure we know, in exchange for the possibility of what might be. I’ve see it happen more times than I could fill a book with. I’ve seen it happen beginning with the tiniest of cynical hope. But I believe with all my heart in a love like this. And my belief is enough to transcend your disbelief.
We’ll do this together. Me and you. It won’t cost you a thing unless you choose for it to. There’s enough here on the blog for you to show up every day and read everything I provide on here for free. There’s enough on my social media pages for you to get enough of the small snippets of my message for it to come through as daily reminders for you. And if you want more, if you want to go deeper, I offer my other independent-study and coaching programs for you.
It’s breaking my heart to see you keep running like you do. Stay long enough to question something of your beliefs. Pick one. Any one. It doesn’t matter, only that you give yourself a pause to question anything about these beliefs that do anything BUT serve you and only keep you from what your heart longs to feel.
I’m here for you. Every step of the way. You get to decide how deep you go. But in spirit, I’m right there with you, cheering you on.
You’ve got this, Beautiful. If only you believe that you do!
What about you, Beautiful? What have you been through that you're ready to be done going through? Share your story with us in the comments below. You're never alone in what you're going through!