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You are here: Home / Archives for your beautiful heart

I was once that girl, too.

28 Comments

A woman is upset, with her head in her hands, because her boyfriend says he wants a break.
I wish someone had told me this.

I was once that girl with a traumatized heart and soul, with the harshest lessons learned about love and sex and life. I feel your pain, every part of it that you're going through.

I was once that girl, too.

But I know something more from going it through it than I could ever have known then. There's so much more for you in spite of - and even because of - what you've been through.

So I say to you what I wish someone could have said to me back when I walked in similar shoes.

Love hasn't left you behind.

Love hasn't forgotten about you.

You did the best you could with what you knew. Continue Reading

How Could He Let Me Go So Easily?

12 Comments

A beautiful woman with her face in her hands because her self esteem is so low.
Why am I so upset over someone that put me through this?

Beautiful Ally is sad and heartbroken, wondering how her boyfriend of 6 months could let her go so easily.

Here's her story:

Hi Jane,

I'm an avid reader of your site and your advice has helped me before. I recently ended my relationship and I am having a hard time dealing with it. I feel like I made the right decision but I'm still hurting and confused.

A little background:

I met my boyfriend about 6 months ago.

I was out with a friend and he approached me. I initially was not all that interested but after a lengthy conversation I realized that there was some chemistry. He told me he was getting divorced (after 15 years of marriage), he had been separated over a year (has his own apartment and she has the house) and was moving forward with his life.

He was attractive, very smart and had a great job. I felt like we had a lot in common as I too am intelligent and successful. I have a great job, no kids and never married. He's 40 and I'm 43. He has two young children from his marriage ages 4 and 6.Continue Reading

It Hurts and I Need Help to Let Go

15 Comments

Woman crying over her broken heart, because it hurts so bad.
I'm feeling so hurt, but I still love him.

Our letter this week comes from beautiful Mansi, who just had a whirlwind relationship with a man who suddenly decided he wasn't ready for a commitment.

Here's her story:

Hi Jane.

Finally I'm writing you as it's getting heavier and I need advice.

It's been 7 months of break up with him and I'm unable to get over it. It's not my first break up of relationship though but you know it always hurts.

I'm in my 30's and he is 24 yes, different country and culture. Things started at work place where he recently took over as manager, where as I was being transferred to his branch as a supporting manager.

I liked him the day I saw him, but I told I myself "don't ever think it's not gonna happen, he is too young for you and you are not his type."Continue Reading

Follow Your Heart...But Use Your Head!

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A balance beam with the head on one side and the heart on the other depicting that you need to follow your heart, but use your head.I tend to live in the heart. On the emotional side of life.

Like so many of us, I feel so much. I experience so much on that emotional level, and I love to connect with so many people, to connect with their energy and with what they’re going through. It took me a long time to accept this as my own reality, and with that acceptance came the clarity that allowed me to start seeing the truth instead of the lies that I was mistakenly believing as the truth.

I started to recognize when living this way was serving my life and when it wasn't. And when it wasn't serving my life, once I could recognize that, I was able to make small changes to get myself back on track.

You see, my beautiful friend, while I’m the first to say to follow your heart, love with abandon, follow your dream, I also know that for those of us who only know how to do that, and wind up getting burned in the process time and time again, there’s a little piece I’m adding just for you.

Bring your head along, too!

Because there’s a balance here. Keep your beautiful, soft, open heart. Keep that beautiful emotional side of you. But bring the practical side that your head holds too.

Why?

So when he doesn't call or text or skype, you don’t take it personally; you see it for what it is.

Not a reflection of you, not a rejection of you; in fact nothing personal at all about you!  But about him and where he’s at.

While your heart is wondering what you did wrong, your head gently reminds you that you don’t want someone who doesn't want to call you.

So when he tells you he doesn't want a commitment, you can make a decision that’s based on reality, not fantasy.

While the part of you that lives in the heart wants to believe so much in the potential of what you think he could be, your head reminds you to believe what he's saying the first time.

We can hang on for longer than most living on those little crumbs of what if? And we can see what we want to see even though we’re the only one seeing it. But in the process, we only hurt ourselves and bring ourselves down to a level that’s never where we belong.  Your head will remind you to see it for what it really is - two people on two different pages. That's all it is - it's nothing personal.

So when he disappears, you don’t go searching for him.

Your heart wonders what you did to drive him away, and wonders what you can do to get him back and get back to the way things were. Your head quietly points out that he's actually been gone for a while, and that it really wasn't as good as you remember it being.

Do you see what’s going on, my beautiful friend?

You need both.

That beautiful open-hearted emotional side of you that believes and connects and feels and loves with abandon. And you need at least a little of that practical, logical side of you that provides the reality check that says “you don’t really know him well enough yet” or “it might feel like great chemistry, but you’re just not compatible” or “ this isn't about you; it’s about him”.

You know, all the stuff our soft hearts used to learn the hard way.

That First Step

6 Comments

You don't need to settle like this. You do have worth. You don't have to prove your worthiness to receive love. It's not in everyone else except you; it's all there, in you! A beautiful woman is taking that first adventurous step across the water into the unknown.You know you don't want to settle anymore. You know it's time to start focusing on what you really want, and deserve, and to start making this about you and not about any him.

But even as you know all this, even as you know in your head so clearly what you need to do, the reality is your beautiful heart, the heart that knows how to give so much better than how to receive, doesn't even know where to begin. Or if it really even wants to begin.

So you stay.

Or you think about making changes, but you don't know where to begin, so you stay right where you are because if feels comfortable. Giving yourself away, even if it doesn't serve you and all that you are very well. At least it's what you're used to.

At least it's predictable. Even if it's unpredictable, at least it's predictably unpredictable.

But sometimes, you get a glimpse. Just a small one, but still some glimpse that there might be something more out there for you. Something better, something more on an equal level, something that might be a whole lot closer to what you know deep down in that beautiful heart of yours you really deserve. But then that fear comes again. That familiar fear that keeps you staying right where you are, settling for less than you know you deserve because, after all, the fear of the unknown always seems so much worse than the less than ideal reality of what you're living now. And besides, most of the time, you manage to convince yourself it really isn't that bad, it could be worse, and besides it's so much better than being alone. Continue Reading

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About Jane Garapick

Hi, I'm Jane Garapick. I'm here to provide inspiration, support and empowerment on the journey to true love. I know what it’s like to have a broken heart, a broken dream, and a broken you. And I know for a fact, that your dreams can still come true! Read more...
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