There are days when it feels like nothing happens quickly enough.
These are the days when my patience gives into impatience and I find myself struggling with the fact that something is taking so much longer than I’d like instead of surrendering to the gentle flow of what is and allowing things to progress at the pace that is meant to be.
And I’m reminded of how similar a feeling this is to when I was single, when one of the biggest questions I had for the universe, for God – and for anyone who I thought knew more than I did on the subject – was how much am I supposed to do and how much was I supposed to let happen?
Because the problem was that it always seemed to be taking far too long when I let go and relinquished control, but when I stepped in and tried to make it happen I only seemed to mess everything up. There was the dilemma.
Fortunately, I’ve learned a thing or two since then. I've learned that it’s a balance.
It's a dance, if you will, of moving forward, of doing what each of us feels inspired to do, of doing what we need to do, of doing what life seems to ask of us to do by what it brings us. And then balancing that with who we are at our core. With our inherent gifts and passions, and abilities, and our dreams and our goals.
Doing what makes us happy, what makes the world a better place, what makes us live with ourselves in a beautiful state of peace and calm. At least that’s what we strive for.
It’s never perfect. It’s never quite the way we plan, and it’s never quite as easy as it sounds.
But it’s in that balance that we make a life for ourselves; a beautiful imperfect journey that never quite seems to move fast enough or have all the pieces we’d like it to have.
And sometimes there’s so many never-ending questions and so many decisions to be made that seem to have such consequential effects. And before we know it, we can become so bogged down in what isn’t and what we still need to do and become, that we forget to focus on the simplicity of where we are and all that we’ve already done.
So here you are, today, with so many questions, so many doubts, so many fears, hoping that something will come your way soon to change it all and make it all better and have it all make sense!
Find your balance, my beautiful friend.
Accept what is. Accept what isn’t. Work on changing what you want to make different. Work on accepting what you’re having such a hard time letting go of.
But most of all, remember the balance.
Is it really worth your peace of mind? Is he – or anyone else – really worth the effect he’s having on you? Is this really worth your beautiful you?
Just as I have to accept the reality that I can’t physically be there for each and every one of you to spend a day with you to walk with you in your shoes to be that cheerleader that I’d love to be so you could see yourself the way I do. So too do you have to accept your reality that where you are right now is where you are. But it doesn’t have to be done with such urgency. It's a journey.
Nothing has to be done with such impatience, such fear, such doubt, such self-loathing and longing for anything but the way things are now. One step at a time, one glimmer of light at a time, one a-ha moment at a time.
Let the universe or God or whatever you believe in light that way for you in answer to your hopes and dreams and prayers that you put out there.
But let your feet take you there as well.
A dance of both, coming together in their own beautiful time until somewhere along the way, you discover the same truth I discovered so many years ago.
There are so many different paths to the same place.
Yes, I could have gotten there sooner. Yes, it could have happened differently. And yes, it was so hard to wait for.
But somehow, in that dance, something else happens that's more than just an outcome. It’s the growing of yourself and that beautiful woman you are that it’s not just about an outcome but about a self-discovery of who you really are and how worthy you really are that is every bit as essential to this process as is the culmination of the love that you've been longing for.
It’s life-changing, my beautiful friend, and worth every single moment of the journey, no matter how long it seems to be taking, no matter how impatient we can be.
Thanks for this great advice! I do feel at a point where I have to accept what is and what isn't.
I'm so glad this resonated with you, Val; thanks for stopping by to let me know 🙂
@ Brenda wow sister u are such an inspiration thankyou for sharing your story with me, it is motivating to learn that there is someone who went thru what i`m going thru at the moment, believe u me it`s not easy at all Brenda because sometimes He can come off as all lovey dovey and staff and in reality i know that is all there is to it and nothing more, i will take your advice and love myself more than any man, i must say that i`m happy to hear that u finally met someone who`s giving u exactly what u`ve been missing, all the best to you....i`m also getting there slowly but surely.
Dear Lolly: I did exactly that for 3 long years with a man who told me the exact same things. And guess what? It never changed. I stayed because I was in love with him, and he got used to me being there because I was convenient. But whenever I tried to talk to him about us, it always came down to "I can't give you what you want". I was left feeling that he was taking advantage of my availability until someone better came into his life. I finally got smart (with Jane's help) and let go. It hurt more than anything, but the good news is that my self esteem improved and it showed. In the end, he realized he lost the best woman he could have ever found, but the damage was already done. Please take it from someone who has been there, love yourself more than any man. Don't stay with someone who can't give himself completely. The pain is not worth it. Trust yourself. Listen to that inner you. And above all else, love Lolly enough to walk away.
"Someone who's right for you will never need to be convinced of why he should want to be with you" @ Jane u knw i keep on playing these words over and over again in my mind, thankyou so much for the words of encouragements, u are such a blessing, u made me feel better and to see things in a different light, it`s not about Him it`s about me and what i really want in life, i want happiness, i`m tired of second guessing things and always wondering if i`ve said something wrong and all that, i think it`s time to let go i know it won`t be easy but i will get there with baby steps like you always say....thankyou so much i feel like i`m finally finding myself and the inner peace within me...thankyou so much
So glad those words resonated with you, Lolly. There are so many of us who have been through this - and so many who are going through this right now! - that you can be assured that you are so not alone. Reach out for that support here as often as you need it, my beautiful friend; we're all in this together and we understand like only someone who's been there before can.
Thanks for sharing your story here, Brenda, and for your beautiful inspiring words. You understand this in a unique way that means so much to hear this from someone who's been there to someone who's going through it. Be so proud of yourself for how far you've come that you can express this in such a poignant way! You've got this down, my beautiful friend!
Thank you for eloquently sharing your beautiful insight to life's journey.
Thank you, LJ 🙂
Hello Jane, thankyou for such a great motivation i must say it has come at the right time, it`s something that i wanted to hear, i am currently seeing a guy who can`t commit, we`ve been together for 5 months now, He says He loves me but scared to commit, i know deep down in my heart that i`m supposed to let go of Him, but i find it very difficult, the more i think of letting go it`s the more i wanna be with Him, He doesn`t call or text, and He is always online, He just doesn`t do anything, when i ask Him about this He says He doesn`t want me to get used to something that He might not be able to maintain in a long run.... i did sit Him down a week ago and told Him how i feel about all of this, i told Him what i want out of this relationship and He still assured me that there is nothing wrong with me, and He says He associates well with me, and that He loves me a lot but He`s scared....i want to move on and forget about Him completely, i`ve tried to be very patient with Him and i also give Him as much space as i possible can but still nothing is changing, i really don`t know whats stoping Him as He is doing very well in His career, He also said He wants ab steady relationship but He is just scared, this whole thing is just confusing ...please help
You're not "supposed" to do anything that isn't right for you, Lolly. This is about you and what you need and what brings you the greatest sense of calm and the least amount of regrets. What that looks like in reality will be different for everyone. This isn't about you, my beautiful friend. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you! This is all about him and where he's at and what's going on with him. Whatever it is, whatever reason, no matter how much it doesn't make any sense to you, the only thing that matters here is that this is the reality of where he's at! You always have a say, you can always decide for yourself if this is working for you or not. You can always take control of this uncertain situation by making your own decision when you're ready to do just that.
This isn't about being chosen, Lolly. You're the one doing the choosing here. You're the one with so much to offer someone who is worthy of you, someone who's on your same page and wants the same thing. Only you can decide how much time you want to spend on someone who isn't there, and who's made it clear he doesn't know when or if he ever will be. Only you can decide if he's worth it.
I know it's so hard to let go of something that could be so amazing if only he would commit. But those if onlys keep so many of us waiting and wasting our lives away far more often then they bring us closer to the man of our dreams, my beautiful friend. Remember the irony is always that it's only when we refuse to settle for less than you deserve that you find exactly that. It may seem like waiting is the best option, but remember that in that waiting if you're not living your own life and committing to him only as much as he's committing to you, you're allowing your beautiful self to be given the message that you're not worth more than this. Because you are! That's always the greater risk, where the real damage to your self-esteem and self-confidence is done. If you could see yourself in the true light of your beautiful essence and what you really have to offer someone who is looking for the same thing as you, Lolly, you would see this so clearly, too. Someone who's right for you will never need to be convinced of why he should want to be with you!