Getting to TRUE Love

Finding your YOU that leads to TWO

  • Categories
    • Relationships
    • Dating
    • Finding Love
    • Single Life
    • Inspiration
  • Programs
  • Work With Me
  • Contact Me
  • About
You are here: Home / Archives for Waiting

I Can't Let Go and I Can't Stay...

34 Comments

A street sign showing should I stay on one sign and should i go on the other.
Why am I so confused? What did I do wrong?

Our gorgeous reader, who has called herself "So Stuck", is exactly that ... so stuck. She just doesn't know what to do.

Here's her email:

Hi Jane,

First of all, thank you for your website, it has helped me in so many ways... This community you've created is making me see I'm not alone, thank you!

I need your help, I'm stuck...

I've met this man 15 years ago, we became friends. He had a girlfriend at the time and he married her, they were married for about 15 years and separated last year.

They got divorced around the same time we started talking again.

We started going out and it was perfect... For about 6 months... For the next 6 months my life became pure anxiety until he broke it off - we were together for a year.

We were planning to live together, get married, have children... the whole package. We wanted the same things. I couldn't be happier.

I've never met his family.Continue Reading

5 Years...Still Waiting

20 Comments

A beautiful woman is looking frustrated near a clock, wondering how much longer she needs to wait for her boyfriend.
What on earth is wrong with him?

It's one of the biggest questions I hear over and over again: "How much more time should I give him? Have I really wasted the best years of my life on this man?"

Our beautiful friend, Louise, is going through this right now and has been for the last five years.

Here's her story:

Hi Jane

I've been with a guy for 5 years now.

I've known him for 13 years in total and when I moved to my new city he got in touch and we set up home together pretty much straight away.

He initiated us getting together and said although he was living with someone (they own a house together) they were splitting up and there was no future in it - and said we'd get somewhere to rent for a year whilst he got their house sold and all matters tied up.

They were not married.Continue Reading

Should I Wait and Hope He Changes His Mind?

13 Comments

Do I forget about him, and start again, or wait and hope he changes his mind? I really thought this man cared for me. A heart drawn in the sand is washed away by the incoming tide.Here's a letter sent in by one of our beautiful readers, and  I find that the questions she asks and the themes here are very common (the letter has been slightly edited for anonymity):

"Dear Jane - I was seeing a man for just under a year, everything was great, except he would not tell people we were together. He was going through a divorce, which happened before we met. I met his family and got along great with them. At times he did see other women when we were together. We had a vacation together in the summer, it was all beautiful. But just before the beginning of the year he told me that he doesn't love me and doesn't think he ever will have feelings for me on that level. He also told me that he doesn't see me in a romantic way, but he said he does think of me as his best friend and he respects me more than any other woman he's ever been with. He asked if we could still be friends, but I said no. I was too upset. However, since then, we have exchanged a few text messages, and he still asks if I'd have sex with him, to which I say no. It's so hard for me, I love this man, I really do. I don't get how a guy can spend Christmas with me, his choice, he asked me, we had such a great time, take me to his parents and spend a family evening, then 3 days later end it. He is in his late thirties, so he isn't a child. He has children as do I. I'm heart broken, but another guy is interested in me. Do I forget about him, and start again, or wait and hope he changes his mind? I really thought this man cared for me, after a year I stupidly even thought he loved me. It hurts, please help me."

My Response:

This is one of those times that you really need to hear what he's saying and believe him even if it doesn't make any sense to you. It wasn't stupid to think that he loved you; it's what it seemed like to you and would have seemed like to anyone else in your position. Don't beat yourself up here; just be glad he's being this honest with you, even if it hurts, even if you don't understand it. By being honest about how he feels, you're being given a gift so that you can move on with your life and free yourself up for someone who will love you and who will see you in both a romantic way and as a best friend.

You deserve nothing less than this; and as much as you want to believe that waiting a little longer for him to change, to come around and commit to you, the reality is, you can't change change him. You can't make him love you. If it's going to be, if the two of you are meant to be together, it will happen but not because you wait around to see if anything changes, but because both of you would be on the same page and wanting the same thing. That's what makes it work.

You deserve nothing less than that, and the sooner you can accept his answer and move on, the easier this will all be for you. I know it's not easy, but for whatever reason that has nothing to do with you, this is the choice he has made. But you also have a choice. Instead of seeing it as yet another loss, try and see that you are free; free to focus your time and energy on yourself and doing the work to figure out what you can do differently to attract someone into your life who will be everything that you so deserve. Free to be with someone who wants to be with you.

Don't let anyone else into your life who doesn't first show you that he is worthy of you and all that you have to offer. Make sure he's worth your beautiful heart, your beautiful you.

What do you think? Any other words of advice or encouragement for our sister reader? Tell us in the comments!

Is He Worth It?

11 Comments

Is he really worth it? A beautiful woman is crying herself to sleep over her boyfriend wondering to herself if he's really worth it.I heard you crying yourself to sleep last night, you still haven't heard from him, but you're sure he’ll come around.

Is he worth it?

I heard you talking on the phone yesterday, saying he didn't come home last night, but you tell yourself he probably just had to work late again and stayed downtown with a friend.

Is he worth it?

I heard you turning down an invitation to a party tomorrow night, because he's working late again and you don't want to go alone, again. But you tell yourself it's only temporary, even though it never seems to end.

Is he worth it?

I saw your bedroom light on late last night; you can't sleep because he's supposed to be calling after he gets back from yet another night out with the guys. But he's done this so many times before, and you keep forgiving him.

Is he worth it?

I saw those tears begin to fall when you saw that couple running to meet each other at the airport. But he always tells you not to bother to come.

Is he worth it?

I heard your voice shake when you made yet another excuse for him while telling your friend that you still believe he'll change.

Is he worth it?

I see you, beautiful, looking into the darkness, wondering where he is and whatever happened to the two of you. Refusing to give up on the dream of him and you, yet wondering why you're the only one who seems to care.

Going through the emotional rollercoaster of the highs and lows of being in a relationship with someone like him.

You can't explain it; you love him so, no matter how he treats you, but you also know, deep down inside, that something isn't right. In your heart of hearts you know you deserve better than this, you know there's more to life than living like this, but he's got so much potential, so much of what you want, if only he would grow up.

If only he would realize how much he needs you. If only he would open his eyes to see all that you are and all that you have to offer him.

You've tried imagining life without him, you've tried to picture going it alone, again, you've tried to picture yourself finding that strength within to live the life you've dreamed of, but have found yourself stuffing into the background.

You're going to miss him too much, you say; it hurts too much to let him go. You need him. He's everything you've looking for in someone, if only he would commit to you. You're scared to let him go; he might be ready for that commitment just when you leave. You're scared to be without him. And scared to be with him, throwing your life away like this.

My question to you, my dear, beautiful friend, is this:

Is he worth it? Is he really worth it?

Don't Spend All of Your Time Hunting

3 Comments

Are you on the hunt for love?Are you spending more time pursuing love than pursuing your own interests? 

This is the sixth post in our series 8 Signs You Aren't Ready for a Relationship.

Being Alone

I remember that feeling of subtle panic that would come over me as the weekend would approach.  I didn’t have any plans lined up, didn’t have anyone special in my life, and most of my friends were married, so I often found myself desperately trying to figure out what to do with my open Friday and Saturday night.

There I was again, calling around to co-workers and acquaintances, trying to find someone to head out on the town with, out to where the guys were. All the while quietly afraid that it would turn into another long lonely weekend in front of the TV; another weekend where I was yet again constantly reminded that I was single, when it seemed like everyone else had someone special to spend their weekend with.  Someone to be with.  Someone that wanted to be with them.  That someone that I was looking for.

Being alone never felt like something I was choosing; it always felt like a sentence I’d been given, some sort of twisted punishment for something I had done wrong, or didn't do right.  I found myself feeling like any time that I spent alone was just wasting precious time that could be spent meeting someone; someone that could be the one. There was always the feeling that he was out there, tonight, somewhere, and if I could only get out there (wherever there was) and be where he was we could meet, fall madly in love and I could finally get on with my life.

I realize now that while I was spending so much time and energy thinking about where I could meet him, what I could be doing to run into him, who I could be out with that could introduce me to him, just so caught up with this hypothetical him that I was completely missing out on me.  The me that was actually here, right now.

It's Time to Celebrate You

It seems so clear to me now. And it saddens me when I think of the life I could have been living back then versus the life I actually lived, all that time spent waiting – and wasting.  So much energy spent on the where, what, and how of making it happen.  That romanticized event of meeting the one; the event that turns out to have only existed in my head.  I completely missed the point that it wasn’t something that was ever going to happen while I was desperately chasing after it, trying to manipulate it into being.  When I was so focused on finding it, it didn't even occur to me that I really had no idea who I was or what I was all about.

Everyone else made it look so easy; they just went about their lives and seemed to meet their husbands and boyfriends almost effortlessly while I constantly struggled to figure out how to make it happen for me.  Not realizing they didn’t have some sort of special magic in them that I lacked.  I just hadn’t figured out that the most important thing I that could have done on those lonely evenings was to find something I loved doing and started doing it. Started living life.

Live Your Life

I don't know when I finally realized it, or if there was even some specific point in time that I realized it. It may have only been in hindsight, much later, that I looked back at my life and realized that it happened. It may have just been that I was so tired, so exhausted, from the hunt for my Mr. Right, that I just gave it up and started to do things that I enjoyed. I took modeling classes, started ice skating again. I made new friends; I started enjoying life.

And that's when things seemed like they were just falling into place. Within about a year or so I found that I was meeting people effortlessly. I was doing more and more things, meeting more and more people. And that's when I met my husband.

I don't know what the psychology or science behind it all is, but I'm sure my body language had changed. I'm sure I was more confident, more relaxed, more at ease with people. And I'm sure I was more interesting, because I was doing interesting things. And the thing is, it's not just the things that you're doing that make you more interesting, but it's the fact that you have more experiences – you meet more people, you're going to different places, you are putting yourself into different situations. All of these things lead to your growth as a human being, and that's what makes you interesting.

And it doesn't hurt that you now have more to talk about than just the plot twists of the latest TV drama.

So next time you find yourself with some free time while you're alone on a weekend night, remind yourself that it’s not about focusing on finding him. It's about focusing on living your life, and enjoying each and every beautiful moment of it. See that free time as the gift that it truly is – the gift of the opportunity to find something you love doing.

Then get out there and start doing it.

Next post in this series: Do You Have Too Much Emotional Baggage?

Are You Waiting to be Rescued?

2 Comments

Are You Waiting to be Rescued?While it may sound romantic to be rescued by the strong, handsome man, the reality isn't at all like the fantasy.

This is the fourth post in our series 8 Signs You Aren't Ready for a Relationship.

We'll be delving into each of these more deeply, one by one, to make sure that you areready for a relationship when your Mr. Right comes along.

Are You Waiting for Your Knight in Shining Armor?

  • Does your self-talk sound like "I'm such a mess", or "why am I so insecure?", or other similarly self-deprecating statements?
  • Do you think that someday you will meet a guy who will pull you out of the funk that you're in and make you happy?
  • Do you think a guy will come along and solve all of your problems – whether it be financial, emotional or physical?
  • Do you find yourself typically looking up to your partner? Do you find yourself falling for the professor in college, your boss at work, or someone that you feel has authority over you?
  • Do you often get starry eyed over a guy who shows interest in you that you think is out of your league?
  • Do you find yourself feeling like your partner is all that, and you really can't understand why he'd even be with someone like you?
  • Are you looking for someone to make it all better?

If you answered yes to one or more of these, it's a sign that you may be looking for a man to come along and save you from the life that you're currently living. The truth is that this is a very bad reason to get into a relationship, and it will almost inevitably fail.

The Good News

Nobody is coming to save you.

Why is this good news? Because once we realize that no one is coming to save us, there's a kind of ethereal calming of the soul; a relief, a release of anxiety. Because now you know it's not going to happen, and you can stop waiting and move on with your life.

Self-Rescue

You can now get to work on making it happen for yourself. You're now in control. Because waiting for someone else to rescue you from your current reality is handing over the reins to fate, and sitting and waiting for something external to happen to you. While this may seem easier, it's actually more stressful, because deep inside we feel stressed when we feel like our lives are out of our control. Taking it on yourself is to take control of your life, accept responsibility for yourself and your actions, and recognize that things don't just happen – you make them happen.

You can now freely let go of the idea that something outside of yourself, something that you have no control over, must happen or change before you can be happy. You can let go of the idea that someday things will be better, and you can start making things better today.

Because the reality is we don't ever really need saving.  We may think we do; we may have been brought up amid messages that convinced us to believe we are damsels in distress in need of a wonderful knight in shining armor to come and slay the dragons for us – and that may make for an exciting fantasy, but it's not the stuff of reality.  The price we pay for turning over that much control of our lives to someone who may or may not have our best interests at heart is always too high.

I remember all too well when this reality became clear to me.  Yet another man, another relationship had let me down, or so it seemed, when in reality, it was just another lesson sent to nudge me closer to embracing my true self, to stop looking outside of myself and start realizing I had it all right here inside me.  I was enough!  I didn't need anyone to save me.  I was no damsel in distress. I didn't need anyone to slay my dragons.

I only needed to find myself to discover that I was enough.  In and of myself.   And to learn the difference between finding someone to join me as my equal in this adventure we call life versus someone I'd always be looking up to, putting up on a pedestal, losing myself in the process.  And that's more real than any superficial knight coming to save me could ever be.

Do The Work

If you want your life to be different, it's time to know that you're in control and that you're fully capable of making the changes that are necessary to make your life different. The first step is in building up your self-esteem and realizing your true worth, your value.

It's in this process of raising your self-esteem and getting healthy for yourself that you change the patterns of your past. Instead of ending up just as unhappy in the next relationship as you've been in prior relationships, with a healthier you, you'll attract a relationship that's both a happier and healthier one.  Remember, you need to be healthy before you can be in a healthy relationship.

In the last post I said that you want a partner, not a patient. This time I'll say the reverse – you want a partner, not a therapist. If you have debilitating self-doubt, get the help that you need before you're in a relationship. If you're already in a relationship, get the help that you need outside of your relationship.

Sure, you can rely on your partner for support and encouragement, as you well should, but get the help you need from a professional. If seeking professional help is not practical, due to financial or other reasons, then get yourself some good books to study, and do the work (reading about it alone won't do anything – you need to do the deep work on yourself).

It also helps to find someone outside of the relationship that you can talk to & bounce ideas off of. Maybe it's a friend, coworker, or family member.  The important thing is that it be someone who is non-judgmental and trustworthy.

And remember that I'm always here for you also – I'm just an email away.

Next post in this series: Are You Looking for Someone to Complete You?

  • « Previous Page
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • Next Page »

SUBSCRIBE TO OUR MAILING LIST AND I’LL SEND YOU THIS GIFT!

Make Him Adore You Send me the video!

Programs

About Jane Garapick

Hi, I'm Jane Garapick. I'm here to provide inspiration, support and empowerment on the journey to true love. I know what it’s like to have a broken heart, a broken dream, and a broken you. And I know for a fact, that your dreams can still come true! Read more...
  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • RSS
  • Twitter
  • YouTube

Join Me On Facebook!

Getting to True Love

Popular Posts

Green freeway sign with Commitment written on it.

7 Things I've Learned About Men Who Are Afraid Of Commitment

A man telling a woman he just wants to be friends. They are standing in a park on a path, out of focus, with the camera looking through branches.

He Just Wants To Be Friends

Attractive young woman awaits a phone call. wondering why he hasn't called.

The Worst Thing You Can Do When He Hasn't Called

A beautiful woman is upset because of the way her boyfriend treats her as he watches TV.

Why He Treats You the Way He Does

A beautiful woman looks at her phone wondering why he hasn't called.

The REAL Reason He Hasn’t Called

A beautiful woman is looking at her ex boyfriend with his new girlfriend, wondering why he wouldn't commit to her.

Why He'll Commit to Her, But Not to You

If you've let him know that you expect the same level of commitment from him that you've given him, and he can't give you the commitment that you're looking for, then there’s only one thing for you to do. A clock is showing that it's time to move on.

Your Best Response When You're Not Getting the Commitment You Want

A beautiful woman is being hugged

Will He Ever Want a Committed Relationship? 3 Signs He Might

Image of a man who looks like a player showing signs he's not into you.

14 Warning Signs That He’s Not That in to You

You're the one who really has tried everything to get him to come around and fully commit. You're the one who's given him more than enough time to come around and finally make the commitment . A beautiful woman is upset that her boyfriend won't give her the commitment she wants.

The Worst Thing You Can Do When He Won't Commit

As Seen On…

Latest Tweets

Tweets by @JaneGarapick

Recent Comments

  • Heather on Why No Contact NEVER works and what to do instead
  • Emma Verhoog on The Difference Between Giving Up Too Soon and Giving Up Too Much
  • Jin on Three Things You Can Do When He’s Getting Emotionally Distant
  • stavkapro on Your Best Response When You're Not Getting the Commitment You Want
  • Turning Your YouTube Channel Into a Cash Flow. on The REAL Reason He Hasn’t Called
  • Snehal on My Boyfriend Fell Out of Love With Me

Calendar

May 2025
M T W T F S S
 1234
567891011
12131415161718
19202122232425
262728293031  
« Oct    

Copyright © 2025· Getting to True Love, LLC · All rights reserved · Privacy Policy · Refund Policy · Terms of Service

We use cookies to ensure you receive the best experience on our website. If you continue to use this site we will assume that you are okay with our terms :)Got it!