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Do Nice Guys Really Finish Last?

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A nice guy is holding a gift for his girlfriend.
He's a great guy, but I feel like I'm missing that love that makes you feel alive.

One of our beautiful readers, Kitt, is wondering if she should go for the nice guy, or if she's settling.

Here's her email:

Hi Jane. So glad I found your blog! It has given me great insight. I hope hearing from you can give me guidance. Here goes.

I was with my ex for 4.5 years.

The relationship has its ups and downs but overall one that had me alive and thinking he was the man and only one I would marry. My soulmate. We were so compatible on many levels, great sex and I love being with him.

I have always told him 3 years since I was 30 at the time on whether we would should know to take the next step or not. Of course that was a mistake but I realized he had commitment issues. 3 years came and no next step till I ended things and moved back to NY from CA.

He chased me to NY and proposed.Continue Reading

How Much Time to Allow Before Commitment?

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A beautiful woman is sitting on a beach looking at the ocean, wondering when he'll commit.
How long is reasonable for him to change his mind?

Our gorgeous friend, who has called herself "Undecided" is in a relationship with a man who doesn't want a commitment.

Here's her email:

I have known my male friend for 5 years. We were both separately married but 18 months ago my friend separated from his wife of 12 years and 6 months ago my husband passed away.

We have since then been good friends not just acquaintances.

He is a very understanding warm lovely person. We both have a disability child and both are very similar. So we understand each other.

My friend has been through two marriage breakups and I can understand why he doesn't want to commit as he doesn't want to get hurt again. I'm still getting over my late husband so I can't commit but some day I would like to have that commitment but I have to look after my children first.

I'm giving myself 5 years to get over my bereavement. I'm hoping this will be enough time for him to change his mind.

What do you think?Continue Reading

Has he changed? Can a person change?

38 Comments

A beautiful woman is leaning her head against a wall, frustrated that her emotionally unavailable ex boyfriend is now in a committed relationship with another woman.
Why did he tell me he didn't want a serious relationship, and now he's in a serious relationship with her?

One of our beautiful readers, who calls herself "Bdoll", has been with an emotionally unavailable guy on and off for the better part of the last five years. He had consistently told her that he didn't want a serious relationship, only to suddenly break up with her and start a serious relationship with another woman.

Here's her email:

I dated someone for 4.5 years on and off.  They say when someone says they don't want to get married, or have a long term relationship, it means "with you!". Or does it mean 'in general'.

He told me from Day 1, that he did not want a relationship, but had one in every sense of the word anyway. The chemistry between us was like nothing I had ever experienced before, it was the pinnacle of any adult relationship I had had previous.

The timing was not right for him, and I believe this to be critical for a man.

This was a 52 year old man, never married. Very charismatic, educated, smart, and had been in plenty of relationships, live-in and long term. Had his choice of woman, always. But wasn't settled in his career, and very unhappy about it.Continue Reading

No commitment? Here's the One Thing You CAN Change About Yourself that WILL Change Him

37 Comments

Silhouette of a woman and man watching the sunset over the ocean.
Change just this one thing, and watch it change everything!

You've tried everything up until now. And nothing seems to be working.

He's feeling pressured, so you back off. He's saying he's confused, so you try to help him sort through his confusion.

You give him more space – on the surface, but in your mind, there's no space between you. He's always on your mind. His last words are always on your heart. Never far away. Always ready to do something, to show him how much he should want to be with you. To try to convince him why the two of you could be the best thing ever.

But there's something you've missed here. It has nothing to do with him, but everything to do with you.Continue Reading

Stuck in the Pretense of a Relationship

23 Comments

A beautiful woman sits on a bench upset, wondering if she ruined her relationship.
What if I ruined things by leaving?

Our beautiful friend, Metta, is wondering if she may have ruined things with the man she's dating by letting him know that she wants an exclusive relationship with him.

Here's her story:

Hi Jane,

I've been reading several of your articles on dating someone who isn't wanting to commit and find them really helpful. I appreciate you sharing your gifts and insights. Hopefully you have the chance to read through this all as I would love to hear from you!!

I have been in an undefinable relationship with someone for close to a year now. He said early on that he just wants to be friends because of our age difference (he's 15 years older). However, we've continued to see each other and act as if we're dating.Continue Reading

Is There a Chance He'll Want to Become Serious After Awhile And "Come Back"?

62 Comments

Profile of a beautiful woman wondering if her guy will ever want a committed relationship.
Is there a chance, or am I just wasting my time?

Our beautiful friend, Eve, is dating a guy that has told her he doesn't want a commitment, and she's wondering what to do next.

Here's her story:

Dear Jane,

First and for all, thank you for all the good advice and real life stories. I have learned a lot from them.

My story is similar to some I already read, although I feel there is a nuance which makes me still doubt my situation.

The end of March, I met a guy through mutual interests (we were both playing Music at the same event) and after adding me on facebook, we quickly started chatting and he asked me on a date in the same week.

The date was incredible; he was thoughtful, funny, humble, intelligent and very handsome. He kissed me during the date and after a little while, asked if he could come back home with me. I wasn't planning on doing that, but for some reason, I went along with it.Continue Reading

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