love yourself

Why Do I Have to Do All This Work? Why Not Her?

A beautiful woman looks in a mirror wanting it to be the way it was. — It begins right here, looking in the mirror.

I’ve been thinking about you.

Thinking about how to put into words the core meaning of my message to you.

Yes, it’s about finding out who you are and shedding old programming, etc. But the question you explicity ask is the one that needs more of an answer to get to the real root of what I’m talking about.

Why? Why do I HAVE to do this work? Why does SHE get to find love, get married, find someone to love her for who she is? Why does SHE get him without doing all the work? Why do I HAVE to go on this journey to figure out who I am FIRST?

Why me? Why not HER?

We're angry. So angry. Most of which we’re not even aware of.

But we can’t be angry. We may get sad, but we don’t do angry. Maybe frustrated – as we’ve learned to downplay it because it won’t fit the good little girl image we have to uphold at all costs - but not angry. Because that’s scary.Continue Reading

The Last Layer

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A beautiful woman looks out the window at the sun shining through realizing she has a fresh start. — There's one more layer you haven't uncovered yet.

When your view of yourself is limited to the words you heard growing up as a child from people who had so many of their own issues, because they didn't know how to love themselves let alone love you, their words become your own.

You don't see yourself as lovable, beautiful, spirited, passionate, confident.

You see yourself as flawed, unlovable, clumsy, messy, stubborn, lazy or whatever other words were thrown at you.

As adults, when we don't understand these underlying roots of our assumed identities, we attract people who are familiar to us. People who remind us of our parents, who have a similar view of us as we're used to.

As much as we can hardly bear to hear those words spoken or implied again, it's the only thing we know.

That's why separating those early roots from our reality today is such an important part of creating healthy relationships. We have to first be attracted to healthy people before we can form healthy relationships!

The Part No One Told You About

No, You're Not Expecting Too Much

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Female hands holding a sand in form of the heart — Don't ever let yourself become numb to what love really is.

Kindness.

Gentleness.

Compassion.

Empathy.

Actions.

Not shallow words that mean nothing without the behavior to accompany them.

Look around you.

Are these what you experience from your lovers, your boyfriends, your girl friends, your family, all these ones you give so much of your time, your energy, your own kindness and gentleness and compassion and empathy to?Continue Reading

The One Quality He Totally ADORES (Hint: You Already Have It)

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A happy couple in love embrace outside. — This is what he really want you to be.

Remember that feeling you get when you’ve just read something so inspirational, when you’ve just had a great coaching session, when you’ve just had that epiphany of sorts and you’re so clear about who you are, what you have to offer and what you bring?

NOTHING can dull that shine you’re feeling.

Or at least, nothing until you step out into the world and see you’re not the only one who’s got that shine, it’s everywhere.

There is nothing quite like the comparing yourself to others to dull your own shine.

It’s deflating.

Suddenly, all those feelings you had seemed like hype.

You’re back to questioning, doubting, buying into someone else’s programming that all the good ones are taken – or at least the ones who are capable of a commitment.Continue Reading

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Why Do I Have to Do All This Work? Why Not Her?

The Last Layer

The Part No One Told You About

No, You're Not Expecting Too Much

The One Quality He Totally ADORES (Hint: You Already Have It)

Does It Feel Like It’s Never Enough?

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