Remember that feeling you get when you’ve just read something so inspirational, when you’ve just had a great coaching session, when you’ve just had that epiphany of sorts and you’re so clear about who you are, what you have to offer and what you bring?
NOTHING can dull that shine you’re feeling.
Or at least, nothing until you step out into the world and see you’re not the only one who’s got that shine, it’s everywhere.
There is nothing quite like the comparing yourself to others to dull your own shine.
Suddenly, all those feelings you had seemed like hype.
Yes, comparing ourselves to others brings us down. But it doesn't have to. Not anymore.
Let’s hold off and see if I can convince you to see this in a different light.
What if instead we focus on “original.” As in you’re an original. Can we go there for a minute? Because this is one thing I definitely know you are.
Our response to this feeling is usually the worst one we can possibly have. We either shrink back and become less of ourselves, or we rise up with a false sense of self that can’t pass the reality test and we know it.
Either way, we lose ourselves. Right along with any celebration of our uniqueness in the process.
But it doesn’t have to be this way!
The other response, the one we’re not used to, is the one that’s called for here. The one that calls for you to be more of who you are, not less. The one that calls for you to look deeper into your uniqueness, your individuality, your one of a kindness that no one else has exactly like you.
THIS is that one quality that matters so much more than you ever give yourself credit for!
It’s the very thing you’re so critical about yourself that makes you your own unique, one-of-a-kind woman.
He’s not looking for a carbon-copy of someone else. No man worth being with wants someone who’s just like everyone else to be his special someone.
Look at our programming!
We’re shown image after image of what we’re supposed to look like, how we’re supposed to behave. It’s a clear blueprint of what we’re supposed to be like, rather than celebrating the unique difference each of us brings to the world, and to every one of our relationships.
What makes you unique? What makes you one-of-a-kind? What do you have that sure, everyone else might have as well but you're the only one who has it in your own special way?
This isn’t a contest, this isn’t a competition, there’s enough love and commitment and men to go around no matter what other messages you’ve heard might say.
There’s a whole marketing genre around keeping you believing that you have to keep reinventing yourself and buying more and more things to make yourself better. But if you looked at what a real man wants, if you stop and think about what a real man is actually looking for, it’s not some carbon copy of someone else - it’s you, all you, unapologetically you.
Sure you’re not perfect. None of us are!
But you’re the one who keeps working on yourself, you’re the one looking at yourself, you’re the one always wondering what’s wrong with you.
You already know all your flaws, all your imperfections; you know those all too well and you’re working on understanding their root, understanding why and making steps towards changing them.
Be so proud of yourself for that!
But the rest of you, the rest of those things you get so down on yourself about, the "too muchness" things or the "not enoughness" other things, those are the ones I want you to take a good look at.
What if they’re only too much for the ones who aren’t right for you? What if they’re only not enough for the ones who could never, ever be the fit that you’re actually looking for?
That’s the perspective I want you to have.
Be passionate about the things you’re passionate about. Be too much about those things if that’s how you feel. Blending in with the crowd makes it so much harder for him to see you, not easier.
Don’t worry about what everyone else thinks about you.
Men don’t commit to the crowd or the woman who blends in because she doesn’t know who she is. They commit to the woman who knows who she is, who knows what she wants, who knows what turns her on, who knows what she won’t settle for, and respects herself enough not to apologize for any of it!
Are you hearing this? Good!
If you have a reason why you feel this totally applies to you (or if you have a reason why it totally doesn't apply to you), I want to hear that reason from you. Share it here in the comments so I can tell you why I wrote this especially for YOU!