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I'm Having a Hard Time Moving On

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Beautiful woman sad sitting on the window sill and painting on glass feeling heartbroken because it's hard to move on.
I know I need to let go, but it's hard to move on.

The letter this week comes from our gorgeous friend Gigi, who's finding it hard to move on and let go of a guy she felt she had immediate physical chemistry with.

Here's her story:

I began dating a man right before Christmas.

We both agreed to just see where things went, but we had an immediate physical chemistry. So we had sex on the second date.

We saw each other three to four times a week for HOURS at a time. Not always sex, so I began to really like him.

Then I asked him if he was seeing anyone else because I wanted to make sure we were still on equal footing. He said he was and assumed I was. I told him that I was communicating with other men, but had not actually gone on any dates with them. I assumed this was a casual date or two with this other woman because he said he wasn't in a place to get exclusive as he was trying to find a new job.

For two weeks I continued to see him and sleep with him- basically hoping he would choose me. I got needy and wondered if he was with her...tried not to mention it to him, but I"m sure it was obvious by my moods.

He told me that we needed to stop having sex because it was messing with my mind. He didn't think it was right. Then he said it wasn't fair to HER to go out with her and then come home to me. He had taken HER to parties and out with his friends and his grown kids.

I felt like a slut.Continue Reading

Should I Call it Quits or Keep Trying?

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Street sign showing direction for should I stay or should I go.
Should I ask him what is going on, or just move on?

Our letter this week comes from beautiful Gail. She's seeing the signs of the slowly disappearing man, but she's not quite ready to let go and she's wondering if she should keep trying to work it out.

Here's what she wrote:

Hi Jane - I love your blog and have gained much insight from it - but I am still stuck with this particular dating dilemma, which I know is a fairly common one.

I have been online dating with a guy for around 4 months (we live about 7 hours car drive from each other) - I am 52, he is 56.  We hit it off right from the start and he was very romantic, telling me how he was falling for me big time, could imagine us spending our lives together, etc!

I really liked him and felt this might be the lucky charm (after several bad experiences).

He said he was really busy with his business in the run up to the end of the year, but he would make time soon to come and see me.  (Sorry, but I was not going to offer to go and visit him, I do feel that should come from him, first.)

Well, you can probably imagine what has happened.Continue Reading

Will It Ever Work Out?

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A beautiful woman sits on a bench, looking discouraged, wondering if it will ever work out.
I don't want to be in a relationship with anyone else.

Beautiful Katie has been dating a guy who's suddenly gotten very hot and cold on her. He says he doesn't want a serious relationship, and now she's wondering if it will ever work out.

Here's Her Story:

So a while ago I started seeing this guy and things were pretty good.

I had been talking to him for a while before that and we had a lot in common. When we finally met up in person it was like I had finally found someone who understood me. He was extremely nice and polite and sweet - all qualities I never knew I wanted.

I was always reading a lot into the relationship though. I hate not knowing how other people feel about me.

We went on two dates and the second one went similarly, where we got along amazingly, better than I had with anyone else, and it felt really right. He made me extremely happy.

From the beginning I was worried that he wasn't as into me as I was in him because he didn't kiss me on the first date, but then he did on the second one. We were talking almost every day after that and would have long conversations about what we wanted in life, we have very similar wants for our futures.

On top of that we have a lot in common. A lot.

It feels like we're reading each other’s minds sometimes. I got into a bad car accident after our second date and things kinda spiraled from there. I was really depressed and needed someone to be there for me in a way that was kind of asking too much of him since we weren't that serious and I got disappointed.

He was there for me but I wanted some stupid gesture like showing up at the hospital or coming to see me to make sure I was okay. That didn't happen but things were still going pretty well and he was there for me for a lot of it.

Then he stopped texting me back.Continue Reading

Will He Come Back?

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Woman upset after her boyfriend pulled away and disappeared, wondering if he'll ever come back.
Some tiny part tells me to wait but I know I shouldn't.

Our beautiful friend, Tali, had her boyfriend of 4 months suddenly pull away and then disappear and she's wondering if he'll ever come back.

Here's her email:

Dear Jane,

Thank you I just read your reply to Elise's email and it helped me as your emails always help me when I'm going through these constant painful patterns.

The guy I had been seeing for 4 months, who was calling me every day, sometimes even talking on the phone for hours and we were going on dates...messaged me and told me he needs time and he will find a way to get our connection back.

I was very upset and wrote back to his message including questions and he never wrote back.Continue Reading

How Do I Get Him To Chase Me?

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A woman is dating online looking at her laptop wondering how to get him to chase her.
Do I still keep talking to him or move on?

Our beautiful friend, Cyndi, has been dating a guy who seems to be a bit "hot and cold". Right when she feels like there's a connection, he suddenly disappears on her for days at a time.

Her Story:

Hi Jane,

I am a 48 year old woman, and currently in the middle of a divorce, which luckily is very amicable.

I have been separated for almost four years. During the last four years I have dated and been in relationships with it seems like the same kind of man - either unavailable or still in love with their ex's - so as you can see they haven't been successful.

Even though I learned a new lesson with each man, I am still  confused as to how I should be acting especially in the early stages.

Which leads me to my question.

I have been emailing, texting and talking with a man I met on an online site. At first I would hear from him daily, then he would disappear for a few days, then come back, with an explanation of being really busy, and then disappear again.Continue Reading

Things Were Going So Well - Then He Disappeared!

28 Comments

Woman-looking-at-phone-wondering-why-he-suddenly-disappeared
Why is he completely ignoring me?

Our letter this week comes from one of our sweet readers, who has chosen to call herself "Confused and in Love (I'll just call her "Love"). Her boyfriend has suddenly stopped answering all calls, emails and texts - he's basically disappeared on her.

Her email:

Hi, I was hoping you could provide me some advice.

I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for over 8 months. He's a great guy and always is considerate and thoughtful of me and my feelings.

The past 8 months have been fantastic, maybe some very minor bouts of miscommunication (less than what I could list on one hand) but other than that great.

He recently (less than a month ago) got a new job that he is very excited and nervous about (it’s his dream job and he wants to excel at it). Since getting this new job he’s been a bit stressed and less present in the relationship, he was still putting effort into the relationship but not as much as before.Continue Reading

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