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How Do I Recover from a Narcissist (and Make Sure I Never Fall for One Again)?

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sad woman walking on the city street at sunset

Our letter this week comes from Andrea, who's recovering from her marriage to a narcissist. She wrote to me wanting to know more about these men, and how she can keep from finding herself in a relationship with one again.

Here's her story:

Hi Jane,

Could you write some information on narcissists?

I realized when I was 42 years old that my father is a text book case narcissist. I grew up in a crazy household due to his narcissism and watched my parents have a toxic marriage.

They are still married. (Don’t  ask me why except that my mom has been so beaten down and destroyed emotionally by him for so many years that, at the age of 70, she stays.) She truly is a prisoner living with him.

His narcissism has gotten worse as he has aged too. I learned in my college years to handle him by distancing myself from him because he is so toxic.Continue Reading

The Reason You Still Can't Believe It's Not You

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A beautiful woman looks down, sad, wondering if her boyfriend is getting distant.
Why do we do this?

I've been having some deep discussions on my calls lately, around the underlying subject of our longings for unconditional love.

Leftover from our childhoods, from a place most of us have never connected to the present, until we realize something must be amiss for us to keep attracting and choosing the men that we do. The irony is that while we long for unconditional love with every part of our heart and soul, we look for it precisely from the ones completely incapable of giving us that kind of love.

Why do we do this?

It makes no sense to our logical minds, but the pull is so strong (and entirely subconscious) to extract this kind of love from someone who cannot give it to us because he never received enough of any kind of love to have a place of overflow within himself that it could even come from.

Why the pull? It's because it's so familiar.

It's once again someone with so much potential because they give us glimpses of that soft part within them. We take that and run with it because even just the feeling of the possiblity of that potential lights us up to the possibility of what might be. This time might be different. This time. The promise of which is so familiar. Continue Reading

The ONE Question You Need to Ask Yourself NOW If You’re Serious About Finding Real Love

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A father plays with his young daughter.
We’re the ones who only ever wanted to be loved by him.

If you don’t get to the root, nothing changes. If you don’t find your “why”, you can’t know where to look.

And if you don’t like where you are today, change it.

How? Find your why.

Why do you keep falling for the same type of man? Why is this man so attractive to you? Why him, and not someone else?

And more specifically, why do you believe so strongly that you NEED him? What is it about him that has you putting up with things you said you’d never EVER put up with before there was him?

Most of the women I work with discover right away that almost every single one of these questions has a common denominator – and it’s not her we’re talking about here. It’s a specific man.

Namely, the man known as her dad.Continue Reading

The Man He Can't Be

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Silhouette of a father and daughter who play outdoors at sunset background.
Our hearts long for what could have been, but our peace is found in what is.

Most of us know by now the role he played. The reasons behind why we chase. The explanation for why we choose the ones we do.

You’ve heard me speak about this significant father/daughter relationship, and from the perspective of Daddy’s Little Girl.

I’ve coached so many of you on how to understand and accept, but not stay there. To become aware, to break the cycle instead of repeating the patterns that have such a hold on us.

For a little girl who kept it all inside, who never, ever felt safe to be angry, I had plenty to be angry about when I finally allowed myself to feel that emotion for the first time in my life when I was safe with my own family, with a man who would love me not only in spite of, but because of every emotion I felt.

And angry I was.Continue Reading

Daddy's Little Girl

52 Comments

A little girl holds her father's hand while at the beach.You're a little girl again.

He's coming in the door after work. You run as fast as your tiny legs can carry you to meet him. He catches you in his arms, picks you up and swings you around. You're daddy's girl; he adores you.

He comes over to your little play kitchen where you've made some special pretend cookies for just the two of you to share. He sits down at your little table and you pretend to eat them together.Continue Reading

How Your Father-Daughter Relationship Drastically Affects Your Love Life

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A beautiful woman hugs her father as she thinks about how her father daughter relationship affects her love life.
Our relationship with our dad sets the stage for all our future relationships with men.

He’s our first love. Our first example of what a man is like.

From the time we enter the world, our daddy becomes our everything.

He’s the one we run to when we need to feel safe and secure. He’s the one we go to when we have something to show the world.

He’s the one we want to know will always be there for us, no matter what we do or who we become. He’s the one we long to please.

And he's the one whose approval we're always striving for.

It sets the stage

Our relationship with our dad sets the stage for all our future relationships with men.

If he was there for us, both physically and emotionally, we learn that this is what we can expect from men and this is what we look for and gravitate toward in our own relationships with men.Continue Reading

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About Jane Garapick

Hi, I'm Jane Garapick. I'm here to provide inspiration, support and empowerment on the journey to true love. I know what it’s like to have a broken heart, a broken dream, and a broken you. And I know for a fact, that your dreams can still come true! Read more...
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