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Why do I still need his validation?

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A beautiful woman is leaning on a railing against a sunset, disappointed she hasn't heard from her boyfriend.
I shouldn't care but I do.

Our letter this week comes from Micah, who's wondering why she's still looking for validation from one of the worst guys she's ever been with, and why it still matters to her that she hears from him.

Here's her letter and my response below...

Hi Jane,

I'm having weird feelings about my "boyfriend" who moved away.

Normally, whenever I'd think about an ex or him, I couldn't help but long to be together again, the thought of having just one more time and how I'd do things differently - the whole 9 yards.

Whereas today, with him, I don't even get to that sad place.

I'm reminded of how everything he ever said and did was a lie. It's not enough to say I get mad when I think about him but more so, uninterested - can't be bothered mentally.

Though lately, well, I've been in a mad mood. A lot of people have been hearing from their exes and so naturally he's been on my mind, as each month goes by, it's a reminder how someone I cared for cared so little about me.Continue Reading

The Reason He Says "I Don't Know"

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Woman and man sitting on a curb breaking up, man with his head in his hands
Is it just an excuse?

He can’t tell you what he doesn’t know.

His words haunt us.

"I don’t know."

"I’m not sure why."

"I wish I could."

"I don’t mean to hurt you."

We’ve heard them all before.

The reality - the stark, harsh, cold reality - is that he can’t give you more of an answer to the questions you’re asking him because he really doesn’t know.

Yes, you and I would know.Continue Reading

He Was Super Into Me, Now He Says He Doesn't Want a Relationship

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A beautiful woman is looking at her ex boyfriend with his new girlfriend, wondering why he wouldn't commit to her.
And now I think he's with another woman!

Have you ever had a guy tell you how amazing you are, only to leave you brokenhearted? You're not alone. Beautiful Shaye shares her experience with a certain type of guy I think most of us have run into at least once.

Here's her story:

Hi Jane,

I’m 21, and consider myself very different. I graduated in 2.5 years with a chemistry degree, I’m headed to med school, I don’t drink.

Well I met a guy at the end of March on Bumble, who acted completely in awe of me every. single. day. He told me he had been in a bad wreck and it completely changed his mentality, and was glad I didn’t know who he was before the accident.

I was hoping he was different than other college guys.

I was a bit uncomfortable with his new frat, and sometimes the drinking. He said I completed him and I was all he ever wanted. Seems pretty soon to say that, but okay.Continue Reading

After One Wonderful Year, He Suddenly Changed

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A beautiful woman is feeling sad and broken hearted about her relationship.
Why did he act so loving only to break up with me?

Our letter this week comes from Abi, who had a feeling something was off and went on to find out she was right. Sound familiar? I have a feeling most of you can relate.

Here's her story:

Hi Jane, I’ve recently gone through a breakup. He was my first ever boyfriend and the first time I’ve ever felt loved. We were dating for almost a year until he suddenly changed - as if a switch just turned in his head.

This happened the day they announced lockdown in England and I went through six weeks of no communication from him unless I instigated the conversation. As the weeks went on his behaviour started to change which started to hurt me more and made me think as to why he was doing this.

I had an inkling that he was going to break up with me but I thought I was just being paranoid.Continue Reading

We Had Amazing Chemistry but I Haven't Heard From Him in 4 Days!

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Rear view of a woman holding the curtains open to look out of a large light window at home.
Should I reach out to him or not?

Our letter this week highlights one of the dilemmas so many of us have encountered before. Amazing physical chemistry and, well, some other things that aren't exactly amazing - or even acceptable.

That's the subject of today's letter, and like most of us who've been here before, it feels just a little too familiar.

Here's her story:

Hi Jane,

I’ve been dating this guy for two months. Sparks flew immediately.

I’m 32 and he’s 33. He’s a resident Pathology physician and I work at the same hospital, but in different departments.

We have amazing physical chemistry and we would text each other constantly throughout the day and evening.  He would tell me that I make him nervous and that he thinks about me all the time.Continue Reading

This Is What You Need to Do About the Man Who Won't Commit

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A beautiful, exuberant woman is in a field with her arms raised towards the sun.
Do this first - then you'll know what to do with him.

I talk to so many women who all want to know what they should do about a particular man who's dragging his feet, who comes and goes but not on any schedule they can count on, who's all but living like a single guy while he's supposed to be in a relationship with them.

Every one of their friends tells them to dump him, but the truth is, until you're ready to dump him, you can't, you won't, and you're going to be miserable if you do.

You already know what you're going to do regardless of what I or anyone else say you should do. So I'm going to tell you to do something else.

Shift the focus from him to you.

Find out everything you can about why you are the way you are and how your personality combined with your environment to make you the way you are.

Find some people or animals or cause or something else outside yourself that desperately needs all that love you have for him, and pour your heart into that. Continue Reading

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