I've written a lot about fathers. Especially about how it's our primary father-daughter relationship (or lack of one) that sets the stage for who we're attracted to when we're older.

Our entire understanding of the emotionally-available man is built around the type of relationship we had with our dads.

And so today, as I called my own dad to wish him a Happy Father's Day, I was reminded of what I've come to know for sure over the almost 2 decades since I've been with my husband now, a man who couldn't be more unlike my dad.

I know my dad did the best he could with who he was and what he was taught when I was the little girl I used to be.

See, there's a process we go through when we first realize the cause of so much of our pain is because we're chasing after a mirror version of what we were missing in our relationships with our dads.

If your dad wasn't someone who sought you out, who pursued you, who came to you instead of you always having to come to him if you wanted a relationship with him, you won't think twice about chasing after men now.

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