Finding your YOU that leads to TWO
I've got a simple one for you today.
Prove it.
Prove it to yourself.
The one thing you're holding onto as your reason for not doing what it is you actually want to do. The one thing you don't believe you can be. The one thing you don't believe you can have.
Prove yourself right.
Because this is a theme that comes up time and time again in my emails and calls with you.
It's woven all throughout your stories.Continue Reading
I want to be so gentle here with you, because I know exactly how it feels when you're in this situation.
You love this guy. You don't want to just let him go and start your own life.
Sure it feels good to say "I'm leaving him" and hear the cheers from every woman who's gone before you, every woman who's ever made this difficult choice herself, but this was never the way you wanted it.
You never chose this heartbreak, and all you wanted was for him to change back to the way he used to be when you fell in love with him in the first place.
You're lonely without him. You're lonely with him. You don't know which is worse and you're afraid to find out in case you make the wrong choice.
This was always the hardest decision you were ever going to make.Continue Reading
It's one of the most seemingly benign things that I teach my coaching clients early, but it's a consequential one.
Learning to say "no" in your own voice, in your own way.
Gently, but firmly.
The most important part is that it's in your own voice in a way that reflects your own personality, in a way that you feel comfortable owning it.
If it's only what someone else tells you to say, it won't have the same effect. You have to practice this until it comes naturally from you!
Don't explain, don't defend. Say it again clearly if you need to.
See, when you've been told your whole life you're not allowed to have boundaries, when you've been conditioned to make everyone else feel good regardless of how you feel, one of the hardest things you'll ever do is risk disappointing someone by saying the words they least want to hear - you saying "no".
But if you're going to find the right ones for you, you've got to make sure you can say no to the wrong ones first!
One small step in the right direction. Yes, it does start with something this simple.
And if you need help with this, just let me know.
Love,
Jane
How about you, Beautiful? Do you have a hard time saying "no"? Share your feelings, experiences and struggles with us below in the comments!
It's usually after you've tried everything else that you find your way here.
When everyone else has made you feel so much worse for not being able to figure this whole life/love/relationships thing out on your own, and you can now add shame to everything else you feel.
Did they think you didn't want to be able to figure this out on your own?
Of course you did! It's no wonder you have to build up the courage to finally try again.
Maybe this time will be different, but do this enough times and it makes perfect sense why you've resorted to humor or sarcasm or just about any other coping mechanism to hide your pain.
Don't play this game anymore.
This going back to the same people you couldn't count on before to try to get some love and grace, only to feel once more that there's something wrong with you that you can't do the scariest thing; something (anything) different.Continue Reading
You have a line.
We all do.
I don't know where yours is, but somewhere along the way, you'll find it.
It hasn't been crossed yet or you would know, because something would be different. Nothing would be the same.
It wakes us up. It brings our excuses to a halt. It brings out a side of us we've never known before.
It's your boundary. Your line in the sand. The one thing you won't stand for.
You won't know you have it until it's so clearly right there in front of you.
And then, even if you don't think you have the strength or resolve to stand, you will. Even if the conscious part of you can't do it, your subconscious will.Continue Reading
Who benefits from you believing you have to be perfect to be loved? Who gets rewarded when you hold the belief that you have to be something different than who you already are to "get" a guy, especially one of the good ones?
Who?
Is it you?
No, of course not.
These beliefs only keep you striving, trying too hard, discontented, lost, constantly searching for how to be better, different, and more perfect than who you already are.
We spend all our time, energy and money trying to gain that illusion of perfection that we don't even realize is only an illusion because we believe if we finally get it right, everything else will suddenly fall into place.
All those messages we've been told from the time we were old enough to read or watch TV or be marketed to in so many different ways, they've all told us the same thing.Continue Reading
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