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How soon should I have the talk?

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Close up of a woman using mobile smart phone, wondering why she was ghosted and he suddenly stopped texting.
He only texts or calls if I text first.

If you're wondering when it's the right time to have 'the talk', you're not alone. Ella wrote to me asking for my advice on when to have this talk with her guy. Read on to hear what I had to say.

Her Story:

I have been talking to a guy that I met in an event for three weeks now. He lives in a different country, an hour flight away. Every time we talk it lasts for hours and he always mentions how much he enjoys talking to me. We both shared secrets and spoke about work family friends etc.

My issue is, I feel like I'm always the one initiating the conversation.

I would send a text like “hey good morning” or “how was your weekend” and he’d usually respond by calling or texting me to tell me that he would call me when he’s back home.. and we’d end up talking for hours! I know we both enjoy talking to each other, and he does show interest every time I reach out but my pride is getting the best of me for always making the first move.

Also he called me yesterday and said that he would call me today on his way back home from work but it’s already 10:00 pm. He did tell me that he has a relative over and will be busy this month. But he could’ve apologized or rescheduled.Continue Reading

Feeling resentful? Here's why that's so NORMAL!

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Woman sitting by a lake feeling all alone in her relationship.
Could I really be right back here again?

I was on a call last week with a beautiful woman I'm coaching all the way from Africa. Our community has reached all around the world!

She was struggling with her deep - and completely justified - feelings of resentment after finding herself in yet another relationship where she's put in all the effort to keep a relationship going only to have it end in disappointment.

"When am I ever going to get this right, Jane?!" she asked me.

I empathize with her after voicing these same words more times than I ever thought possible.

"Could I really be right back here again?" For every one of you who've ever uttered these words, we all commiserate with you!

Who among us hasn't responded from our default hard-wired programming that tells us when someone pulls away, you try harder, you do more, you give more of yourself? Who of us haven't found ourselves doing what we would be so much better to do when it feels so counter-intuitive to our rising panic - to stop and let him come to you?Continue Reading

Stuck in a Long Distance Relationship with No Communication? You're Not Alone

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Close up of womans hand using mobile phone on a bokeh background, symbolizing that her boyfriend doesn't text her.
I know he's busy, but four days without even a text?

Our letter today comes from Becca, who's in a long distance relationship with a guy who's got a "too busy" schedule for her even as he's telling her he wants to settle down. She's not buying it and wants to know if she should stay or go.

Here's her story and my response:

Hi Jane,

I'm dating a film director who informed me from the jump that his schedule can be hectic and sometimes he may not be able to reply etc. He also told me his career comes before anything and anyone!

He's organizing his film premiere and I haven't heard from him in 4 days.

In general, I always get a hold of him or hear from him. We're in a long distance relationship, he's coming to see me in a couple of weeks and I just don't know if I can handle him choosing his career over me.Continue Reading

He Completely Dropped Off the Face of the Planet

3 Comments

Close up of a woman using mobile smart phone, wondering why she was ghosted and he suddenly stopped texting.
I haven't heard from him since.

Beautiful Sami writes to tell us her story of being ghosted by her relatively new long-distance boyfriend, and she's wondering what could have happened.

Read on for her story, along with my response:

Hi Jane,

I started seeing a guy who lives in a different state than me a few months ago. I've seen him three times in person, and those three times we were with each other almost non stop for days.

He even came to visit me one weekend and again, we were with each other the entire time. It was amazing.

When we weren't together, we would text constantly, every single day. He was usually the one who started the conversations, but I would start them occasionally, attempting to let him know that I was just as interested in talking to him as he was interested in talking to me.Continue Reading

When He Goes Radio Silent ... What Do I Do?

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Lonely sad beautiful woman feeling hurt and heartbroken holding phone because boyfriend has gone radio silent
He's giving me the silent treatment and it's so painful.

Ever encountered radio silence before? The silent treatment kind. The worst kind, right?

Well, our letter this week comes from Cecilia who's in the midst of a radio silent phase with her boyfriend of five years.Here's what she had to say and my response. Unfortunately, I'm sure many of you can relate.

Dear Jane,

I need some advice.

My boyfriend of 5 years is giving me the silent treatment and it’s so painful. Given how long we have been together, I cannot believe he would just go radio silent after an argument we had a few days ago.

He won’t tell me if he needs more time or if this is just over. I go between feeling heartbroken and just so angry.Continue Reading

He Never Messages Me or Starts the Conversation

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A beautiful woman lies in bed looking at her cell phone, wondering why he disappeared and won't answer her texts.
He only talks to me when we're together, in person.

Our letter this week comes from beautiful Dawn, who says her boyfriend doesn't want to call or text her.

Here's her letter:

Jane,

So my boyfriend will talk to me in person but never messages me or starts the conversation, and when I dont text him he get worried, but he says he doesn't like talking on the phone or texting.

And when I want to plan something with him I can never get a hold of him long enough to ask what we should do together - I mostly get hung up on in the first minute of talking, or he puts himself on mute so I can't hear him.Continue Reading

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About Jane Garapick

Hi, I'm Jane Garapick. I'm here to provide inspiration, support and empowerment on the journey to true love. I know what it’s like to have a broken heart, a broken dream, and a broken you. And I know for a fact, that your dreams can still come true! Read more...
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