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Your New Dream this Christmas

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The word love and a heart symbol written in snow.
It's time for a new dream this year - real LOVE!

It's that time of year again - the season that brings up so many mixed feelings. On the one hand, it's a time of excitement and joy; on the other, we're often filled with melancholy and loneliness, particularly when we don't have someone special in our lives.

Yes, it's the holidays.

If you're at all like I was (and I know you are), you approach the holidays so idealistically, overflowing with optimism. We always go into it believing that this time things will be different. Better.

This time, your mom will really hear what you're saying. This time you and your dad will really connect and share some special moments. This time your uncle will stop ribbing you about being "still single". This time there won't be family arguments after (or during) dinner.

The dream.

And then there's what I like to call the dream.

This time, we think, he's going to finally realize what he's got in you, and he's going to want a committed relationship.

You can picture it in your mind so vividly:

He comes walking up the path to your front door, a dozen red roses in hand, tears in his eyes. "I've been such a fool" he says.Continue Reading

I Know I Need to Let Go, But I Can't!

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a beautiful woman is holding her head with her hands because she feels like she's going insane over her boyfriend that won't commit.
After 4 years of this, I feel like I'm going INSANE!

One of our beautiful readers, who has chosen to remain anonymous, is in a toxic relationship with a bad boy that she knows is no good for her, but she can't let go.

Here's her story:

Hi Jane.

I really don't know what to do anymore - I have been holding on to this problem for 4 years now and I'm getting INSANE!

It all started 4 years ago when I was 18 years old - I met this boy who became my boyfriend.

We went to the same high school, and I was looking at him for 3 years before he noticed me and came over to talk. Few months later we were boyfriend and girlfriend. He was my first real boyfriend and I was so in love with him.

I can't even describe it - but I'm sure you know it feels.Continue Reading

The Truth About Happily Ever After

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And they lived happily ever after
But what did that look like?

You know that dream you have of happily ever after?

Well, I have some good news for you: There really is a happily ever after. It exists.

It’s just different from the book and movie versions we all grew up with.

The ones in the stories read aloud to us as children and the versions based on the same themes we later watched on television and in movie theaters as we grew older. Whatever the particular story, they all had the same ending we would come to expect and look forward to: the one that ended with the prince sweeping the damsel in distress off her feet and the final words, whether they were spoken or simply implied, "… and they lived happily ever after".

It wasn't until much later in life that I began to wonder, "How?"

Because after so many failed attempts at my own version of these same fairy tales that seemed so elusive to me, it became the question I so desperately wanted to know the answer to. "What happened next?"

But of course, that’s where the story always ended and we never heard what really happened after they got together. After the glow of the initial attraction was no longer the only thing each other saw, and the real story played out.

Continue Reading

His Side of the Story

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A man and a woman are having a serious discussion over dinner while he is telling her his side of the story.“I've never treated anyone as bad as I treated you, Jane. I just wasn't there but I didn't know how to communicate this to you.”

It was the other side of the story, the one I never heard before.

But now, with a new life and a new, more confident me, I had sought out the guy who had broken my heart just a few years earlier to see if he would meet up with me when I was back in town.

He agreed to, and we did, although if I was honest with myself, I was looking for more than just an explanation. I also wanted to see what might still be there now that time and distance was now between us and I was finally feeling confident on my own.

You know, that “let him see me now with how much I've changed and see if what couldn't be back then, might be possible be now” kind of story we all want to see.

And so over pasta in a hip little restaurant in the trendy West end of my hometown Vancouver, I asked him what I never had the courage to ask when I found myself sick over our relationship a few short years ago: “Why?”

He didn't know.

He couldn't answer me.

Except to say that he knew he had never treated anyone as badly as me – as badly as I knew in my heart I had allowed him to treat me.

Continue Reading

He Won't Let Me Move On

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A man is begging for forgiveness from his girlfriend while she is wondering if she should let go and move on.Our beautiful friend, who has called herself "Hopeless Romantic", is wondering if she should just let go and move on or give her boyfriend of 8 years one more chance.

Here's her story:

Hi Jane,

My situation is a little complicated, I met this guy about 8 years ago.

He tried very hard to get my attention and win me over so we started dating very soon after we met. When we met he told me he had been in the army and that he was about to finish college only for me to find out that all this was a lie and he only said it to try to impressed me.

Regardless of this, I forgave him and we continued our relationship.

Within 8 months of dating, he proposed and I said yes. I was not ready to get married yet and he was not financially stable nor had finished college so we decided to have a long engagement. During the next 4 years we had wonderful memories and were planning for a future together, but we also had a few speed bumps where I caught him emailing another girl and telling her how much he loved her.

He said she was his cousin and that nothing ever happened so I took him back.Continue Reading

Why You Need to Stop Chasing Him

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A woman is chasing a man covering his face with kisses.
You don't really want to chase him, and he doesn't want to be chased.

It never starts out this way. In fact, he may not even turn our head in the beginning.

But somewhere along the way, something changes.

When he starts pulling back, becoming emotionally unavailable, when we start sensing something just feels different, it takes over us - this need to do something, anything, but sit there and watch him slip away from us.

He promised us so much. We didn't expect to fall like this.

It didn't start out like this. But somewhere along the way, it happened. He kept trying to get our attention. He kept seeking us out until we decided to look over in his direction and notice him, too. After all, it must be the real thing if he keeps chasing after us like this, we think.Continue Reading

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