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Who is he?

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A man who is not ready to commit to a relationship is walking away into the foggy distance.
Are you seeing him for who he really is?

Who is this man who holds so much power over you?

Who is he really?

Is he some kind of superhuman? Some kind of god? Some kind of idol?

Someone so amazing, so incredible that he can affect you the way he does?

Look again. A little closer this time. Through the eyes of reality, not of potential.

He’s actually the opposite isn't he? He’s actually very human.

And to anyone else, he isn't really anything special at all. In fact, he’s the one they see so much more clearly than you. They see what he can’t give you. They see how sad you are so often. They see what you put yourself through time and time again in the name of what you always call love, just because you see something in him that they never will.

But you don’t see him that way at all.

The very things that they see and would give them reason to run, you see and it beckons you to come.

He’s the one no one else quite understands the way you do.

He’s the one you feel. He’s the one you sense.Continue Reading

Why He'll Commit to Her, But Not to You

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A beautiful woman is looking at her ex boyfriend with his new girlfriend, wondering why he wouldn't commit to her.
That was supposed to be me!

There's nothing quite like seeing the guy who just broke your heart out with someone else.

It doesn't seem to matter how much time has passed; if you haven't moved on and he has, there's nothing that stalls your progress as quickly as that sight. Seeing him with someone else, in that place where you were supposed to be. It makes you experience that heartbreak all over again.

"It was supposed to be me", you think to yourself.

How does it happen? You want to know. Why her – and not me?

I, too, spent far too many hours of my life trying to find the answers to both of those questions. Because, after all, if we know the answer to that, then we feel like we finally have some control over our lives.

After all, we've all heard the all-too familiar story of the rare guy who's been in his fair share of long-term relationships, but never found a reason to commit – until suddenly, we get the news through a friend that he's found the "right" woman for him and his previous aversion to commitment has suddenly gone away.

You wanted this with him. Why couldn't this be happening to you?

Why weren't you enough for him?Continue Reading

Your New Dream this Christmas

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The word love and a heart symbol written in snow.
It's time for a new dream this year - real LOVE!

It's that time of year again - the season that brings up so many mixed feelings. On the one hand, it's a time of excitement and joy; on the other, we're often filled with melancholy and loneliness, particularly when we don't have someone special in our lives.

Yes, it's the holidays.

If you're at all like I was (and I know you are), you approach the holidays so idealistically, overflowing with optimism. We always go into it believing that this time things will be different. Better.

This time, your mom will really hear what you're saying. This time you and your dad will really connect and share some special moments. This time your uncle will stop ribbing you about being "still single". This time there won't be family arguments after (or during) dinner.

The dream.

And then there's what I like to call the dream.

This time, we think, he's going to finally realize what he's got in you, and he's going to want a committed relationship.

You can picture it in your mind so vividly:

He comes walking up the path to your front door, a dozen red roses in hand, tears in his eyes. "I've been such a fool" he says.Continue Reading

I Know I Need to Let Go, But I Can't!

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a beautiful woman is holding her head with her hands because she feels like she's going insane over her boyfriend that won't commit.
After 4 years of this, I feel like I'm going INSANE!

One of our beautiful readers, who has chosen to remain anonymous, is in a toxic relationship with a bad boy that she knows is no good for her, but she can't let go.

Here's her story:

Hi Jane.

I really don't know what to do anymore - I have been holding on to this problem for 4 years now and I'm getting INSANE!

It all started 4 years ago when I was 18 years old - I met this boy who became my boyfriend.

We went to the same high school, and I was looking at him for 3 years before he noticed me and came over to talk. Few months later we were boyfriend and girlfriend. He was my first real boyfriend and I was so in love with him.

I can't even describe it - but I'm sure you know it feels.Continue Reading

The Truth About Happily Ever After

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And they lived happily ever after
But what did that look like?

You know that dream you have of happily ever after?

Well, I have some good news for you: There really is a happily ever after. It exists.

It’s just different from the book and movie versions we all grew up with.

The ones in the stories read aloud to us as children and the versions based on the same themes we later watched on television and in movie theaters as we grew older. Whatever the particular story, they all had the same ending we would come to expect and look forward to: the one that ended with the prince sweeping the damsel in distress off her feet and the final words, whether they were spoken or simply implied, "… and they lived happily ever after".

It wasn't until much later in life that I began to wonder, "How?"

Because after so many failed attempts at my own version of these same fairy tales that seemed so elusive to me, it became the question I so desperately wanted to know the answer to. "What happened next?"

But of course, that’s where the story always ended and we never heard what really happened after they got together. After the glow of the initial attraction was no longer the only thing each other saw, and the real story played out.

Continue Reading

His Side of the Story

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A man and a woman are having a serious discussion over dinner while he is telling her his side of the story.“I've never treated anyone as bad as I treated you, Jane. I just wasn't there but I didn't know how to communicate this to you.”

It was the other side of the story, the one I never heard before.

But now, with a new life and a new, more confident me, I had sought out the guy who had broken my heart just a few years earlier to see if he would meet up with me when I was back in town.

He agreed to, and we did, although if I was honest with myself, I was looking for more than just an explanation. I also wanted to see what might still be there now that time and distance was now between us and I was finally feeling confident on my own.

You know, that “let him see me now with how much I've changed and see if what couldn't be back then, might be possible be now” kind of story we all want to see.

And so over pasta in a hip little restaurant in the trendy West end of my hometown Vancouver, I asked him what I never had the courage to ask when I found myself sick over our relationship a few short years ago: “Why?”

He didn't know.

He couldn't answer me.

Except to say that he knew he had never treated anyone as badly as me – as badly as I knew in my heart I had allowed him to treat me.

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