Finding your YOU that leads to TWO
The Inspiration category contains posts intended to inspire you to be your best in both love and in life. To remind you that you are beautiful, that you have worth, that you deserve the best that life and love have to offer. The Inspiration category also includes a collection of various poems, stories, etc. that have given me inspiration over the years that I'm now sharing with you.
A wonderful friend of mine shared this video with me just now, and it brought tears to my eyes. I know a lot of you aren't on Facebook so I wanted to post it here on the site.
It's so true - all of these women are so beautiful.
And so are you.
Please pass this along to all of the gorgeous women in your life.
Happy New Year my beautiful friends!
As 2013 draws towards its close, like most of us, I’m doing some reflection on the past year.
There's always been something about the prospect of a having a clean slate and a fresh start that has always inspired me. Over the years I've made my share of New Year's resolutions, resolving to do this or that, or becoming more or less of something else.
But one of the things that's frequently forgotten in the anticipation of the glittering promise of the New Year is leaving the past year behind and letting go.
Letting go of what we want to do differently.
Letting go of what didn't work, what wasn't meant to be, of what we can’t change.
Letting go of regret.
Letting go of loss.
Letting go of so many things, depending on what we're talking about.
We can get so caught up in the getting to where we want to go part that we don't even realize all the baggage we're still carrying around with us.
Because it's only when we let go that we open ourselves up to all that's still to come.
It’s only when we let go that we allow ourselves to move forward instead of backward.
It’s only when we let go that we can see what’s been there all along, but we couldn't see before.
No matter how much we believe we have every right to keep hanging on, no matter how much we convince ourselves that it's serving us well to keep holding on, it doesn't.
It serves us nothing to keep holding on like this to whatever, or whoever, we're holding onto so tightly.
Yes, you may have every right to be angry, you may have every right to be devastated. But where does that get you? What does that do for you, my beautiful friend?
Whatever happened, whatever didn't happen, whatever should have happened according to you, what does holding onto that get you now?
That's right. Nowhere.
It only eats away at you, tears you apart, and leaves you with nothing.
Enough of the past. Enough of what didn't work. Enough of all the trying, the endless second-guessing, the crawling, the begging, the pleasing, the endless beating ourselves up, lamenting what we could have had if only we had done or said something different.
We can spin such a very powerful story around why we can't let go, why we have to keep hanging onto this, why we have to keep doing this to ourselves. But we don't.
It's detrimental to our beautiful selves.
When we hang on to what was, we miss out on what is.
When we hang on to what could have been, we can't see what can be.
When we hang on to our story, we miss the new story that's just waiting to be told.
We all have our stories.
What do you need to let go of? Let it go here and now.
I can't explain how it happens, but something changes when we finally let it go. Release it, let it go, and know that, in the long run, it doesn't really matter.
Later, when you look back on your life with the happy heart of your future self, you will see how small this was in the grand scheme of things. You'll see how even this was part of your journey, as much as you don't see it now.
Looking back at 2013, what do you need to let go of once and for all? Share it with us here in the comments as we support each other on this journey of letting go.
I know we all have our reasons.
We all have our deeply ingrained stories about our lives and our loves that we've been programmed with since before we could even talk.
Stories we've been told, and have been re-telling ourselves for so long that they’re now simply a part of our subconscious belief system.
Embedded in our psyches.
And these stories keep us stuck.
It's what keeps us attracting men who are below that level. It's what keeps us attracted to men below that level.
It's what keeps us thinking things like "He's out of my league" and "I'm not good enough for a guy like him." All because we don’t believe we’re worth more than this.
So when we’re out and about, who is it we find ourselves attracted to? We don’t even notice the ones who would never dream of treating us the way we’re allowing ourselves to be treated. We don’t even see him among the crowd and we never give him the opportunity to see us because we’re operating at that level of belief that we are only worth so much.
And nothing more.Continue Reading
This is your life, my beautiful friend. With all of your dreams, your hopes, your desires.
You dream so big, but you ask for so little and you settle for even less.
You get so caught up in longing to begin your life with someone else, that you forget about this life you already have right here in front of you.
You falsely believe that if you just had the missing piece – him – everything else would fall perfectly in place.
But the reality is, that stage of your life will come. A time when it’s you and him. A time when “we” will replace “me” when it’s meant to be.
But right now, this is about you and your dreams and what kind of a difference in the world you can make just by being you and following your dreams and your passion.
Today, like no other time in history, you have the ability to make a difference. Right now. Right where you are.
With the internet, you can find more people like you, more community, more resources, more opportunities to connect. Which are all more outlets for making your dreams a reality.
Some of you have so graciously shared some of your ambitious, beautiful dreams with me and I've encouraged you to follow them and see where they take you.
I dare each and every one of you to take a chance on you to see where your own unique dreams may take you. Find a passion. Find your passion. It doesn't matter what it is, or what anyone else thinks about it, all that matters is that you believe that you have something to offer the world.
Because you do!
It’s your turn. It’s your life. Never again will you have this time all to yourself to choose how you want to spend every minute of it. This isn't about waiting around for your life to begin.
It’s about living the life you were born to live.
You choose.
You create it.
All you need to do is start somewhere. Anywhere.
You can do this no matter who you are. Because if I believe in you, and you believe in you, there’s no telling what you can do!
Find and get to know your inner diva.
I’ve got some breaking news: you don’t need a man to define your life! You don’t need a man to have a world to fit into. You don’t need a guy to feel like you can start living. In fact, it’s the opposite – your life is exactly that – yours. Men (at least the healthy ones) like women who have their own life. If a man wants a woman who’s going to devote their entire being to him, and cater to his every whim, then he’s got his own issues and we don’t want to go there anyway.
Your life is what you choose to make of it. You can keep waiting and hoping for the right guy to hurry up and come along and rescue you from your current life because you think it’s easier to be in someone else’s ready-made life than make one of your own. But the price you pay for that is your self-esteem, your worth, your confidence, your you. Because you can do it, too! Did someone forget to tell you that you can be anything you want to be? You can! You can do anything, be anything, and achieve anything, if you believe in yourself that you can.Continue Reading
One of our beautiful readers, Nadia, wrote to me asking how to learn to love yourself more. I realized that this is something that all of us soft-hearted, sensitive, caring souls need to learn to do better. Here's her letter along with my response to share with all of you.
Dearest beautiful Jane,
The last articles were really good, thank you really for that! I really benefit from them!! There is this one thing that I've got on my mind...I wonder how do you love yourself more? 🙂 I feel I'm lacking this self-love and I wonder if you can give me some tips? I would really appreciate it. Much love!
Nadia
Dear Nadia,
Thank you for your kind words. I'm so glad to hear these articles are resonating with you, and yet I understand what you are saying here; if the key to being more confident is learning to love yourself - how do you actually do that? Especially if you come from a place like so many of us do, where loving yourself is such a foreign concept, and self-loathing is a more accurate picture of what we're so used to doing!
A post I wrote about this, It's Time to Be Selfish, also speaks to this topic, but here's what I've discovered about the journey to love yourself more.
It's first and foremost about surrounding yourself with supportive people who love and accept you the way you are and make you feel good about yourself.
At the same time, it's about letting go of those people who have the opposite effect on you and are always overtly trying to change you, make comments that make you feel they don't truly accept you, and in one way or another send the message that you're not OK the way you are, you'd be better off being the way they think you should be, and ultimately give you the feeling that there's something wrong with you even though they don't know anything about what they're talking about! The don't.
Now if these people are members your family, while it's not possible to change our families of origin, we can choose to limit our interactions with them and set clear strong boundaries with them when we do need to be around them to limit the amount of control they're able to have over our lives and the way we feel. The idea here, is that by surrounding ourselves with supportive, positive people, it's much easier to be loving to ourselves than if we're always feeling like we need to defend or explain ourselves.
Get involved in hobbies, passions, activities and projects that you're passionate about and enjoy doing. There's nothing that sends a clearer message to ourselves that we're special and worthy and have so much to offer than doing things that give us proof of that. From the small things like being kind to people when we talk to them, to causes we support or volunteer for where we can genuinely make a difference in the world, it's doing these types of things that give us a whole person to love in ourselves - and reminds us of even more reasons why we're special and can make a difference in a way that's unique to us!
Only say yes to those things you really mean to say yes to, and remember it's OK to say no to the things you really don't want to do! So often we get so caught up in that pleasing mentality where we feel guilty if we say no, and we feel like we always have to say yes if we want people to like us, that we miss out on a wonderful opportunity to show our beautiful selves just how much we're worth and how loving we can be to ourselves.
We becomes so much less authentic when we give up being true to ourselves in exchange for giving people what we think they want from us, and in the process, we send ourselves the very unloving message that we don't have the right to stand up for ourselves and let our yes's simply be yes's, and our no's simply be no's, without long, apologetic defensive explanations.
Responses like this only make us feel worse about ourselves and make us sound like we don't truly believe we have the right to make our own decisions that are best for us! This one can be especially difficult to do if you received the message that saying no was selfish and being agreeable made you a good little girl. But it's also one of the most important things you can do to honor and respect that beautiful woman you truly are!
Stretch yourself to do things that are out of your comfort zone. Ask yourself what you believe isn't your strong point or your personality strength. Go back in time to think of those things that others told you that you couldn't do or thought you'd never be able to do. Whether the messages you received were subtle or not so subtle, chances are you got the clear message that there were some things you were better at than others, and some things you shouldn't even attempt to try.
The reality is, that those messages you received were based on other people's perception of you, and even though they may have had the best of intentions, such as not wanting you to fail, the end result is always the same. You end up with far too many should's and shouldn'ts that hold you back, give you a feeling of incompetence, and leave you much more likely to loathe yourself for all the things you can't do, rather than love yourself for all the things you can do!
Show yourself that you really can do whatever you put your mind to - this isn't about proving anything to anyone else, but yourself! And know that if there is something you fail at, it's never a failure but a learning experience that puts you more in touch with yourself as you learn even more about who you really are and what you're all about!
Give yourself a fresh makeover. Not that you need to change yourself in any kind of a drastic way, but sometimes just treating yourself to a new updated hairstyle, some new makeup, a new wardrobe, a fresh manicure or pedicure or whatever else is within your budget and fits your lifestyle can do wonders for how you feel about yourself. Don't do any of this for anyone else but yourself, and make sure it reflects who you are and not some hairstylist's or makeover artist's latest craze, but just some small steps to make you feel your best can do wonders for your self-esteem and your ability to see your beautiful, loveable self in a fresh new light.
Becoming your healthiest self by joining a fun exercise class, finding someone to run or bike with, taking up yoga or dance classes, and finding your own path to healthy living by learning to cook healthy meals for yourself are all ways that you send yourself the message that you're worth taking care of in healthy ways!
Finally, daily affirmations can make such a difference if you start each and every day with your favorite inspirational sayings that you post as a reminder on your bathroom mirror or fridge reminding you of all that you are, all that you have to offer someone truly deserving of you, and all that is beautiful and loveable about yourself! Find those sayings that inspire you and write them out so that they become that much more real in your own handwriting, etching them in your mind.
Most of all, Nadia, remember that there is no one like you, no one who can do what you were created to do, and there is no one you ever need to prove your worthiness to of all that is wonderful and beautiful and loving in the world. You deserve nothing less than all that love and life have to offer you, my beautiful friend, and the irony is that it's only when we eventually come to believe this that we finally find that's exactly what we end up with!
Much love to you!
Love,
Jane
What about you? Do you have any additional ideas on how we can all give ourselves the gift of loving ourselves? Share them with us in the comments.
Recent Comments