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You are here: Home / Archives for Dating

Dating

The posts in the dating category relate to the early stages of a relationship, before the two of you are exclusive. The dating category includes topics such as where to find men, how do I find Mr. Right?, first dates, should you call him, etc.

How Calling or Texting Him Only Changes One Thing

142 Comments

A woman is wondering if she should call or text him.
Calling or texting him won't change him, but it will change you!

It's the 21st century. A most confusing time when it comes to the age-old question of "Can I call him or do I have to wait for him to call me?"

And I know you've been overwhelmed with so many different answers to that one question. Everyone seems to have a different answer for you, with different reasons to back them up and different way of letting you know. But behind all this confusion, lies a simple basic truth that has always been the same, that will never change regardless of what our culture chooses to do.

If you call him or text him when you haven't heard from him, it won't change the way he feels about you, it won't change whether or not he was going to call you anyway.

But it will change you.

Because there's something we do with ambiguous situations like this. We go to our #1 go-to place - that place known as "overthinking".

The one where we question whether we shouldn't have said something. Or if we should have said something else instead of what we did say. Where we get hung up on  what he thought, or what his response (or non-response) meant.

Where we blame ourselves completely for what we should have known. Or for even calling or texting him at all.

This is what changes us! Continue Reading

How Do I Say No When I Can't Stop Thinking About Him?

45 Comments

A beautiful woman is trying to break free of a guy that she can never seem to say no to.
How do I say no to him?

Our gorgeous friend, who has called herself "Mayan Goddess", is wondering how to break free of a guy that she can never seem to say no to.

Here's her story:

He says it's complicated with his on-and-off-again girlfriend... He said, I don't want to break your heart.

How do I know when to say, "no" when all I think about is being with him?

My story short version:  It was three years ago when I first laid eyes on him.  He started working where I was filling in for a coworker for a month. It was weird. We couldn't keep our eyes off each other. I would catch him staring at me.

When we looked at each other it was like we were gazing at the stars (at least from everyone else's opinion.) I was married at the time. He had a girlfriend.  Although, we chatted every now and then, we were respectful to one another.

It took three weeks before I mentioned I was married and before he mentioned his "girlfriend."

We were in the elevator alone one time and I just was so nervous, I was red and felt like I couldn't breathe. He, too, was red staring at me and having small talk. It was only 20 seconds or so but felt like it was an eternity.....

I filled in every now and then for my coworker for three more months.... He finally was transferred (or moving up the ladder) and went on to his next assignment.  We never did anything nor ever said anything for that matter, but we just knew.

That was the last time I seen him. 2012/February... I had said to myself, "Wow, Lord. How lucky is his girlfriend? What I would give to experience being with such a highly-respected/kind/thoughtful guy??? She's super lucky!"

In those two-and-a-half years,I thought about him often. Wondered if we would cross paths again. I knew sooner or later we would. It was inevitable because of where we worked.  (Legal system.)

I had been in a abusive marriage for a very long time. My marriage finally ended.Continue Reading

Seeing Rejection for What it Really Is (and What it Isn't)

36 Comments

A golden egg amidst white eggs  symbolizing that differences does not equate to rejection.
It's not rejection - it's just two different pages.

I was just five years old when I had my first hard lesson in rejection.

I was about to lose my first tooth and I was so excited to share this experience with my best friend Sarah, so I called her house to tell her.

She was excited too.

Then a few minutes later, as it became even more loose and felt like it might fall out, I called her again to tell her about this very important (at least to two five year olds) update. She once again shared in my excitement.

Then, a few minutes later, it fell out. And so I called her again to tell her this big news.

But this time when her mother answered she was not nearly as excited as her daughter and I were. In fact, before I could get a word in, she told me to stop calling. To say that I was devastated is putting it mildly. My little 5 year old world was absolutely shattered beyond recognition.

Why do I remember this story like it was yesterday?

Why do I now, as I recount the story, still feel like that little 5 year old girl standing on a chair to reach the wall-mounted phone, so excited to share her life event with her best friend, only to be utterly devastated by such an unexpected response?Continue Reading

The Confidence We Were Never Given

19 Comments

A beautiful young woman is figure skating, building her confidence and enjoying her passion.
It's time to let your light shine!

I've recently taken up ice skating again.

You may remember this post where I mention my aspirations to become a professional figure skater as a young girl. I rediscovered my love of ice skating in my late twenties during my own personal quest to find my passions and create the life I always wanted – and rediscovered the little girl with such big dreams in the process.

As happens with life sometimes, the ice skates went into a box and got put in the back of the closet along with a lot of other things while more pressing priorities (like raising small children) took over the forefront of my life.

But now, I'm happy to say, they're once again seeing not only the light of day, but the beautiful cold smoothness of the ice once again. This time around I'm skating with my kids, and it's an amazingly enjoyable activity for me to do with them.

Whenever the music's playing over the sound system, the disco lights are flashing and I'm gliding over the freshly cleaned ice, I get that feeling like the world's my oyster once again.

Like anything is possible.

And that feeling is the exact reason why I’m always encouraging you to find a form of creative expression that speaks to you. Something you love and can feel passionate about. When you discover this for yourself, you’ll know exactly why!

But that's not what this post is about.

Continue Reading

Will He Ever Want a Committed Relationship With Me?

58 Comments

Friend Zone word cloud.
How can I get out of the Friend Zone?

One of our beautiful readers, who has called herself "Sleepless in Seattle", is wondering if the guy she's interested in will ever want a committed relationship with her, or if he just wants to be friends.

Here's her email:

Dear Jane,

I need help with this guy.

We met each other about three months ago in a play that we were both a part of, and I liked him immediately. After a couple months of being just casual acquaintances, we began messaging over Facebook.  After we began messaging, we messaged practically every night for hours for about two weeks.

He even said twice in a joking way, "Why don't we just get married already?"

Then, we hung out together with a mutual friend at the movies. Then we finally hung out alone and I felt serious chemistry between us. He was always hugging me, staring at me, touching my hands, smiling.

Then, I told him that I had feelings for him.Continue Reading

Does It Matter Who Does the Calling?

75 Comments

A beautiful woman is on the phone calling a guy that she's been dating that hasn't called her.Our dear friend, who calls herself "Agonizing in Ohio", is asking the questions just about all of us have asked ourselves at one time or another (some of us many, many times): Why hasn't he called, and should I call him?

Here's her story:

Hello,

I'm 53, have been married once, and single for 21 yrs. I'm a entrepreneur for the last 25 yrs, I am most  attracted to entrepreneurs.

I know what I want, and would like to find love, and someone to spend my days and nights with, but more than that, someone to build a future with.

On Sept 1, I started talking to a man, he's a entrepreneur, handsome, my age, our kids are grown, he's been divorced for three yrs, and when we met he said he was tired of being the third wheel. We live 90 miles from each other, but that doesn't really matter - I'm in his area all the time with my work.

We talked or texted or emailed almost everyday for the last two months. We've had two dates that were amazing - at dinner we would look into each others eyes, and giggle like two kids in love. He seemed very sincere, polite, always called when he said he would.

He told me he loved my laugh, and after the date, I was the best part of his weekend - even said maybe next spring I could go to France with him. We were building on our conversation, on how we were alike, and how he understood me.

He was in France for a week and emailed and sent pictures everyday, said he couldn't wait to see me when he got back....Continue Reading

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About Jane Garapick

Hi, I'm Jane Garapick. I'm here to provide inspiration, support and empowerment on the journey to true love. I know what it’s like to have a broken heart, a broken dream, and a broken you. And I know for a fact, that your dreams can still come true! Read more...
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