It's the 21st century. A most confusing time when it comes to the age-old question of "Can I call him or do I have to wait for him to call me?"
And I know you've been overwhelmed with so many different answers to that one question. Everyone seems to have a different answer for you, with different reasons to back them up and different way of letting you know. But behind all this confusion, lies a simple basic truth that has always been the same, that will never change regardless of what our culture chooses to do.
If you call him or text him when you haven't heard from him, it won't change the way he feels about you, it won't change whether or not he was going to call you anyway.
But it will change you.
Because there's something we do with ambiguous situations like this. We go to our #1 go-to place - that place known as "overthinking".
The one where we question whether we shouldn't have said something. Or if we should have said something else instead of what we did say. Where we get hung up on what he thought, or what his response (or non-response) meant.
Where we blame ourselves completely for what we should have known. Or for even calling or texting him at all.
This is what changes us!
It tears down what little self-confidence we have, and rips through our fragile self-esteem.
And right there is where we find the bigger question to all of this, can you handle that?
Can you handle waiting now for the part where he calls or texts you back? Can you handle not knowing whether he seemed so happy to hear from you because he genuinely was, or because it simply takes much less effort for him to respond to you than to initiate his own call to you?
Sometimes your answer will be yes, and sometimes it will be no. Because, more than anyone else, you're the one who knows what you need.
It may be "yes" when you can't or won't focus on anything else but him, when he's in your mind, your thoughts, your very being, and there's nothing you can do to shake him. In that case, is worrying about what he may think of you by calling him really much worse than what you're already putting yourself through?
Is it worth where you've found yourself, in this place where you're not really living, not wanting to believe what would have saved you so many tears, so much living in a type of fantasy, holding on so tightly to those last words of his that so clearly meant nothing to him in the end?
So to call, to go back there, to drive by the place where he lived or worked, yes, they may admit to the world and ourselves just how obsessively we can love someone and not be ready to move on, but to see him with someone else, to see the reality that he is, in fact, happy – so very happy without us in his life – and that he's not missing you at all, but was out enjoying his freedom getting on with his own life, that kind of clarity has the power to save us from putting ourselves through this facade any longer.
It's that reality check that shows you so much quicker the way away from him and back to the place where you belong, with yourself, with your own life, with a new fresh start.
Don't do it for anyone else, do it for you.
You know what you need to do. If you shut out the noise of all the advice, however well-meaning it is, and just listen to your own heart and soul. You know what it means. That silence from him. We can't stand it, but it's oh so necessary for you to hear it.
Silence means he's busy. Too busy for you.
Silence means he's confused – and doesn't want to lead you on until he's not.
Silence means he's not looking for the same thing you are, or on the same page as you.
You might not know for sure, but I know there is one thing you can know for sure.
If he's ready for something more than the silence, you will absolutely be the first to know.
Do you want to wait? Then wait.
Do you hate waiting? Then don't wait.
Do you need to know? Then do what you need to get your information so you can be true to yourself and know.
It doesn't matter what he thinks. It matters what you think. And how you live. And what your quality of life is. And how happy you are. And how depressed you're not.
Another thing I learned?
There's so many other things that matter in life besides whether or not someone who's not even on the same page as me cares enough about me to want to communicate with me.
Like whether I'm happy. Like whether I'm moving in the direction of my dreams. Like whether I'm taking care of myself physically, emotionally, and mentally. Like whether I'm doing the things I've always wanted to do. Like whether I'm living within my means. Like whether I'm going out and doing the things that add to my self-confidence instead of breaking me down. Like choosing what I want for a change, instead of taking care of everyone else and their feelings and needs and not feeling guilty about it.
Those kinds of things.
Because regardless of what you decide you're going to do about calling or not calling him, or texting or not texting him, he's going to do what he's going to do anyway. He's going to think what he chooses to think anyway.
This is so not complicated for him. Don't let it be for you!
What do you think about the whole calling/texting him question? Tell us in the comments!