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I Thought I Wasn't Good Enough for Him

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A beautiful woman looks in a mirror wanting it to be the way it was.
He made me cry.

Our letter this week comes from one of our beautiful readers from around the world, Ilyana. She's confused about her ex and her current boyfriend who used to be her ex and what to do with both of them. See if you can guess what my advice to her is going to be!

Hi Jane,

Sorry my English is not so good. But so, I wanted to ask you something.

I'm in a relationship and with this guy I'm in a relationship with, I had a break up 4 months ago up because I thought I felt in love with another guy who is my colleague and we work together but I broke up with him too because he was so jealous and he made me cry.

He wanted to know my past how many boyfriends I had and I thought I was not good enough for him. Then I decided to leave him but he kept calling me and he texts me and now I feel so confused because I'm back with my ex.Continue Reading

You're Looking for the Wrong Thing

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A beautiful woman is feeling lonely and sad, feeling as though nothing will ever change.
We're going about it all the wrong way.

Something hit me the other day.

I've been thinking about this for awhile now, wondering about what makes the difference between those who have so much to offer and go on to find someone with ease, and those of us who struggle so hard to find what we're looking for, or even anything close.

I've tried to break this down for you in a way that you can clearly see what's happening, so that you can easily see this pattern, and put it into words so you can finally do something about it.

I've got those words for you now.

And what it comes down to is that most of us who are struggling so hard with meeting the right guy or the right people or the right job or the right whatever, are all struggling with the same thing.

We're on the wrong search.Continue Reading

It's a Red Flag Every. Single. Time.

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Woman and man sitting on a curb breaking up, man with his head in his hands
Because you need to know.

When he says "Let's see where it goes", the reality is it's a red flag every single time. Even though YOU think it’s reasonable because, well, "I don't even know!"

Here's the truth.

It’s not reasonable. It’s not.

It’s not an opening to what could be the most amazing relationship of your life – the one with Mr. Right.

And yes, that’s even if you don’t even know if this is the guy you want or the relationship you want until YOU “see where it goes.”

Here’s why.

You know why you’re here. You know what you’re looking for.

You're looking for a relationship – a real one – even if you’re not either going to be committing to someone who isn’t ultimately compatible with you.Continue Reading

Are you distracting yourself with THIS?

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Closeup of a beautiful woman is looking sad becasue her boyfriend has disappeared on her and she wants closure.
You have to stop doing this to yourself.

If you've noticed there's a theme to my messages, my stories, and just about everything else I share with you, you're absolutely right.

It's the theme that says "There's nothing wrong with you; it's the wrong people in your life that's the problem!"

And while many of you push back on that because you've been so ingrained in taking personal responsibility for yourself and your actions to the point where you're the only one who's required to do that and everyone else gets off with an excuse, it's precisely by recognizing this theme as being true for you that you'll be able to take proper responsibility for yourself without the distraction of picking yourself apart like you've gotten so used to doing in the search for your answers!Continue Reading

Will he ever come around?

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Close up of womans hand using mobile phone on a bokeh background, symbolizing that her boyfriend doesn't text her.
He messaged me out of the blue.

There’s a gorgeous woman I’ve been working with for awhile now, helping her get over a guy who keeps going silent, then coming back.

In and out.

When he’s in, it’s amazing. Then right after that, it’s too much and he’s out and then, well, not so amazing at all.

Those of you who’ve been here know exactly what that feels like. And how much we stretch for more of that amazing to come back around again.

She’s no different than you. I’ve been telling her the truth about him for awhile now. She gets it.

She’s getting there. Because the person we’re fighting the hardest with over whether to let go completely isn’t him or anyone else; it’s ourselves.

She got her confirmation yesterday. It came directly from him. So for all of you out there who can relate, she wanted to share this with you so that you can be reminded, too, that everything you know deep down in your heart of hearts - everything I keep telling you - it’s true.Continue Reading

The first question you need to ask yourself about your guy who won’t commit

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A woman is upset after her boyfriend became emotionally distant and pulled away.
It may be the most important question you ever ask yourself.

I met her on our first coaching session. She desperately wanted to know what she needed to do to keep things moving forward with her guy. She had already decided he was the one for her.

Everything lined up.

He was tall, attractive, smart, funny and successful. He was the perfect complement to her own successful career. He completed the picture for her.

She came to me wanting to make sure she didn’t mess up. This was her guy and she was ready for him to commit to her.Continue Reading

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