Don't tell me it can't happen for you.
She had every reason it shouldn't have happened for her, but it did.
Don't tell me it's not the same for you.
I've seen this too often. No, she didn't just get lucky. Sure, the right place and time happened. But you know why it happened?
Because she finally dumped the guy who wasn't the right one for her who she was settling for once more because she didn't want to admit she'd failed again.
Because she stopped pretending it was working when it wasn't, and she finally got up the nerve to do what she knew in her heart she had to do and started creating a life for herself doing what she actually WANTED to do instead of following what she was SUPPOSED to do.
And yes she had a horrible childhood and was divorced twice and had kids of her own and all kinds of other baggage.
But you know what? So did he. So do we all!
So when you say she just got lucky - the way you see it, so sure, let's go with that - you know when that happened?
Only when she was already on her path.
Only when she was already creating a life for herself that finally reflected who she actually was, and what she was actually passionate about, while holding down a job that only paid the bills instead of fueling her dreams.
That's when it happened.
She put herself in the right places at the right times. She did that. This woman who had never believed in herself before.
Because when life throws everything at you and you keep finding yourself living one step away from throwing in the towel and giving up, one day it becomes a little easier to do something different and risky.
Especially when you find yourself in a place where everything else has gotten so bad you really don't have anything to lose.
So go ahead. Tell me your story. Tell me why it can't happen for you.
I've seen it all, Beautiful.
I've heard way worse than anything you can tell me. And from these impossible stories I've still seen the most beautiful rest of the story emerge.
Don't sell yourself short. Don't let another day go by telling yourself it can't and won't happen for you just because you've been repeating the same sad story for so long that you don't even know how to separate that story from you.
Others might have stopped believing in you before - you might have been too much for them - but I'll NEVER believe this is the best you get and you've somehow been precluded from everything else that's always still been in store for you.
That's the biggest lie we've ever bought into and anyone who would have you believing this isn't someone worth listening to!
Any questions?
Love,
Jane
Hearing me on this one? Good. Because now I want to hear from you. You've got that story that says it can't happen for you or tells you it only happens for someone else. I want to hear all about it in the comments below!
I'm 46 - prime divorcee age - and have been divorced twice, from two men who had anger issues. At least one of the two is a covert narcissist.
I'm told I'm "very attractive" and I have no problem getting dates... but they ALWAYS bail after a month or two. I actually dated two guys last year who were afraid to kiss me. Everyone else wants the same thing but not to get to know me, despite what they say.
I make good money and own two houses and this also seems to be an issue. Most guys live in an apartment. They all have "crazy" exes. Mine is actually crazy! And I have a teenager who has special needs. Please tell me how, in a state with 34 million people including hundreds of thousands of beautiful women who don't have the baggage I do, I can break this cycle!
By forgetting about any statistics you've read and remembering that it only takes one guy to change all this, She. Don't look at anyone else or compare yourself to them. You're not them, you're you! Screen for anger; find out what you're angry about and work first on getting that into a positive force that works for you so you don't attract any more angry, selfish men. You're not looking for the guys you just find you "very attractive"; yes, there needs to be that for both of you, but more than anything else, you're looking for your best friend.
This blog post should win an award!
Aww, thanks Julie!
He left me after 40 years of marriage for his Asian massage therapist. I am 68. No men my age want someone my age.
I totally get how you feel Cathy. THAT SAID, two cases instantly spring to mind: One woman was about 70-72 when she became single again, within 2 years she was married again and they both were so happy! Another woman was about 73 when she became single again, she was surprised when not one but two men (that I heard about, so perhaps there were more) became interested in her at two different times. One she dated a bit before sending a “dear john” letter and the other she discouraged in person. She’d decided she didn’t want to date or remarry. But … both woman were surprised to discover they actually had the option to remarry. These are true stories, I knew these women well.
And for anyone who is 50 out there, a good’s friend mom went through a terrible divorce the year after she turned 50 (due to him having an affair). She was left with multiple children and low self-confidence. Within 5 years she was remarried to a wonderful man who is THE LOVE OF HER LIFE! Fast forward 20+ years later and they are STILL INCREDIBLY HAPPY and HAVING A WONDERFUL TIME! She became my inspiration as I went through my 20’s and 30’s without meeting anyone.
And for those in their 30/s/early 40’s, I didn’t even meet my husband until I was 41. I’d never been married before and was so conscious of that saying that it is easier for a divorcee or widow to remarry than to marry for the first time after age 40. Add to the fact that I was the one who took care of all my family’s issues and also, as an introvert, spent most of my time home alone, it seemed unlikely I’d meet anyone. Jane’s website and the community here helped me more than I can say! Just because it feels like there is no one out there or they all are taken or no one will want us or perhaps we are one of those destined to be alone (and deep down inside we just know that is what will happen), doesn’t mean at all that it is true.
What if not all men are him, Cathy? What if there's some guy your age thinking the same thing about himself? What would you tell him? All it takes is one!