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You are here: Home / 2019 / Archives for September 2019

Archives for September 2019

An Open Letter to The Women Who Posted "Can't I Even Unpack One box?"

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Beautiful woman sitting on floor surrounded by moving boxes face in her hands crying.
"Can't I even unpack one box?"

To the woman who posted that she thought she was a failure because her therapist is frustrated she can't do the "seemingly innocuous thing that most people have no trouble doing, but that represents lots of trauma to her."

It involved unpacking boxes, she said. "Can't I even unpack one box?"

Girl, there’s nothing wrong with you!

I work with women just like this all the time who were “bad” at therapy, who didn’t get anywhere in their counseling, who have nothing to show for all their years of working on themselves!

There’s nothing wrong with you, there's nothing wrong with your counselor, it’s just we all learn and grow and have our shifts in different ways.

Just like so many of us concluded that we were “bad” at math.

It’s not that there’s some inherent math deficiency in us; it’s that we now know that we don’t all learn the same way! They didn't know that back then, when it was an old, intimidating male teacher repeating the same lesson at our desks that he’d just said up at the board - but this time ending with the ominous question, "You can see that now, right?"

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My Ex Has Moved On With Someone Else but He Says He Still Loves Me

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A beautiful woman leans against a tree wondering if he will ever want a committed relationship with her.
I still love him and he says he still loves me - I don't get it!

Our letter this week is a short one. In fact, it's a sentence. But in that one sentence, our beautiful reader Amy asks a question that's so relevant because of what it unearths. Read on to find out why ...

Her Question:

Why is it an ex that I still hold dear to my heart and love more than the sun, and to the moon and back, will message my friend that he still loves me but won't tell me, and is with someone else and moved with her to our planned future city to live in?

-Amy

My Response:

Why does anyone do what they do?

We have so many emotions that come up when it’s happening to us because when we’re in it, when it’s happening to us, we can’t see it with the objective detached view that we normally hold when it’s about someone else.Continue Reading

The Mindset that Changes Everything

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A beautiful woman is stretching and smiling because of her new love mindset
What a difference a simple mindset change can make!

You know all those things you don't do? All those opportunities you don't take? All those times your fear of saying the wrong thing or coming across as too forward, too desperate or too needy hold you back from saying anything at all?

There's a reason we don't act. There's a reason we don't take our chances. There's a reason our fears around coming across in a less than perfect way keeps us from saying or doing anything at all.

I had a call this week with a woman who needed help figuring out how to find out if a guy she's been on a few dates with is for real, or not.

She discovered he may have some questionable history and yet he's not acting like he's got anything to hide. She's so conflicted about what to say and how to say it, she's not sure if she even wants to go out with him again. But she needs more information before she makes any decision.Continue Reading

He's Everything I've Ever Wanted, but I Don't Feel the Spark

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A beautiful woman is thoughtful, wondering if she needs to feel the spark.
I just don't feel the butterflies that much.

Our letter this week comes from our beautiful reader, Kristina, who's found herself in a relationship with a guy who's checking off all kinds of boxes for her, but not the one's she's used to.

She's wondering where to go from here and I'm hoping my advice, along with your experience or thoughts on this ever-returning subject of "the Spark" will give her the clarity she's looking for.

Here's her story:

Dear Jane,

I have never done anything like this. I really hope to receive a response, or to at least receive some notification if you make a blog post. Regardless, if you are reading this, thank you for your time.

I have just read your post about the elusive spark and how you say that it is not something that matters because it goes away anyway. It was so incredibly helpful.

Additionally, reading all the comments and seeing how many women struggle with the same thing, made me feel much better too.Continue Reading

When Do You Know?

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silhouette of feet of couple sitting on the pier at sunset beach, low angle view
After those first few months, here's what I knew.

That was her question.

In our group coaching session over the weekend, one of the women who's experiencing something that seems like real love for the first time in her life asked me about when my husband and I first said the words "I love you", and how I knew I was in love with him.

Here's what I told them ...

I didn't know what I was in with my husband. I only knew how different it felt, how real it felt compared to the fantasy kind of love relationships I was used to, the kind that broke my heart almost as soon as I gave it away.

It was a few months after we'd met for the second time. We were at his friend's wedding in Santa Barbara, California.Continue Reading

Is It Right to Go With Him When He's Breaking My Heart?

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A beautiful woman is sipping coffee while talking with a man over lunch, wondering why she's not getting what she wants in a relationship.
Should I take this trip with him even though he broke up with me?

Our letter this week comes all the way from Greece, from beautiful Gc, who's looking for some advice on whether she should go on a trip that was planned in advance with a guy who's breaking her heart with the knowledge that he just wants to be friends.

Here's her story:

Hi Jane,

So first of all let me introduce myself. I'm 29 years old and I come from a small island of Greece.

Before a year, I was at a friend's wedding here at our beautiful  island. My friend that was getting married was from the USA and had the wedding here because of his mother that she is born here too. So I met this guy that was the best men at the wedding also from the States and he approached me the night of the wedding party.Continue Reading

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About Jane Garapick

Hi, I'm Jane Garapick. I'm here to provide inspiration, support and empowerment on the journey to true love. I know what it’s like to have a broken heart, a broken dream, and a broken you. And I know for a fact, that your dreams can still come true! Read more...
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