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I Never Heard From Him and He's Stuck In My Head

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Beautiful blond woman feeling rejected after guy disappeared.
I keep going over and over it in my mind.

Our letter this week comes from beautiful Renee, who spent a wonderful evening with a man, only to never hear from him again! Sound familiar? It was for me, too.

Here's her story:

Hi Jane,

I'm single and turned 41 on Saturday.  Saturday night I went to the local bar for my b-day and an older, attractive man kept asking me to dance (he was 55.)

We danced all night and had a great time. He drove my friend and I home and I gave him my number - he didn't ask I said do you text and he said yes.  I said here is my number...I didn't have my phone with me at the bar.

Anyway, I feel disappointed because I never heard from him and he is stuck in my head 🙁  That's the worse part of it ... I keep going over and over stuff in my mind.

When I got out of the car Saturday night he said "By the way, you're very beautiful."  He was very respectful.Continue Reading

No, You Shouldn't Be Able to "Just Walk Away"

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A beautiful woman is feeling sad and broken hearted about her relationship.
Because it's not your fault.

No, you're not supposed to know all this without someone teaching it to you.

No, you shouldn't be able to just walk away.

And while we're here, no, there isn't anything wrong with you if you're "still" single.

Even today there's still such a stigma with being single for those of us in our culture who aren't single by choice, who long to be with someone, and never expected our lives to turn out the way they have.

You feel it.

It wears on you.

You hide more than you respond.

Continue Reading

I'm Desperate! My Partner Has Distanced Himself From Me and I Don't Know What to Do

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A beautiful woman with her face in her hands because her self esteem is so low.
I miss how we used to be.

Our letter this week comes from a reader who calls herself "Hopelessly in Love" (I'll call her "Hil".)

Sound familiar? I know most of us can relate to that feeling at some point or another and it's usually right up until we learn how to recognize the difference between something "hopeless" and something real.

Here's her story.

Hi Jane,

I need help. I'm desperate!

I met my partner online, we hit it off and exchanged phone numbers, we texted every waking day/night for hours and hours, even facetimed every day/night.

Recently I've noticed that my partner has changed completely, almost like a 360 turn around.Continue Reading

When Loving Him Becomes an Addiction

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A woman rubs her head because she's confused wondering if he's into her or not.
It's going to be so difficult for you to say no to him.

I had something to say this week to a woman who keeps letting someone back in who is verbally and emotionally abusive and I realize some of you may need this, too.

Of all the things we deal with, of all the men we chase and the ways we love and the ways we try to let go, there is nothing as damaging to our self-esteem, the very core of our being, than being with someone whose words and actions keep us staying small, forgetting our worth, putting all our hopes of ever feeling loved on the very ones who ironically are the very ones so incapable of showing us love, of giving us that love.

Being with someone like this feels so incredible at times. The highest of highs, followed at some point by the lowest of lows because it can't be sustainable when someone isn't capable of loving like this.

If this is where you are, if this is what you're going through, I offer you the solace of knowing you're not alone, that someone has your back, someone still sees you in the midst of this. One day soon, when you're free, you'll see this so much more clearly.Continue Reading

Did I Push It Too Far Playing Hard to Get?

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Beautiful woman sitting down checking her text messages using mobile phone.
Did I play too hard to get? I'm afraid I'll never hear from him again!

Ever wondered if you can play too hard to get - and actually lose an opportunity to get someone at all?  Well, that's Jessica's question on the blog this week.

Here's her story:

Hi Jane,

I am so confused by this guy right now.

I would like to say he is not interested but I feel like that isn't 100 percent the case.

This guy is a player and I knew this, we met at a friends BBQ and he was pursuing me for weeks asking to see me (not to take me out but inviting me over to his house).  He was messaging me every day and asking me questions like 'how is your day going' etc. so I felt like he wasn't just after one thing.

Anyway I went to his house and we watched a few movies, we got on so well and could not stop laughing. I knew he was into me. He tried to have sex with me but I said no as I do not sleep around.Continue Reading

The Other Influence

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legs mother and daughter little girl fashionista in pink shoes on high heels
Indeed, on the surface, it seems like the culturally ascribed perfect mother-daughter relationship.

Years ago, I began my blog writing about the link between the emotionally unavailable men we choose and our own emotionally unavailable fathers.

And while so many of you found your answers in exactly that connection, there was another group of women finding their way here as well.

For them, this wasn't at all about their fathers. It was about their .... mothers.

The first one I chalked up to an anomaly. A few more and I still thought it was rare. But the more women I worked with, the more I realized there was something here I had to explore further. Book after book and article after article, combined with in-person interviews confirmed for me what my real-life experience had suggested.

It wasn’t just our emotionally unavailable dads who had created this pattern of attraction as normal in our lives; for many of us, it was our mothers.Continue Reading

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