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Archives for January 2019

Does He Just Want a Friend With Benefits?

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Friends with benefits written on a stop sign.
After 3 years we suddenly became FWB!

Our beautiful friend Julie is going through an age old problem so many of us have encountered before; the guy who wants all the "benefits" but doesn't want the relationship!

Here's her email:

Hi there, I am not a younger lady, I'm a mature 56 year old and never needed an answer to a personal matter before!

I have been friends with a man for 3 years now and nothing but friends, going for drinks and a meal, to a meal at his. No hugs or a peck goodbye until about 2 months ago we became friends with benefits!

We have always texted mostly daily throughout the 3 years, mostly him first.

I started to have feelings 18 months ago but never told him. Since the friends with benefits started, my feelings have become stronger and I couldn't hide it from him! He likes me very much and we really get on but he doesn't want anything more, like a relationship!

I have backed off and he's still trying me, asking what I'm doing or what have I done and have a nice day but I haven’t replied!Continue Reading

Why Didn't He Ask for a Second Date When It Seemed to Go So Well?

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A beautiful woman is sipping coffee while talking with a man over lunch, wondering why she's not getting what she wants in a relationship.
It seemed like it went really well - I don't get it!

One of my group coaching clients inspired this post (thank you - you know who you are!)

I mean, really, who of us hasn’t been on a great first date with a guy giving all the good vibes, thinking there are going to be so many more down the road, only to be left with that awkwardness when he doesn’t say anything at the end of the date?

All too familiar, right?

So let’s break that down. Why DOESN’T he make sure he’s on your calendar again before he says goodbye? Is it because he’s not interested? Did he not have as good a time as he seemed to? What’s really going on behind the scenes?

First of all, we’ve got a culture that has a whole lot of unwritten rules that influence our men in general, especially when it comes to planning next dates.Continue Reading

The Illogical Logic Behind Why We HAVE to Get Him to Commit

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Word commitment written on a compass
Yes, I've struggled with this too.

I don’t want to just give you more of what hasn’t and still isn’t working for you.

I want this to be what finally breaks through to you in a way that I once needed something to break through for me.

Because even though I got out of it (like you will), it wasn't the way I wanted it to go at all. I would go on to repeat the same pattern over and over again for years.

Why?

Because just like you, I was looking for someone to commit to me, but  I was going about it all the wrong way.

Listening subconsciously to all those cultural messages that I couldn’t have seen at the time because I was too immersed in it, I didn't choose the ones who were actually ready for a commitment and actively looking for one; I picked the guy who wasn’t ready or at his very best, was confused about exactly what it was he wanted! The guy who I would have to make WANT to commit to me.

And then I put it all on myself to somehow defy his entire history to be the first woman in the world to finally make that happen. Sound familiar?Continue Reading

The One Quality He Totally ADORES (Hint: You Already Have It)

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A happy couple in love embrace outside.
This is what he really want you to be.

Remember that feeling you get when you’ve just read something so inspirational, when you’ve just had a great coaching session, when you’ve just had that epiphany of sorts and you’re so clear about who you are, what you have to offer and what you bring?

NOTHING can dull that shine you’re feeling.

Or at least, nothing until you step out into the world and see you’re not the only one who’s got that shine, it’s everywhere.

There is nothing quite like the comparing yourself to others to dull your own shine.

It’s deflating.

Suddenly, all those feelings you had seemed like hype.

You’re back to questioning, doubting, buying into someone else’s programming that all the good ones are taken – or at least the ones who are capable of a commitment.Continue Reading

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