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My Husband’s Long-Single, Classically Emotionally Unavailable Friend is Now Engaged!

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Picture of man putting wedding ring on woman hand signaling engagement.
What was it that finally made him commit?

“Ok,” I said, when we were finally alone. I had been waiting all afternoon for just the right time to ask him this question ever since I had heard the news.

“What is it about her? Why is she the one who won your heart?”

He was the one I was always curious about. He was the quintessential “emotionally unavailable man”.

He had it all. Good-looking, successful, all-around guys guy; he epitomized the strong, silent type so many of us have long tried to change.

He had a string of long term relationships in his history with women who had all been relationship material, vying to be the one who would finally win him over.

But no one ever did.Continue Reading

Acceptance – His and Yours

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acceptance word - isolated text in letterpress wood type
Don't be afraid of the truth.

"You know," he said, "the more accepting I am of my own imperfections, the more I can accept yours."

I’ll never forget the night he spoke these words to me. What he was saying was crystal clear to me.

And it was huge coming from him.

But it was what I had suspected for some time. It confirmed what I have long come to know.Continue Reading

Why Do I Still Feel Like I Love Him?

17 Comments

A beautiful woman sits on a park bench wondering why she loves him.
I feel like I'm just punishing myself when I contact him.

Beautiful Kim writes to tell us about an emotionally unavailable man that she's fallen for.

Here's her email:

Dear Jane,

I have read your articles and wondered whether you might be able to help me.

I am a 54 year old woman. I married young and stayed married for 22 years. My husband was very controlling and so we did not have friends.

Eventually one of my sons told me to get away from him and I found the courage to leave.

I have a good job (clinical nurse manager.) I have nice girlfriends who care and support me and I live alone in a little cottage with my little dog.

For 7 years I had not felt I wanted to be with any man. Then 4 years ago I met  someone, a doctor from Poland who works 2 weeks on and has 1 or 2 weeks off when he goes home to Poland. He is 39 years old.Continue Reading

I Am Strong, But Not So Strong

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A beautiful woman looks out a window wondering why she is not strong.
I feel so weak because I can't let go.

One of our gorgeous readers, Sunshine, is feeling as though she's weak because she just can't seem to let go.

Here's her story:

Dear Jane,

I have been reading your blog for over two years and the moment I was feeling very strong something happened to me.

I met him in a dance class. I am 36 and he is 27.

He found me next day on fb and messaged me saying how much he liked dancing with me. We started chatting and then he asked me out.

We went to five dates without any sex and he started to act like a boyfriend soon, picking me from home, texting constantly about me and my day. Finally we had sex and quickly became a couple.Continue Reading

Should I Choose Commitment Over Chemistry?

22 Comments

A beautiful woman looks at her phone feeling confused over whether she should choose commitment or chemistry.
I'm so confused! I don't know what to do...

Beautiful Melanie is feeling "dazed and confused" (her words) over whether she should choose commitment or chemistry.

Here's what she wrote:

Hi Jane,

I have been following your program for several months now and read many of your stories. I have followed your advice about an ex-boyfriend (who moved and is now long distance.)

We tried to make things work for the last year as long distance, but he had an issue with being alone and also is going through a divorce for 3 years that is still not final. He has been unable to commit to anything at this point.

We were together for a year, then he had to move for work a year ago. He lives 3 hours away.Continue Reading

Breaking the Cycle

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Break the cycle words on rings in an endless patter to illustrate changing our programming about love.
It's time to change our subconscious programming.

There's a girl down the street who reminds me of someone I used to know. She’s barely a teenager and she’s already got the look.

The one that says "Pick me, pick me, please somebody pick me.  Make me feel of worth.  Make me feel like I’m something."

Make me feel like I matter.

Like I’m attractive. Beautiful. Worthy.

Make me feel like since you picked me I must be worth something. At least to somebody.

She's not the only one. She gets lost in the crowd there's so many of them.

She doesn’t know why she does what she does. She just knows it's what she's supposed to do. She puts herself out there like a showcase to be picked. Competing with all the others just like her, hoping it's her turn this time.Continue Reading

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