You’ve done the work. You’ve put in the time.
You get that you’re the one doing the choosing.
But now you’re stuck.
Where do you meet him? How does he find you? Where’s the pool of men you get to choose from? What are the best places to meet men?
These are the questions I hear so often.
Where is he?
While online dating is great, and becoming a more and more common and acceptable way of meeting a romantic partner, many of you have told me that you still would rather meet someone the old fashioned way.
So with that in mind, here are a few ideas of the best places to meet men that will help you to get you out of any rut you may be stuck in, and widen the circle of men that you're meeting.
3 of the Best Places to Meet Men
1. Wherever someone like you goes
What does the real you enjoy doing?
If you’ve taken my BCRY Program, you’ll know what these are. Think of places that reflect what you’re most passionate about, the things you find yourself doing in your free time, the things you would choose to do if money were no object and you could do anything you wanted to.
What does that look like to you? If you’re not sure, start small. Pick just one thing to focus on and see where that takes you.
You see, you meet someone as part of your journey, not at the end as the final destination, but as you go along. When we make the journey about meeting someone rather than the journey of being where we want to be, we find someone different than the one we’re actually looking for. The one that's meant for us.
It’s almost counter-intuitive.
You meet someone in the space you create for him within your own life, not in the space you need him to fill. That’s such an important difference for us to understand before we meet someone.
Otherwise, we put out such strong feelers for someone who we think we need, rather than someone we choose. It may not seem like much of a difference at the time, but down the road, that difference almost always proves itself to be huge!
2. Where someone like the person you want to meet goes
I know this one probably sounds so simple, like common sense, but it's not as simple as you might think at first, so hear me out.
For you to know where this is, you first have to know who you’re looking for.
This is so important!
Because so often we think sports bars, sports events, wine tastings, singles events, religious meetings, etc., but the success of finding someone there is only determined by whether or not this is where someone goes who you actually want to meet!
Men are everywhere; you can find any man if that’s all you’re looking for. But when we’re looking for someone more than just any guy, you need to know where the type of guy you’re actually looking for will be!
Where does someone who shares your values, who has the character you’re looking for go? What is he about? What does the perfect guy for you do?
There are so many layers to that. Start with the basics and go deeper as you understand more of what you’re looking for. Just like the way you do things in your free time based on what you want to do, so does he.
So where is that? What does that look like? The clearer you are, the more likely you find him there.
3. Everywhere you’re invited to!
This is where the all-important spiritual part comes in. Those of you who’ve worked with me know that I met the man who became my husband twice. Both times I met him when I was invited out by friends to places I wasn’t that into going, but I went anyway.
Does this mean you should always go out where you don’t want to go just in case you might meet your own future husband there? That’s an entirely personal decision, and can lead to a lot of discouragement if by the tenth time you’ve done this, you still haven’t met anyone.
This is where having realistic expectations comes in. Weigh the offer. If you’re only going because you're hoping to meet someone, and you’re not even the slightest bit interested in going if it were solely up to you, then let that guide you.
It's always solely up to you whether you want to go somewhere or not.
But be open to the fact that you never know where you’re going to surprise yourself and end up having fun, meeting new people who might have something to offer you, and you never know where this one outing might lead.
If you approach this with a spirit of optimism, instead of the doomed self-fulfilling prophecy of “it never happens for me”, you’ll be surprised at how often something does happen for you!
Will that happen the way you pictured it? Will it be how you’re expecting it to be? Probably not.
But I can tell you that it’s not supposed to happen the way we picture it. I can tell you from my own personal experience and from the experience of so many of the women I’ve had the pleasure of working with that it rarely happens the way they expected it to.
But as those of us who had all but given up hope on it EVER happening for us, I can tell you this, it absolutely does happen. So skip the story that it won’t; and be ready for the part of your story where it catches you off guard because you’re looking back on where you are right now with the update to your story that it did!
What about you? Where have you tried meeting "him"? What do you think are the best places to meet men?
We have to clear out the old to bring in the new! Let’s share, below in the comments, all the places that we’ve tried, successfully or unsuccessfully, to meet men so we can move on to where we’re going to meet him NOW!
Thank you for reminding me to remember what my true passions are is self-love. i did try online dating site never works the worst place to find love every thing crumble
I'm so glad this helped you remember, Olive. Meeting people through things we're passionate about is my favorite recommendation!
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What should someone do if they don't feel worthy of dating because of their inability to get a proper job?
If you dont feel worthy not a good start I think change your mindset, someone to love you doesnt judge if their the right one for you. Set you standards as Jane says your the one doing the choosing!
Exactly, Clear!
Hi Jane,
One thing I know for sure is...my old way of thinking has gotten me nowhere --Fast!
So with all my not so lucky experience, I know it is time for a change. Not to change myself, but to change my way of thinking.
My pattern has always been meeting someone at work. Bad Idea! Very bad for me at least. So now, I venture out, at least my way of thinking, to new ideas of where I may meet someone new. I can tell you so far, I have not been very successful. I know that most of that revolves around the fact that I work way too much and always have --- But, it's the only way I know...since I have supported myself for a long time now. I also have had my heart broken too many times, so I am ---well let's just say...very Careful!
A new year is about to begin. Yay! I feel ready to dive right in. To begin again. To continue on my journey. And I know meeting someone will only be right if...I meet him "on" my journey. I am hoping and praying that happens soon for me. And honestly I am trying to be very optimistic, but I am not 100% sure it will happen. I am not sure it's in the cards for me and if that is what it is, then I am okay with it. I know I won't be completely happy deep down without that chance to give my Love to someone and have it given back to me in that way, but I have come a long way in accepting the way it is for me now. I am not settling...just being realistic. Although, I still have hope that I will meet someone that may just be looking for me.
Hopefully 2017 will be better. I am working on cutting back on my extensive hours at work, and trying a little bit harder to spend quality time with myself to do all those things I am so passionate about. And as you say, then maybe the time will be right for all of it to fall into place in an unexpected way.
Thank you and Happy Holidays!! God Speed. Love, Lora
And the same to you, Lora. Thank you! "On" my journey is such a shift for most of us. Look for and expect what you know in your heart of hearts is true for you, not someone else's truth or some pre-programmed programming, but your own truth. It doesn't matter what anyone else says or thinks or projects onto you about this journey, you know what's yours and you know what you're capable of discovering here. Look for this to be confirmed for you in ways you never could have imagined this coming new year, and then surrender to it. There's something beautiful that happens here!
I believe the place to meet guys would be in the supermarket girls! I would love a responsible man that knows how to cook and knows what he's looking for in his food and in a woman.
Other places would be :the beach, library, coffee shops, maybe even at work 😉
the worst place: bars!=players and bad boys
Goodluck,
Just let it flow ,I don't think the lady has to try so hard, just smile, be yourself and be wise.
Ah, the supermarket. Yes, a great place for someone who knows how to cook!
You can look in their trolley and see how crappy there diet is and they might need you to cook for them aw oh! another codependent relationship haha!
Jane, this is such a wonderful, helpful, and insightful post. We're so lucky to have found our way to you. I'm thankful for the caring, wise advice you provide for all of us, deep feelers.
I can honestly say that even though I know what intrinsic values this man in my head has, I have no specifics! I don't know what he looks like, where he's from, how he dresses, what his dreams are nor what his hobbies are. Besides, I gave up on dating, but I still follow you as my plan to keep learning, just in case I ever meet someone. Now I get why you say the second is tricky. Tricky indeed. I haven't really put too much thought on a list besides how he feels about me and how he treats me and others and what he believes in, his moral compass.
Another difficult thing is that I am a girl who doesn't really put herself in one specific box. I like to try new and different things as long as they're safe. I'm not a party girl, so I never look in bars nor the occasional party I go to. I'm not into sportsbars or the like because yuck. And I've never been interested in doing things I don't feel like doing just to meet a guy. On the other hand, many of the things I would do if money were no factor are girl things. In some there are men, but I have noticed they are mainly of two kinds: gay or player types. So I don't expect to find a suitable partner there.
Boy, do I have more to think about. But thank you. I hadn't thought of the second point which is quite a good one. It's a nice exercise, if only for the sake of continuing to learn. I figure if I become a cat lady, at least I can pass your message on to my dearest friends 🙂
Most of us don't, Angel; it's exactly why I bring it up. It seems so obvious but it's anything but. Love to get you thinking along some new lines! 🙂 And I'm thankful for you!