Some women can do anything and they STILL get their man. They make it look so easy.
“So why can’t I?” You wonder.
The very fact that we’re looking for a list of rules to follow is the reason why.
We think if we just do this and that, or what someone says we should do, we’ll have it.
We’ll get the guy.
But the problem is that following a list of rules only gets us that list of rules. It doesn’t get us the guy!
Why?
Because it has to come from within. Our actions, our behavior that may follow a set of rules naturally, only does this when it comes through as part of us, not a separate part of us.
That’s why the women who seem to do this all so effortlessly can.
And it’s why we can’t.
We don’t know we can. We don’t realize we’re the ones holding all the power. We forget that he needs what we’ve got. We forget that we’re the feminine essence, the female energy that inspires him to be the man he knows he can be.
But when we don’t hold him to a certain standard, when we forget who we are, when we forget our essence, he forgets who he is, too.
He gets lazy. He gets complacent. He knows we’re calling so he doesn’t have to. He knows we’re going to pick up the chase, so why should he?
We’ve made this so very easy for him.
The woman who doesn’t worry about whether she’s waiting the appropriate time before returning his call, the woman who doesn’t text him back so that he eventually calls her instead is a woman who’s getting what she wants.
And no, it’s not selfish or arrogant or whatever else we want to call it because our culture has such a problem with women like this, it’s absolutely necessary!
Be her. And here's the good news: You’re already her!
Realize this and you will get the guy. Not because you “got” the guy. But because you became irresistibly you!
What part of this did you need to hear today? This one was for you, Beautiful. Share it with us in the comments.
It seems if you go overboard pleasing a man for what ever reason, that will make him love you more. If you give, give, give of yourself, your body, your time, etc., that won't make him care any more for you. Seems when I go out with my friends weather female or male, that is when I get a response, with my last relationship. but it's a Jealous kind of response.
To me this just shows insecurity, I use to make his issues mine and that just drove me crazy and I still never knew where I stood with his hot cold behavior. Or I hear many times in relationship "I love you but I'm not in love with you". oouch... happened to me. what does that mean?? Your wonderful I'm taking from you what your giving, till I find someone else I can be in love with?? Really????
I decided I don't need a man in my life, If I meet someone in the future, I would want to choose him in my life not need. I set high standards of what I want in a relationship with a man . Why should I settle, I have self worth and a lot to offer. I know it and am willing to share with the right man who appreciates those qualities.
I read so many articles of what you should do or don't do. Some makes perfect sense, some I question???? I made a list of pros and cons of what I am looking for in a relationship or don't want in one.
If it does not happen for me, I will still be me and happy. Life does not stop because you don't have a man in it.
Find your worth, embrace your beautiful self, go on and enjoy your life, live for today..
Make it your own... Because you are worth it......
Lately I have been working on coming to terms with the reality that some of us just aren't meant to find anyone. Why? Well, because we don't find anyone no matter what we do or don't do.
I have been thinking that the women who found someone just happened to have the luck. Beyond what I do with my life, my own decisions, I cannot control anything else, no even finding someone. I can be fantastic and still be single, still a suitable man may not show up in my life. I don't think it's entirely because there is too much wrong or right with me but because it's just life. My heart hurts a lot right now, but I don't see how having hope and trying anymore helps me.
I think there is so much divorce in the world that everyone is single and looking and we have to be "perfect" to find the man or there is plenty of other single women out there willing to do "what he wants" who will snag him up. We have to remember that these aren't the "perfect" men and there is one out there that is perfect for us.
I am in the same boat as you, but my issue is the fact that I have children and sometimes that hinders my social life and so men aren't as understanding, since most have grown kids or don't have full time custody of their kids.
Don't give up...you may walk around the corner today and bump into the man of your dreams. At least that is what I keep hoping for.
Chin up....
Thank you, Crystal.
I am just having one of those... Months when you just cannot cope gracefully.
You're right about no one being perfect, not even the men we think are perfect. I don't really believe there is competition for men per se. It seems that way, but it's not true. Every person is an entire world and is as complex as the next. Looking at it as if it were a market of commodities is simplifying it all too much. There are many factors that come into play when it comes to a person's decision making process.
I think for me and for many of us, the issue is not exactly having a relationship. If it were just that, we would have one by now. I think many of us are looking for transcendence. We also want to be able to control how our lives turn out but we simply can't. While we have power and autonomy to change ourselves and make decisions, we don't have the power to dictate many things in life and that's why we feel frustrated. One of the things that happens to me a lot is that I think if I haven't found him it's my fault. But I am working on understanding that it's not true. Yes, I am too weird and different, yes, I am paradoxically also too ordinary, yes, I am shortsighted many times, and the list goes on. But I cannot decide over how a man feels about me. Believe me I have tried being this and that and it still doesn't work. That is not my fault. I own up to my mistakes, but I also know that it's not entirely up to me.
About those lucky women who have that wonderful man who loves them and chooses them every day, they just simply had luck. It doesn't mean they are not wonderful. They really are in their own way and they may have done a lot to overcome many hurdles, but you know what? So have /are many wonderful women who are still single! So no. There is no magic formula. It is all luck. We are single because we just are. It's not because you're a single mom, or because I am too below average in looks, or because we are old or young or whatever. It's simply how our lives are at the moment. It is just our reality. All we can do is accept it and keep living. There is nothing else to do.
Oh Angel, I related so much to all you said. I am about to turn 54 and have come to many of the same conclusions. I never found the love of my life and always blamed it on my 'issues'. I felt I was just too damaged for any man to want. I don't think that's true now. I've seen men (my brother being one of them) fall for women who turned out to be bat s**t crazy, moody, difficult, physically and verbally abusive, emasculating, etc.. They break up with these women and then a couple weeks later they take them back. I've seen men stay in relationships where they were bored in almost every way but it's easier to stay than it is to leave. And as you so wisely pointed out - it's all just life. Most (not all, of course) relationships between men and women are difficult. They are not the fairy tales we were told as little girls.. You said it's about transcendence and I believe you couldn't be more spot on. We need to learn to love ourselves unconditionally, not so that some man will be drawn to us when we do, but just because we owe it to ourselves. I am still getting over a profound heartbreak/disappointment and think I went through it so that I could finally really get it that my only choice is to learn to love myself whether I ever have a great love with a man or not. I'm not sure either how much power we have in drawing the right man to us. I think of all the wonderful people throughout time who probably never found the love of their life. Life is not usually gift wrapped neatly and tied up in a beautiful bow for us. It is what it is and our job is to love ourselves and transcend whatever pain or disappointment we are living with.
And in transcending whatever pain or disappointment we are living with, Anne and Angel, we find something more beautiful and real than anything we could have ever found without it. You're onto something big here! It's in giving up the search for what we thought we were looking for that we find exactly what we never knew we needed, at precisely the time we were ready for it, to accept it instead of what we were expecting that was never what we were looking for after all. I know that's deep! I know that's a stretch from what you meant and where you're at right now, but this is the stuff that comes out of these introspective moments, when you're so tired you have nothing left to give, and you can't keep doing it over and over again, when letting go opens up something you couldn't see in its place. Don't lose hope. Just shift into what you need today, right now. Don't let your fears have you believing that the future is going to be more of the same. These shifts, these new ways of seeing open up new realities unlike anything you've ever seen before. Start where you are. One foot in front of the other. Be patient with yourself and with the Universe. I know it's hard to be! But we're not meant to see it all at once. You're seeing just enough to get you to that next step along the way, where you'll see more from there and on and on it goes. Don't give up now! The search, yes, but not the hope in what will be, in what can't not be, no matter what we do to mess it up, no matter what we do that we think makes us too different for it to happen for us, no matter what WE do, LOVE is always doing more than we imagine it could be!
I believe you, Jane! I think I did have to get to that point - the point where I was so in pain and tired of feeling the rejection I had always felt. I'm at the end of my emotional and spiritual rope and know I have to let go of that rope. I know I'm more than all the sad rejection stories and failed attempts at love, especially the last one that I thought might do me in. Now my task is to finally get to know who I really am underneath all the stuff I've brought with me from childhood into this moment - underneath all those needs that didn't get met back then. And, you are right, Jane, it is day by day, step by step. It's being aware of my thoughts and habits and be willing to change them even for five minutes a day. It's finding the determination to uncover the real me and go wherever that leads me, whether it's to a life with a man or not.
Thank you, Jane, for your words. You are right, I have nothing left to give right now. I can't keep doing the searching and hoping thing. I am so tired of thinking and trying and strategizing, and fixing, and changing this and that... The whole "working on myself" thing is just... I can't. I feel like whenever I find something to work on within myself, I end up rejecting the person I already am. I have grown a lot and I know there's always something to learn, but sometimes I think it's torturing myself, the trying to be perfect idea comes through the back door this way too. There is no end. I am off the dating app. Not that I have used it a whole lot, but I have already started to see the same faces over and over again. Dead end. I might as well focus on school and work as usual. It seems so bleak out there.
I hope I can find that transcendence alone.
I so understand what you are going through...
I am so tired of disappointments, trying to understand why it seems to work for everyone else and not for me..
Big hug!
Big hug to you, too, Anna. We will be alright with or without a partner.
I have come to a point in my life where I'm choosing to spend time with my kids. One day they will b all grown up and I don't want them to have memories of their mom leaving them to go out. And honestly the man I had been dating was not worth it at all. I have wasted my time with him. If my destiny is to b alone then I'm fine with it. I have given up on men.