What if you just need someone to believe in you?
All those plans, all those dreams.
They told you to find something you could actually do. They gave you all kinds of suggestions that sent the clear message they somehow knew you better than you.
They smiled to themselves, or even laughed.
But more than anything else, what they did was make you feel like there was something the matter with you.
Something wrong, something "off".
Why did you move in those directions? Why did you lean towards those things?
It’s no wonder their voice is the first one you hear when you think about doing something for yourself, when you go back to those dreams, those plans, those castles in the clouds that you’ve learned no one will ever understand like you do.
But what if someone did? What if the only thing missing is someone to believe in you?
What if the reason you’re struggling so hard to find someone is because you’re looking for someone to complete you, without even realizing that’s what you’re doing?
Could it be you just want someone to believe in you? To remind you of who you are, and what you can do? To be the wind beneath your wings?
What if you could meet that need, find someone to believe in you, so that he could be who he’s always been...a mere human.
When we put him up so high on a pedestal with all the expectations we have of him, it's no wonder he simply can’t measure up. He feels pressured, scared, and doesn’t know what to do with this amazing woman in front of him who forgets her own power in the presence of him and defers to him instead of to her own inner wisdom.
To him it just feels like unbearable pressure.
And what if that person you were looking for to believe in you was the same one looking back at you in the mirror? What if this is really about you?
Take everything you think this is about, take everything you’ve ever been told, take all those rules you’ve been led to believe you have to follow, and allow yourself to finally hear what you know in your heart of hearts to be the truth.
Love doesn’t require you to unlock a secret code.
Love could never withhold itself from you simply because you don’t know some hidden rule.
Love could never be so complicated that it requires so much more than you already have within you.
You know this! Yes, oh how you do.
The first step to bringing the only kind of love you ever want – the real kind - closer to you, is trusting that part of you that knows what you’ve never been allowed to know.
It’s because you feel everything you do.
It’s because you care so deeply, you love with abandon, you refuse to settle for what you know you should never have to. This is the part of you that makes you so beautifully and uniquely you!
It’s not your fault you’ve done everything you have, you’ve tried everything you could.
It’s time to come back to you.
Beautiful, radiant, confident, you. The real, authentic you like you’ve never known yourself before.
The one he’s been waiting for. The one he’s been looking for. The one he can’t resist.
Believe in you and he sees you. Believe in you, and he recognizes you.
It’s a shift you can finally feel in control of. You create it! And then just watch and see what shows up. The kind of love you’ve been waiting for. The kind that knows and sees and adores YOU! Unlike anything you ever thought it could be.
What do you think? What difference would this make in your life? Share your story with us in the comments!
I guess this is it... I have to stop looking for someone, when I actually have to learn to be alone first!
My relationship just ended and I hated him for that, but I notice now he is actually emotionally unavailable and for some reason I just keep attracting men like that into my life. I have to admit this time I thought it was different... A man at 42 sure has his life together or at least that's what I thought. He broke up because he said he is not ready for a serious commitment and he doesn't know what he wants for his life, has achieved all his career goals, it's financially independent and has everything he ever wanted but still doesn't know what he wants... Yet he has relationship after relationship. So what's wrong with people?
What's wrong with me always attracting men that don't know what they want?
After reading this I guess it is true... I need to focus on myself and no one else.
There's nothing wrong with you, Caroline. We find out what we don't want first before we find out what we do. That's when the good stuff happens!
There are times when I feel strong enough to carry on with daily life. Then there are times when I struggle to get up out of bed and start my day again. I use to have times when I felt confident and attractive but still seeking to be seen by someone special which never happened. Also times when desperation would overtake my actions and the choices were not good at all. After reading this, I believe it takes more than just believing in yourself and thinking positive to meet someone just for you in these current times that we live in. Society has completely changed the way we meet, date and interact with one another and not in a productive way. Since I'm now trying to be my most authentic self (given up trying to conform to what is accepted by beauty standards) I no longer receive attention from men. Maybe some greetings but that's it and since I'm in my late 40's, I've come to the conclusion that I must plan to live the rest of my life without a mate because I no longer desire to try or compete or accept whatever comes my way any longer. I hope I don't sound bitter but realistic. I always read your articles because they resonate with me and I do appreciate them and have purchased some of your programs which were very helpful and informative. I'm going to take it a day at a time and improve and accept myself as I am and learn to be ok with that.
Thank you for your honesty here, Annette. I'm so glad you're here! It takes courage to say what you have, and yet it says so much. I can understand exactly where you're coming from. You're not alone. My Beautiful, Confident, Radiant You Program currently comes with a free coaching session, so if that's one of the programs you've purchased and you haven't yet booked your session, please email me directly to set that up. I would love to talk more about this with you if and when you're ready!
*sigh* This is the part in my life where I am really confused and I do not like it because it is an uncomfortable feeling. I know what I possess, I appreciate and embrace my qualities especially ones that hugely have an impact on my character. I know very well what my worth is. There is no one I love in this world more than me. I am selfish with me. I always put me first. I am my first priority. I know I am a good woman...but...
I am turning 27 years next week and I am still alone and it hurts, its a feeling I have lived with all my life but it does not hurt any less. The men that I cannot be with are the one who happen to realise what a good girlfriend or wife I could be. The men I want cannot handle the woman I am. But why must wanting to be in a relationship complicate my life?
I have a good job, live on my own and also studying so I am fairly an independent woman, I thought men wanted a woman like that or am I in the wrong planet?
Look Jane, I have to much to say about me and relationships and trust me its not a good story. All I can ask is why am I not being rewarded for being a good woman? Men have given me all sorts of excuses as to why it could not work out. The recent one was that the relationship was too much admin. Once I was told that I'm too close to my family and my family treats me like the cream on the cake. The one I hated the most was that I am too independent and I make a man feel unneeded therefore being unable to fulfill his manly duties in the relationship.
Jane, what is a woman to do because all I really want is a man to support and complement the (great) woman I am striving towards - is that really too much to ask?
I am so sad (but ONLY about relationships, everything in my life is going great and that serves as a consolation at times). I am lonely. And I am frustrated...
Hope I am making sense.
Hi Decky.
There is something that stood out for me in your comment: "why am I not being rewarded for being a good woman?"
I found this line very interesting. Maybe you would like to explore it a bit deeper? This is a genuine question, I mean no disrespect. Why do you feel you should be rewarded for living your life a certain way? Is it possible you are holding a belief you're not aware of that is limiting you?
Hello Angel,
I, in no way, expect no validation from anyone. All I have done and the way I have handled myself was all for me. What I am saying is why can't the world or should I men, why can't they see that and appreciate that? I have been a good woman because I know that I expect to be with a good man.
And maybe you are right...I should explore it a bit deeper I guess but honestly I am scared of what I might find.
I so hear you, Decky. Thank you for being so honest, for being open to hearing what Angel was gently asking you. This is true for so many of us. Underneath is always some underlying fear, and so often it is exactly as you say - we are scared of what we might find. There's always something beautiful waiting for us on the other side of our deepest fears, Decky. If fact, as much as we want to go around them to get there, it is only in the "going through" that we find the answers and the reward we were looking for everywhere but there. Thank you for being here, for being willing to look deeper, for being you. These are baby steps. Anywhere worth going comes by taking each one and trusting the next one will show us more of what we need to know when we get there. It's learning to trust that gets us to the next one.
Thank you, Decky for answering. That was very kind of you. I didn't necessarily think you had to answer because of course, the answers are a gift for you. I just felt I wanted to help somehow by pointing out something for you to explore. The reason I found myself asking the question is because I felt exactly how you feel and when I questioned that thought process, I saw a lot I wasn't aware of.
We have subconscious beliefs that hold us back.
In my personal situation, I had a similar belief: I am a good woman, therefore I should have a man appreciating that. But when I looked at it deeper, I realized I was assuming things that don't hold true in the real world. There are many good people out there who don't have partners and many people who behave erratically and even morally wrong, and yet they have partners. Being appreciated is something we have no control over. There are things that we can do though, to get a different result. For me personally, things began to change when I looked at myself and my responsibility in the crappy situations I kept getting into. Long story short, even though I have always been a good woman, there were things I was doing that didn't get me anywhere. For example: I had extremely low self-esteem. Deep down I felt no man would want me. I showered a man with attention and thoughtful things to get him to like me. I didn't realize that, although I didn't mean to, I was trying to manipulate them into wanting me. Not attractive or effective for that matter. Without even knowing I was being inauthentic. Another thing is, since I believed so little of me and I wanted a partner so badly, I put up with indifference and even slightly crappy behavior. I was holding the belief that I had to be different to be loved and that the man was perfect as is. Nope! Absurd. Whenever a good man who was interested in me approached me, I thought there was something wrong with him. I had all the reasons in the world to reject him. Silly.
Anyway, this is, of course, my own very personal experience. I am not saying this is you. What I am saying is that I found a lot by examining myself a bit closer and more objectively. Maybe you have already done it. But maybe there is more you haven't seen about yourself. Don't be afraid of finding your scary places. They are gold and we all have them. They are what make us human. Looking at them could be the best, most liberating thing you can ever do. Don't beat yourself up if you find something that is not so nice. Just look at it with loving eyes and then see what you can do 🙂
Yes. That's all it takes and frankly, I have come to the realization that that someone is me. Believing in myself is much more powerful than any other idea someone else has of me. When I hold on to myself, I know I am stronger and know that I cannot be debilitated by someone's ideas of me or the world.
It is so strange that I had never ever reflected on who I was and what I honestly wanted out of life when I set all these external narratives aside.
This has been a slow awakening for me and now, somehow, today I am feeling like I don't care anymore if I find that hypothetical "him" I have wasted so much time looking for.
It has become increasingly clear that it was all a construct in my head, influenced by the voices of society saying there is something wrong with me if I don't have a partner, if I don't have children, if I don't look like this, if I don't want this or that, etc. There is no end to that, there is no pleasing anyone ever. There will always be something that makes people think I am not good enough if I don't do, or have, or be whatever the trend happens to say at the moment. It's rather absurd.
This idea I had of needing to be rescued, as if I am not capable of making a beautiful life for myself was just so unconscious and ingrained in me, that it was running my entire life.
I relapse now and again into the needing to find him somehow. But then I remember it's all in my head.
Today I feel somehow that I don't want to keep living my life focusing on what I don't have. I don't want to live my life waiting for it to be lived, to start.
There is so much to do right now even on my own, that it seems rather silly for me to hold back.
I have dated here and there and even though these men were nice, I just didn't really care much about their opinions of me. I am proud of myself for being who I am, unapologetically and letting people be who they are, without putting them on a pedestal or making myself less in any way. It is so freeing.
Sometimes I wonder if I will ever meet a man that I like enough to want to commit to him fully. I don't mean it in an arrogant way, but in a more level-headed way, one that says that we are all just flawed humans at the end of the day and that we all have something to offer and something that is not that great at the same time. I can see these men for who they are or what they show me at the moment and I appreciate their greatness, but I can also see them as just normal people, like I am.
No more defering to them or their opinions to determine my mood or desires.
I am learning to believe in me much more each day and it feels great to know I can be happy any way I choose to live.
So true, Angel. Thank you for sharing. This part especially resonates so deeply - "There is no end to that, there is no pleasing anyone ever. There will always be something that makes people think I am not good enough if I don't do, or have, or be whatever the trend happens to say at the moment."
We are either living our own lives or living in the shadows, ashamed of who or what we are because of what we are somehow supposed to be.