Our question this week comes from our beautiful friend Janet, who has broken up with her boyfriend because he wouldn't move their relationship along to the next level of commitment.
Here's what she wrote:
My boyfriend of almost 3 years tells me he loves me and wants to marry me and move in with me ...but doesn't know when.
We live apart and only see one another on the weekends. I have asked for a key before to his apartment so I could wait upstairs for him when I arrive and he said it was against his values.
The other day I couldn't reach him all night....and we had a huge fight that lasted for days...when we finally spoke...I told him that I did not feel comfortable with our current arrangement and if he didn't want to live together at this time...that he should at least give me a key...so if I need to speak with him and can't reach him by phone...I can go to his house.
He said he loves me and wants to marry me...it could be as soon as next year...he doesn't know...but I already know his answer about the key and that will not change.
I told him I just didn't feel comfortable anymore...and I feel the key was kinda like the bare minimum I needed to hang in there at this point.
He declined.
We broke up.
I haven't spoken to him since...almost a month now...
My theory is...if he really loved me and was even close to a commitment...he would never let me go...over a key...
Wanted to see what you thought of the situation?
My Response:
It’s never about what we think it is.
The key.
It’s what we make it about. And in our mind, that key becomes everything.
It becomes our story, and his excuse.
This wasn’t about the key, Janet. Because you’re absolutely right. He would never have let you go over a mere key.
It was about what that key represented. To him and to you as well.
The key was about his freedom. It was about his independence. It was about his comfort zone.
And for you, that key was the symbol of his commitment to you. What you were both fighting about underneath the guise that this was all about a key, was the degree to which he was letting you into his heart and life.
You may not have even realized this, but to him, from where he stood in his own place of confusion about when and how he would finally become ready to move in with you and marry you, the key served as a type of ultimatum to him.
He heard your words and your actions loud and clear. He didn’t want to lose you, but he clearly wasn’t ready to lose himself either. And if you understand the psyche of men – especially a man who isn’t emotionally available to you and struggles with his own commitment issues – every time you brought up the key, it felt like control to him.
He didn’t know what to do.
He didn’t know where to go. The only thing that brought him relief was to inadvertently pick a fight with you. He created distance when the pressure and lack of space became too much.
What you need to know, Janet, is that this clearly wasn’t a man who was ready for the commitment you were looking for from him. You let him know your terms – that a key, and more accurately, what that key represented to you, was your bare minimum.
And he responded by letting you know in the only way he knew how, that he wasn’t ready for what you clearly were.
This is what we call not being on the same page, no matter how much you may both claim to love each other. Much to the contrary of what we’ve been programmed to believe, love can’t conquer all unless both people want it to – and are willing to put in the time and effort to make that happen!
For him, that would have meant taking the steps to find out what he needed to do to find the space for himself within your relationship, not outside of it. It would have meant finding a way within himself to reconcile what he felt was love and what felt like control.
Did he love you? I’m sure he did. Or at least as much as he was able to.
But as we so often find out the hard way, it wasn’t enough. For him, or for you. Would it have made a difference if you could have given him more space – and more time? Maybe.
But only if he was able to see through what was really going on for him underneath the surface that’s so easy to distract oneself with.
In our culture, a man can easily hide behind his lack of commitment as “just the way men are”, and see you as “just the way women are”, and never need to bridge the gap between the two to actually get together.
In the meantime, you’re the one who wastes your own precious time and energy doing nothing more than waiting for someone to change, to do something that is completely beyond your control.
Is that any way for any of us to live? Only you can answer that for yourself, but I know the answer most of us have discovered the hard and heartbroken way. It’s more than just no, it’s “no, not anymore” and “never EVER again”.
You gave him a chance to see.
You gave him a chance to wake up to what’s possible when we take a chance on love and do the work we need to do for ourselves to get to where we want to be. But only if he wants to. Only if he’s motivated to. Only if he had eyes to see.
Without that, Janet, you can’t change him. We can only change ourselves.
I hope this helps.
Love,
Jane
DEAR JANE,
My ex just recently broke up with me by just calling, he said he still loves me but is also in love with this other girl he met at work. We shared lives for 12 years & 4 mos, & every month that passes since 2004, he will always greet me, “happy anniversary, i love u”.. we never had any big issue or argument during those times, he always show how he loves me & he is happy when we are together. But 3 months ago, he has to go somewhere far for his job, that is when he met this girl. I wanted to beg him to stay but he said to me to just move on with my life without him. How can he easily forget about us? Will he return to me someday? Its so hard to accept we are not together anymore, i am devastated, what should i do? Please help me.
What a brilliant response Jane. It's so true what the key represented for each person. 2 different meanings. I've been through something similar just recently. All was going so well until out of the blue he doesn't know what he wants. Unsure if he can go the long haul but prior to that he was all for it giving every indication he wanted long term. In my case I read between what he was saying and all I could hear was " I don't think I'm ready for this any time soon, I'm terrified of commitment even though I do want it, I did fall for you but now I don't know and I don't want to make a mistake by letting you go either". So after working all of this out I gave him space . We agreed some time apart to weigh it all up individually . I knew in my heart it could go no further no matter what I did or said. It was nothing to do with anything I had said or done. It was because he had a fear of commitment and had done exactly the same thing in a previous relationship to another lady after 2 years of dating. She was devastated. I knew this man brought things as far as he could. I wasn't willing to hang around. I respected myself enough to walk away. We made contact and I clearly told him I felt I wanted more time and space and time with my kids for the summer. That perhaps in 2 months we could connect for a coffee! My text was blunt and showed no emotion but was also practical as I have 2 kids and wanted to give them my full attention for the summer and he would have understood that as he had kids too. I worded the message on such a way that it protected me and set a firm boundary but would also give him an opportunity to respond if he wanted to try and talk me out of it or meet up sooner ! His response was the answer I knew already. He said that was totally fine and wished me and my kids the very best. It was his last text to me. We didn't speak in person. We had an amazing year together which I do not regret. It was better to end things than leave things linger. Yes it was hard but I've been through far worse and life goes on. I feel stronger and wiser. I've so much to look forward to. I don't feel I need a man to complete me at all. I'm happy as I am. It's taken me years of beating myself up over breakups and a divorce to finally realise that things can change, people can change. You can't control people and their emotions. We all carry some baggage in life. What can start out as being so amazing and full of potential can come crashing down. I firmly believe everything happens for a reason. That through each season we learn more about ourselves. We become a better version of ourselves. There are times you just have to walk away and trust yourself enough to know there is something better for you put there but in the meantime just love yourself and celebrate the wonderful person that you are.
I'm so glad this resonated with you, Dawn. It sounds like you have learned so much - and come so far! Sometimes our next steps are only to accept what we've discovered and live out our lives from there. Beautiful!
What a brilliant response Jane. It's so true what the key represented for each person. 2 different meanings. I've been through something similar just recently. All was going so well until out of the blue he doesn't know what he wants. Unsure if he can go the long haul but prior to that he was all for it giving every indication he wanted long term. In my case I read between what he was saying and all I could hear was " I don't think I'm ready for this any time soon, I'm terrified of commitment even though I do want it, I did fall for you but now I don't know and I don't want to make a mistake by letting you go either". So after working all of this out I gave him space . We agreed some time apart to weigh it all up individually . I knew in my heart it could go no further no matter what I did or said. It was nothing to do with anything I had said or done. It was because he had a fear of commitment and had done exactly the same thing in a previous relationship to another lady after 2 years of dating. She was devastated. I knew this man brought things as far as he could. I wasn't willing to hang around. I respected myself enough to walk away. We made contact and I clearly told him I felt I wanted more time and space and time with my kids for the summer. That perhaps in 2 months we could connect for a coffee! My text was blunt and showed no emotion but was also practical as I have 2 kids and wanted to give them my full attention for the summer and he would have understood that as he had kids too. I worded the message on such a way that it protected me and set a firm boundary but would also give him an opportunity to respond if he wanted to try and talk me out of it or meet up sooner ! His response was the answer I knew already. He said that was totally fine and wished me and my kids the very best. It was his last text to me. We didn't speak in person. We had an amazing year together which I do not regret. It was better to end things than leave things linger. Yes it was hard but I've been through far worse and life goes on. I feel stronger and wiser. I've so much to look forward to. I don't feel I need a man to complete me at all. I'm happy as I am. It's taken me years of nesting myself up over breakups and a divorce to finally realise that things can change, people can change. You can't control people and their emotions. We all carry some baggage in life. What can start out as being so amazing and full of potential can come crashing down. I firmly believe everything happens for a reason. That through each season we learn more about ourselves. We become a better version of ourselves. There are times you just have to walk away and trust yourself enough to know there is something better for you put there but in the meantime just love yourself and celebrate the wonderful person that you are.
Hello Jane, please I need your advice on this. I met him november 2014, we got to know ourselves better and started officially dating in january 2015. Things have been near perfect since then. He is committed to our relationship and loving too. It was only a matter of months before I realised I have met the guy I want to share the rest of my life with. He seemed to realise it quite early too, cause after some months of dating he talked about us getting married in december. However as the months go by, he wasnt letting me in on any plans towards getting married. I waited for an official proposal which never came. After some months I garnered courage to ask, he said I should be patient, he has plans. Then its all quiet again. At about September 2015 I got tired of waiting and wondering..so I asked again, he said I will know by october. By October, he asked me for some details about my parents and that was it. I know he met with his parents to discuss about us thats why he needed information about my family. He didnt tell me, I just know. Towards the end of October, I expected the proposal or a talk about his plans towards us getting married... Nothing..so I asked again and he said I will know by december. At that time it was glaring we wont be getting married in december. Well, december came and gone..he didnt discuss any future plans with him. I didnt ask him either. I only told him I want to buy a car and he said I should wait till after we are married. I wanted to know when will that be, but he went silent again, saying he has plans, I dont need to know yet. His parents invited me over for the christmas and I had a nice time with the family but that to me without an official engagement doesnt say where we truly stand. I expect by now he would start talking about his plans for us and we would be planning together but nothing. Today, I brought up the conversation with him again. I want to know what his plans are..and the story still remained the same..he has plans, when its right I will know. His friend said he want to surprise me but at this point I dont care about surprises anymore. He told me today his family has approved us getting married but at this stage, that doesnt even sound like good news anymore. I am not saying we should get married now but a proposal will be a start..him discussing marriage plans with me would mean something. Everything is so beautiful. We have great time together, all these months we have never quarreled beyond 24 hours. Its been calm and peaceful, so I dont understand why the hold up? He doesnt understand my view about this. Whenever we talk about this, it becomes heated. He just want me to be quiet and wait for him to tell me when he thinks the time is right. He had last year told his sister he will get married in december, then after some months told his friend, he will be married in march and some months later told his sister May. I dont understand that. he wont tell me anything, then keep giving dates to other people like its all about him. Why is it so hard for him to tell me the plans he has for us?
It sounds like he doesn't even know. I went through a similar situation. I was dating a guy for almost 8 years. We talked about marriage (no soild details), but spoke of it. Eventually we even picked out a ring together. My problem came when he never actually proposed. 2 months went by, then 4, then 6, eventually 7. I asked and asked and asked. My friends, his friends, both our families pressured him with questions. Eventually being asked question after question led him to "not know" if he really wanted it. He started to push himself away from me and I not knowing at the time couldn't understand why. Who buys a ring and doesn't propose I asked myself over and over. Now we are broken up (his doing) and are trying to work on things, but honestly I'm so heart broken over the whole thing that I'm now unsure if he is who I really want. He broke up with me, let me go, and now wants to work on things after I spent months crying? So hard!
My advice is try not to put any pressure on it. I know it's hard, trust me, but it may back fire like it did for me. Maybe he really does have something special up his sleeve and is just waiting for the right moment. On the flip side, don't wait for him forever. You deserve to have everything you want in this life.
I have been in a long distance sorta relationship. I say this because at the beginning before it became a long distance thing we saw each other once a month.for the first 6 months (we lived 6 hrs apart)We were a couple Until his job relocated and I moved closer to my parents to take care of them.I havent seen him in 2 years because our moving schedules and his job and other life events have not given either one of us any time to spend. He calls every other day never texts , I do not call him unless I return a missed call.He tells me often he feels a strong chemistry and emotional connection withe me.We have not told each other the LOVE words, but have had the undertones of it being there. I have mentioned about seeing other people he said he would understand but would hope I would hang on a little longer. He says if he didnt feel like we had something he would not have continued our valued friendship he says I am his best friend..because it would not be fair. He will be moving closer to me at the first of this year and his job an my parents issues have been resolved and wants to reconnect again to see what we have. He has never given me any reason not to trust him and I have followed my gut very close. (having dated players and needy men has taught me to watch and listen and learn) I dont get those icky feelings with him. Sometimes though I wonder we will ever be together is he just calling me as a friend because he doesnt have anyone , he says he is not interested in anyone else. Am I being wishfull that we have something worth waiting and have that happy ending . He knows i am getting tired, but have been very patient and understanding about his job and supports me and encourages what I do .tells me I am the strongest woman he knows.How do I ask him how he really feels and where are we headed without making him feel like I am adding more stress to our current situations. My kids know about him he has spoken to them on the phone , but I dont know if his know about me yet. He was married for 27 years to their mom and I am really the first woman he has had any long term anything with since his divorce 5 years ago. Just really confused he knows I adore him and proud of what he does khow he makes me glow when we talk. .but I havent really told him how I feel. Why would a man keep in this much contact if he wasnt interested, Just feeling a little stuck and dont know what i can do to make this move forward.
Hello Jane and everyone, I have a friend who does everything for me. If I need money, he gives it to me, he fixes everything that is broken around my house without asking for anything in return. We spend every holiday together and birthday. We have been doing this for almost two years. We had a discussion about our relationship status and he said he wanted to take things slow and I agree that decision. Now I'm question the status of our relationship again. Are we more than friends or what. I explained to him that I was in love with him and he replied that he cared for me a lot. That's not what I wanted to hear but I had to accept his answer. I told him that I wanted more and that I deserve to be love the way I love him. He told me that if I choose to be with someone else that that's my choice and that he always going to be there for me. The dilemma that I have is that I have another gentleman that wants to show me how much he love me but my heart still aches for my friend and I don't want to give this guy a chance because I'm still in love with my friend. How can I get over my friend when obviously he is not ready for a relationship? Should I give the gentleman a chance to woo me? What should I do if my friend decides that he wants a relationship and I'm involved with this gentleman? I'm desperately in need of advice!
Hi
Thank you everyone who responded.
I just wanted to add that the night that I couldn't reach him by telephone....He ended up calling me...
I asked if he was home...and he said yes....I told him I needed to speak with him...and I was a few blocks from his house...and to open the door for me. He said okay....
He never came to the door or answered my calls after that. The next day he text me that he rolled over and went back to sleep. I was clearly upset and said that I didn't want to go to his house again...that if he wanted to see me...he could come to my place to talk.
He came...throwing up...
He said he was sick.
I believe he was out the night before...and that he lied to me about being home and was now hungover from too much partying. I was very upset....that is why we got in the fight. It was not the first time a situation like that happened...but things had been so good lately...I believed that he did change....after him not showing up n then coming over throwing up...I felt I can no longer believe his word....or his whereabouts in our time apart. That is why the key was important to me...to me...the key meant trust....that he had nothing to hide....because I didn't want to stay in a relationship with someone that had a secret life...and I didn't want to feel stressed about how he was spending his time when we are apart.
Never EVER again, for most of us here... However hopeful we might feel from time to time, even now... that he might wake up and see, that he might come for us and give us that key ....
...but this never happens, for most of us. Waiting only makes the key bigger, and pages more different.
This could easily be my own story. We could have continued to walk a thin line for years, as long as there was some "safety key" in his pocket. But, I couldn't push the same door any more, I got tired.
Is spite of the heartbreak, tears, tries and cries, he stayed in his cozy room and did not cross the line, not a single inch. And, however disappointing this is, that WILL be the final answer to most of us, still waiting and hoping... He won't change his mind. You have started a story he cannot read any more, and you cannot read the old yellow pages. You both know it. Be thankful and proud, for getting to this truth.
"Be thankful and proud, for getting to this truth." - Yes, SB. So thankful, so proud, even when it feels like the last thing in the world to be thankful, let alone proud of.
In my situation, I did not want a key!! I have learned that people coming along in your life at time when you or they need you for that season. I was in a 3 year relationship that I thought was the forever, he was going through a divorce from a 13 year marriage and had 3 children. He did not know how to parent children without a woman. Plus he got married at a young age and did not get being a partying and whorishness out of his system (not making excusing but keeping it 100). I had raise my daughter, so parenting was a breeze to me because I was a mother. I believed that if he deserve to get these things out of his system, I gave it time. Then when we got to meeting the family, going on family trips, being a family illegally. I felt it was time to be a family legally. BUT, I was not what he wanted, I was good for the helping of the kids, arm candy, dreaming with, etc. but I did not have a 6 figure salary, title in front of my name, and MBA (past, his lose) Now, I met a man that told me from day one that he was trying to get somewhere with a wife, within 90 days of dating, he gave me a key to his home and car. I did not ask or did not want. Every time I walked away from the relationship (I felt I was not ready) he came and got me!! I am said all of this to say....men know what they want!! We as women have to HEAR what they are SAYING!!! Janet this is a lesson, learn from it and keep moving forward. Laugh and hard as you can everyday!!! Live life to the fullest!!! and Love yourself unconditionally!!!
And none of those things would have made him right for you, RealDavis. Thank you for sharing. Lessons indeed! So glad you've discovered the beauty of a relationship where you don't have to be anything but yourself to be loved!
Women fall sooner in love with men. We start trusting them earlier. It s a thing in men. They need to test women. Women are being tried by their parthners to see if they can be trusted or capable of even loving. Men need to know that their parthners have faith , trust, and love. These things can take time to accomplish. We women ask for love, trust and care too early.
Agreed but after 3 yrs? that's not too early to expect love and trust from your mate.
Which is why we need to be the ones to slow things down so we can not let our hearts - and our imaginations - go running wild before we truly get to know someone well enough to know if this one we've set our sights on is even worthy of all that we are, all that we have to offer, and all that we give from the very deepest place in our hearts. Thank you for bringing this up, Shakuntala. We don't ask; we observe! And while we're observing, we don't give so much of ourselves away that we can't get ourselves back.
For Janet,
Maintaining a degree of privacy and independence can be very important even when you are living together/married. It sounds like your needs were different than his in this area. After three years I can understand your impatience - but one strategy might be to talk through how you two might live together in such a way that he felt comfortable that all time would not be "togetherness time".
Bigger than this question, is that of trust. We all expect instant responses with email and texts and this can create unrealistic expectations. You might ask yourself why you would need to enter his house and wait for him if you could not instantly reach him. If in three years he has not proven himself worthy of your trust, your relationship should not be pursued. He may truly not be ready to get married, as Jane indicated, and you have a perfect right in asking this question of him after three years, but if you cannot give a person space because you don't trust him, that's on you.
Thanks for adding your insight to the conversation, Lisa. These are great points! They especially show how we always know, because we would never need to make an issue of something if we didn't feel that something wasn't quite right, that we're not on the same page, that we can't trust someone without "the key". If we take nothing more from this, remember that it's your gut instinct that always, always knows!
So right Jane!
The second time my off and on boyfriend and I broke up was over the same issue. A KEY! He lived in a gated community. We saw each other just about everyday at lunch time and sometimes after work at his place. Problem is on many occasions I would get there before he does and would have to wait outside for sometimes up to 30 mins. The last time it happened I was so annoyed and told him he should let me have the code to the gate and a key to his place. I told him he's known me at the time for 3 years and I would never show up unannounced. I told him I hated waiting outside the gate with people looking at me. He said I should give him sometime to think about it. Oh I forgot to mention that one of his ex girl friends had a key to his house. They were not dating anymore, She was pregnant someone else but he trusted her with his key and he also had a key to her house. It didn't mean anything to me then because I never wanted a key until now.
While he was "thinking" about it, he remembered a conversation we all had with my sister at a party about things that should come "naturally" in a relationship. One of it was the key issue. So after a weekend he called me and I could tell he was nervous. He started off by telling me how much he loved me and then said things like exchanging keys should come "naturally". I told him he didn't love me and if he did he would understand where I'm coming from. I told him it had nothing to do with control or anything. But in his mind he was like first its a key then next thing I will be moving in. I told him well if he still felt that way after 3 years of dating (we had broken up once before then over something else for 11 months) then I think we are in the wrong relationship. Its like we are reading a book and I am on chapter 10 and he is still reading the preface. So that was it. I hung up. He tried calling me a few times after then but I did not pick up. We broke up for 13 months. I went No Contact. Anyway we ended up getting back together for another 14 months, but the commitment thing was still there. He was not ready nor willing to commit to me the way I wanted to. Also found out he was cheating. So I ended it and its been almost 2 years. I heard he is married to a lady half his age and is expecting a baby and has moved this lady into his new house. Good for them.
Truth is whatever his reason was at the time was irrelevant to me. It started off with wanting a key and his refusal to let me have it told me he was not on the same page as I was. Because I would have given him a key to my place if he had asked for it without even blinking.
"Its like we are reading a book and I am on chapter 10 and he is still reading the preface" YES!! That's a great way to describe it. That's how I felt with my ex I was with for 3 years. Seemed like every time the relationship moved forward or looked like it was going to move forward, something would set it back. It's one thing to not be ready to commit after 6 months, but it shouldn't take years and years and years for them to be ready. The "not ready" is just another way of saying "no but I don't want to start a fight and I want to continue to get all the benefits of a relationship without any commitment or responsibility." No Thanks!!!
And the most telling part of all, Sallysue, is that "something" that would set it back can only become something if someone in the relationship wants it to. It never just happens.
It really is so telling, Princess. Whether it's a key or some other symbol, it's always about what's underneath. When two people are on the same page and want the same thing - with each other - things do come naturally, and if they don't, that tells you what you really need to know. You saw this early on. We just sometimes need to go through the back and forth to see it for ourselves when we so want it to be otherwise! Good for you, too!
Hi Jane,
This was interesting to read as My 4 years old boyfriend broke up with me couple months ago and I think it was over commitment issues and also him putting his career first. He claimed to still love me and still wanting to be with although it wasn't enough according to him. He said it wasn't gonna work without any further explanation...
So, you think it is possible to still be in love with someone while not being on the same page or you just think you are because of this attachment or habit? What do you think?
Thanks!
Hey MH
I think it is possible. Men and women are just wired differently. I asked my ex how can he say he loves me and not want to be with me forever. He said he does not know. So then he told me that marrying for love is not relevant to him. He basically had in mind the kind of woman he wanted to marry and even though he loved me I did not fit that model. I was "too old" and I already been married once with 3 children.
Ouch! I hope you didn't take that personally, Princess. That's his stuff, not yours. You can never be "too old" and not "fitting that model" with someone who was ever right for you. Next!
Lol. Not at all.
We can love anyone - regardless of whether we're on the same page or not - if we've been sufficiently conditioned to believe that what we feel for them is love. Where we do so much damage to our beautiful hearts and souls is when we feel we have to act on those feelings even if it hurts us. And tragically, that's what so many of us are doing.
As usual your advice is always brilliant! It probably feels complicated to her but yet may be as simple as: Love doesn't hurt. If you cry over his reaction(s) you are NOT cherished by him. Which you deserve. Therefore, that's clue #1 to you that its time to bounce and, for good!
Thank you, Kai. And so true! It always feels so complicated when we're going through it ourselves, but if we can detach enough to see it like you've described here, our answers are just that simple and oh so clear.
Thank you for your response!!!
I just wanted to add that the night that I couldn't reach him by telephone....He ended up calling me...
I asked if he was home...and he said yes....I told him I needed to speak with him...and I was a few blocks from his house...and to open the door for me. He said okay....
He never came to the door or answered my calls after that. The next day he text me that he rolled over and went back to sleep. I was clearly upset and said that I didn't want to go to his house again...that if he wanted to see me...he could come to my place to talk.
He came...throwing up...
He said he was sick.
I believe he was out the night before...and that he lied to me about being home and was now hungover from too much partying. I was very upset....that is why we got in the fight. It was not the first time a situation like that happened...but things had been so good lately...I believed that he did change....after him not showing up n then coming over throwing up...I felt I can no longer believe his word....or his whereabouts in our time apart. That is why the key was important to me...to me...the key meant trust....that he had nothing to hide....because I didn't want to stay in a relationship with someone that had a secret life...and I didn't want to feel stressed about how he was spending his time when we are apart.
You're so welcome, Janet. Of course you didn't want to stay in a relationship with someone who you couldn't trust, who gave you reason to feel stressed. We can only convince ourselves we can live like this for so long before we finally allow ourselves to see the truth. You can trust yourself! You knew!
Thank you for posting me on your blog and taking the time to read and respond to me. Your awesome!
I think throughout that whole relationship I was trying so hard to learn to trust him....when I should have been focussing on learning to trust myself....I thought maybe my gut feelings were skewed from past experiences...but now I know that all along my gut was speaking the truth to me...if I believed it and trusted myself and my feelings...I would have closed that door along time ago....I guess I had to see for myself....and now I know.
Thank you Jane
oh Janet, this is the beauty about this journey. We think it's about one thing and we put all our time and energy into that, only to discover as move farther through it into the really big aha moments - and yes, they always come when we're open to seeing them! - that it's been about something else all along. Not him at all, in fact, but about us. We're the beauty of this journey, Janet. To begin to trust ourselves, to pause and listen to what we have to say for a change, instead of always listening to him, that's the beginning of so much more than you could ever have dreamed of. Don't fight it; this is how you get to any place ever worth going!