Welcome to 2015, gorgeous! I hope that you had a wonderful holiday season celebrating love, joy, and abundance in whatever method you've chosen for your life.
As you know, I love the feeling of freshness, change and the endless possibilities for positive transformation that the idea of a new year brings.
But as much as I’ll always be the eternal optimist, I've also come to see the necessity of bringing in that realist perspective as well, and so I know that this idea of making huge changes in our lives all at once can seem overwhelming and a bit daunting.
And it also sets us up for one thing, and one thing only:
Failure.
So today I want to give you a few thoughts that will help you avoid failure this year by changing your mindset right from the start.
The key to any kind of lasting change is something that you've heard me talk about a lot here on the blog:
Knowing your true self.
What I mean by this, and how it applies to transformation in our lives, is that in order for that transformation to stick, it needs to work for YOU.
There is no one size fits all.
The key is finding ways to make the changes in your life so that you can see the real results that you've been dreaming about.
Some people may thrive on abrupt changes (think: quitting smoking “cold turkey” or deciding that, starting today, I’m eating nothing but veggies), but most of us do a lot better by making small changes and taking baby steps.
So if you've made some huge, abrupt changes in your life in the past and those changes stuck, then great – go for it again!
But if you’re like the rest of us, then making the typical New Year’s resolutions (I’m going to the gym every day, I’m going to lose 50 pounds in the next month, etc.) are just going to lead to failure, and what’s far worse than even that, feeling bad about yourself. And that's always where the worst damage is done.
So this year, instead of setting enormous, unrealistic and likely unattainable goals for yourself, I want you to make just one resolution:
To make at least a little bit of progress towards your goal every single day.
Some days that bit of progress will be substantial, and some days it might be tiny. It doesn't matter. Baby steps will get you there.
The point is to always be moving towards the life that you dream for yourself.
Doesn't that sound better?
Doesn't that sound so much more do-able?
All you have to do is commit to doing one small thing that will get you closer to your dream life each day.
A little help.
And I've got some good news for you.
If one of your goals for this year is to finally have the kind of relationship that you've always wanted (and I’m guessing that since you’re here, reading this, that it is one of your goals), then I've got you covered – you can check that on off your list right now.
Starting Monday, I’m going to send my subscribers the first video in my Love Kick-start series so you can get your 2015 off to a running start.
The series is completely free, and all you have to do is watch the video and try out the simple tips I outline for you.
The series covers what I feel are the most valuable tips that will give you the best results for the least amount of effort – baby steps!
I’m going to give you lots of easy, simple techniques to quickly get you on the path to the kind of love that you've been dreaming about.
Until then, I want you to really envision what you want in a relationship – what does it look like? What does it feel like?
Share your vision of an ideal relationship (along with any other dreams that you’ll be working toward this year) with all of us below in the comments!
My idea of a relationship I would love is being with someone I can experience life with to the fullest...in all the ups and downs and still know that I am coming out the other side with my awesome team mate.
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> Someone I can experience all emotions with love hate anger sadness joy laughter silliness and the other 1000 of them without being judged as imperfect.
> Someone who knows his human just like me someone who doesn't know what he wants but is open minded about experiencing life in all its glory.
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> Someone who is open minded about marriage and children but isn't set in stone knowing that he will do whatever it takes good and bad to get what he wants. Someone who knows life is ever changing and can adapt to life and the ever lasting changes occurring.
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> Someone loving, kind , caring, adventures, honest, team player, genuine, fun , happy but not only all these amazing qualities
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> I want a real amazing human man someone not afraid to show these emotions. he will experience anger if someone confronts him and he has to defend himself and can vent to whom ever to feel better. sadness when someone dear to him passes away and can cry in front of family without feeling ashamed, annoyed at me or someone if I we do something wrong by him and he is able to talk about it with us and work through it.
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> Someone who experiences all emotions like we are built to do and is accepting of himself the way he is.
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> Because I too know when I meet this man its going to be one amazing strong love.
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> I know he is there and when it happens it happens and I'm ready for him.
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> Madeline
Beautiful, Madeline. With that kind of clarity, he can't help but find his way to you!
I would like a relationship where we are part of a team and share the good and the bad, where it is not all one sided and all about my other half's wants and needs being met.
And you deserve nothing less than exactly that, Julie!
Hi thanks a lot , I learned too much from your words I makes me strong and find myself better. More power to you. My vision in Love is "happiness and patience"
Happy New Year everyone!
Here's to a year filled with love, happiness, good health and prosperity!
May we continue to learn and grow in a positive healthy and loving way.
Best Rosy
Thank you, Rosy. Happy New Year to you, with all these same inspiring words for you, too!
Happy New Year Jane. I just wanted to say thank you for helping us all. You are a real blessing.
Thank you for your beautiful words, Deb. Happy New Year to you, too!
Happy New Year Jane!
For me, with respect to relationships, 2015 will be a year of maintaining status quo and not falling off the wagon. By that I mean, not letting my own personal insecurities get the better of me and realizing, much like you always remind me during our sessions, that I do have a lot to offer my fairer half in our relationship. During our holiday trip overseas I came to see, much as you told me, she does wonder if I am indeed real or just a dream because I am such a nice guy and that is something to be proud of in my relationship and not something to hold in lower status as compared to some of the "bad boy" stereotypical guys that women frequently find themselves wanting to be with--which, as you and the rest of the women here have indicated are indeed NOT the kind of guy a guy would want to be if they truly want a meaningful and loving relationship.
So for 2015 I will persevere, continue to improve myself and continue to express my love for my other half and continue the program of working with you to ensure that I am at my best at all times.
But what does it all mean to me for being in a loving relationship? Knowing that no matter what I do, no matter how stupid I might feel after the moment, that my partner still accepts me for who I am, quirks and all, and that I in turn can give her all of the love and support to my best ability.
Eric
Exactly, Eric! These wonderful qualities that you possess are never to be viewed through the eyes of the ones who can't appreciate them for what they are because of reasons that have everything to do with them and nothing to do with you. If someone can't accept you for the real you, you don't want them. Quirks and all, these are exactly what endears you to someone and lets you know if they're the right ones for you. It's how you know. Love working with you, Eric. Happy New Year to you, too!
Thank you so much for your positive energy, thoughts to ponder.
I found your emails refreshing and on point.
I ended my 11 year relationship right before starting to read your posts.
interestingly enough, i had started that confidence building you talk about during my relationship and found the strength I needed to end what I thought was my "ideal relationship", engaged to be married, I was able to say....... I'M MOVING ON.
Thank you again for reinforcing what I learned the hard way.
but better late than never 🙂
-My smile is brighter 🙂
Exactly, Angela! It's never mere coincidence when you find yourself discovering the very people and things that reinforce your new way of being and seeing - it's confirmation that you do know what's best for you and you're on the right path for your own beautiful heart and soul! 🙂
i feel that this year i'm on peace that i don't need to please someone who don't love me
an this year i try to search my true happiness and i learned that i am bless because God always giving me a chance to enjoy my life surrounded by those people who love me .
thank you Ms.jane:)..
Happy New Year
Happy New Year to you, too, Sharri! Always so nice to see you!
Happy New Year Jane. First I want him to find me "he who finds" we were not put in the universe to find. When he comes we have to be whole. We attract what we are "law of attraction" with that being said I AM LOVING, RESPECTING and being LOYAL to ME!!! Get the picture!!!
Happy New Year, Real Davis. He'll get the picture because when your two paths cross, it will be the picture you both have imprinted on your hearts. It's how you'll know!
The type of relationship that I want to be in is with a guy that I can trust and that is head over heels in love with me. I don't want to have question if he loves me or not!
And you absolutely won't have to, Alysha. That's how it's going to feel. And it's exactly how you'll know!
SEARCHING FOR A PARTNER WHO IS HONEST, READY TO COMMIT TO A TOTAL RELATIONSHIP... DUMPING ALL PREVIOUS FLIRTS , DATES, SEXUAL PARTNERS AND SHARE ALL HIS PRIVATE MOMENTS WITH ME..... AND ONLY ME .
Yes, yes, and yes, Annette! You and only you! That's exactly how you'll know.
Hi Jane. I'm ready to start 2015 in a positive way. 2014 was tough...my 20 year marriage ended after I fought hard to keep him. I gave up on not following thru on adopting two children we had been fostering for 3 years because he decided he no longer wanted to, I quit jobs because he told me to and I tried really hard to be who made him happy. Part of me is sad that I couldn't be enough and I wonder why I couldn't. I am letting go of that. Done envisioning him so happy with someone better, prettier and smarter. I am loving, kind, hard working, honest and beautiful no matter what he says. 2015 I am going to work really really hard at finding my strength. My next relationship I will be pursued, I won't to feel like I matter to someone, I want them to reach out to me. I will meet them halfway every time but for once, I want to feel like I am worth them putting in the effort, that I am worth their time, that I am someone who they look forward to seeing and will reach out to me for no reason whatsoever other than to tell me that they are thinking of me. Wish me luck. I'm going to work really hard in 2015 of letting go of the idea that I wasn't good enough for my ex husband and that I am worthy of being loved. I'm hoping some day he realizes that I was worth more, reaches out and that I have the strength in that moment to say No, thank you. I am worth more. Happy New Year!! xo
And you so are, Jen! Feel what it feels like to be pursued, to be sought out, to have everything you articulate so beautifully here. You don't need any more luck with this kind of vision; you have more than enough within you! Happy New Year to you, too!
Hi Jane! I've been reading your post since 2013 and have been learning a lot. I like the idea if making small changes and taking baby steps. I am currently beginning to date again. I've decided that in 2015 I will be dating and having fun as friends with no expectations. I will stay positive and see what direction it takes me in. Happy New Year and thanks for all the inspiring and insightful post.
Love this, Sav. So glad you've been here with me for so long! Thank you for your kind words and Happy beautiful New Year to you, too!
Hi Jane,
Your emails always arrive at the right moment.
I am having to make a decision on the best way for me to live with the resources available to me.
When I made the biggest change (cold turkey I might add) in my life almost 4 years ago, it was to create a better life for me and my children. I walked away from my ex husband and never looked back.
It has been a struggle. I have made many sacrifices and things never turn out how you imagined. But, I persevere and keep making the necessary changes and no matter what my situation Iwill doubt this one.
But unfortunately, I felt a roadblock and that I was wondering backwards when I had to decide to give up ths lovely little house I found last summer to go stay with a relative so I can get back on track financially. Sometimes to achieve a certain goal, sacrifices are necessary. Although it saddens me as it feels like I am losing independence, if I look at the goal I am working toward I feel better.
Never lose sight of your goals. They are the drive.
As for a loving relationship, I'm still searching for that as well. I have really grown as a person. In these last few years becoming single when I never really was (I was a 16 year old girl when I first met my ex husband and was with him til I was 43) was very daunting and I had much to learn. But one thing I am certain of, I will not be taken for granted. Because I am a beautiful loving, caring, kind, considerate, loyal person. It will make it different for dating (I know that until now I settled for just hanging out early on but that won't be an option in my new residence). My true focus will be on regaining my financial independence and building my relationships with my daughters. But when it come to finding a spouse/partner I will be dating only. No more hanging out at my place.
Thank you Jane for all of your advice and well wishes. You are like a best friend, you tell us with loving kindnesses what we need to hear and are there to support us when we fall.
I wish you health, happiness and abundance in this new year and the years to come.
Jennifer
Oh Jennifer, I so hear what you're saying. The ups the down, the highs the lows, the knowing you did the right thing, but questioning yourself because as humans, we want to know for sure. Trust yourself, know that you know better than anyone else what you need. Even if you sometimes get lost along the way. We all do! "No more hanging out at my place" - isn't that the truth!
And thank you for your kind words. I'm so glad you're feeling what I'm sending out to you. 🙂
I can't wait to get started so as of Monday I'll be on my way to making changes to a happier , healthy and loving relationship .. what I truly want and dream of.. thanks Tabitha. .
And you will be, Tabitha. It all begins with you!
My goal is to stay close to my heart/intution. When the "fear" comes as I go into life, that I let it be. That I learn to be more gentle towards me.
For me are crucial babysteps, and this works for me.
I do not know, but i would love to meet a partner this year. Yes!
I trully am more open for love and getting to practice my female sexualty. By that I mean learn more about my body & enjoy!with or without a partner. I am going on a discovery !I am less scared!
Bless you Jane. I wish you and yours lots of love and peace. You inspired me from 2012!
Hug*
Discovering you in such a more intimate way, letting your fears simply be without taking on a life of their own, and learning to be gentle towards yourself - beautiful, Maris! And thank for your kind words. So glad we've known each other for this long!
More and more I believe there is serious wisdom in picking no more than 3 to 5 major goals for a year or a quarter. Someone once said to me that if you overshoot you sabotage yourself. This seems to be what happens when a person is overwhelmed by too many projects. Once overwhelmed, often you are exhausted just thinking about it, and don't make progress at all.
Absolutely, Jackie. I've experienced this same thing myself. It's so true!
What it feels like? It feels peaceful. It feels like safety. It feels nurturing and trustful. It feels like I can be myself fully and I am accepted as is. Those are feelings that I haven't experienced much in life sadly, so I think I'm going for the gold. It is a little tricky to get there when you have no evidence to guide you, but I'm still shooting for the stars. What it looks like? I think I laugh more, I am also better at creating intimacy and we both add to each other's happiness and emotional stability. We play together, we make plans, we talk and communicate well, we share our true feelings in a respectful and safe way, we support and nurture each other. And my intention is to be in a loving, committed relationship with the right man for me by my birthday. I'd better start preparing.
Beautiful, Angel; I can feel it all the way from here. Thank you so much for sharing!