Yes, you do have to know who you are, what you have to offer and all those things that make you confident. You need to know what you’re looking for, what you really believe about love and why you keep choosing the same types of guys and expecting a different result even though they’re exactly the types that aren't on the same page as you.
But apart from all this important work we do to find out who we really are and what we’re looking for, beyond our soul searching to find our story and discover our own unique blind spots, triggers and programming. Aside from knowing what’s ours, what’s someone else’s and what comes from our culture, there lies the practical art of dating.
It’s time to revisit this concept of “dating” because it’s holding the bridge between being alone and finding someone to share our lives with.
But most of us are approaching it completely the wrong way.
We need to see dating as more than simply a means to an end. We need to see it as an enjoyable journey, filled with adventure, new people and places, new friends and renewing old acquaintances. And the key word here is enjoyable.
It’s time to take this awful pressure off of ourselves … and just date for all the right reasons.
- Date to get to know someone better.
- Date to get to know yourself better.
- Date to get to know who you are and what you’re looking for.
- Date to know what you do and don’t want.
- Date to find out about different types of people.
- Date to find out about different hobbies and passions and pastimes and causes and vocations.
- Date to find out about places you’d never otherwise know about and experiences you’d otherwise miss.
Yes, I know full well from my own personal experience that there’s going to be both the good and what you’ll call the bad. But without the one, we wouldn't get to the other.
Without taking a chance on someone, we wouldn't find the one worth taking the chance on.
Something happens we we take all the pressure off. Something comes from that conscious action that allows us to relax, to sit back and observe instead of trying so hard, looking so deep, and making this dating experience into such an all or nothing experience.
- Date to find a friend.
- Date to grow your world.
- Date to stretch yourself.
- Date to grown.
- Date to enjoy someone’s company instead of being alone.
- Date for fun!
There’s no other way to get to know someone than by spending time with them, getting to know them better by being with them purely for the sake of getting to know them better.
There doesn't have to be sparks. They can come later – and they often do! There doesn't have to be instant chemistry. There doesn't have to be the little voice that rushes ahead and sees the father of your children or your soulmate.
In fact, there really shouldn't be.
Dating is simply how we do this in our culture. It’s how we get to know someone.
But there is one important caveat; don’t jump ahead. Don’t imagine the future with him or write him off yet either. We've shown ourselves too many times that our type is not compatible with our dreams and desires. This is about a new perspective on a familiar path.
Don’t sleep with anyone yet, no matter how tempting it is. We think we can, but it never fails, we just can’t without getting ourselves emotionally involved to a point of no return. Keep to public places if it's too tempting and you don’t trust yourself to be alone with him. We’re going for the whole package; not a one-night stand (or a three-date stand).
Date often. Date more than one at a time.
This is about getting to know lots of different types of people, and feeling what it’s like to broaden your circle of friends for now. It’s about keeping your social calendar busy so you’re not spending so much time wondering if and when he’s going to call.
Soon you'll meet him. A different type from all the rest, someone who’s giving you reason to believe he’s on the same page as you and looking for the same thing – with you. Someone who you're attracted to. Someone who treats you well – without needing to sweep you off your feet. Someone who’s real. Someone who’s taking it slow so he can get to know you better, too. The one who wants the same kind of commitment from you that you want from him.
The kind of guy who proves himself worthy of you. The right guy - the one who's right for you - will.
Take any of your story about dating like this and put it on notice that it’s time for a new dating story. You’re doing the choosing here, and this new way of looking at dating is how you choose.
Does this change the way you look at dating? Tell me your thought in the comments!
Love your articles,, but I would say, respectfully that part of this one is a bit regressive or antiquated, if not offensive. Here's the quote:
We think we can, but it never fails, we just can’t without getting ourselves emotionally involved to a point of no return.
Personally, I have never connected the act of sex with love UNLESS I WAS ALREADY IN LOVE WITH THE PERSON. I have had plenty of NSA sex as a young adult without needing to stay the night, be held, or being sad when the person left. And even sex with close friends where no lines were blurred. Being able to do so is limited to men, there are plenty sex positive women who champion NSA sex.
This blog is written to a heterosexual female audience, so perhaps you were categorizing heteronormalitive women? Or all of us? Or perhaps me not being fully heterosexual also allows me to think and behave less stereotypically feminine or more stereotypically masculine at times. Perhaps both?
Furthermore I found the sentence demeaning because it stereotypes women as hormonal sexes who cannot even take control of our own emotions. Many misogynistic men, like our 45th president, think that. And they use such stereotypes as basis to respect us, or not to treat us as equals.
I understand that perhaps you in your own life may not have been able to seperate sex and emotion, but please have higher expectation for the rest of us women. We get pidgeonholed enough from men.
I have higher expectations of men and women, and I assume that people are decent, which is why I assume that most people, men and women, associate sex and romance inseparably. If you don’t that is a character flaw, regardless of whether you’re a man or a woman or which sex you choose to date.
Unfortunately society is expects men to be dogs and so called “sex positive” and that is a flaw of society and of certain men, I don’t know why you’d want women included in that nasty stereotype along with men when the better thing would be if that stereotype went away. Society needs to stop normalising bad sexual behaviour.
Dear Jane,
I have always been fond of your articles and for any of my single people, I would recommend your website. Just want to share something quickly, I went on for four years not being in a relationship. I dated countless men of my type who had each taken me for granted and didnt want anything further than sex. One night not looking for anything serious and just want to drink and have fun, I met this guy in a club not even paying him much attention as he wasnt my type physically. He wasnt even bad looking and my friends find him really attractive. My friend suggested though to get to know him as I wouldnt loose anything anyway. I did, and we kissed that night. After that night at the club, we went out again for another date and I got to know him and find out how wonderful he was. We have great laughs together and he was really sweeping me off my feet. As of now, we've been in a solid relationship for two years and we've been talking about getting married. Guess it doesnt hurt that sometimes we deviate from the person we thought was our type.
oh Resuriann, I'm so very happy for you! I love getting these updates from you and so appreciate you sharing your story and inspiring us all. How I hear you - and I know I'm not the only one! Thank you for your kind words and for sharing my website. I'm so glad you found your way here.
great point! I just wrote to Jane for advice like this: a gorgeous woman where guys only want flings.did it affect you emotionally? Made me quite grumpy.
I occasionally lower my physical standards by 1-2 points but it still hasnt worked. I'm so happy for you though, that gives me hope and Im really starting to lose it! Living in a large mega city, you would think more options but everyones maried to their jobs, and the best guys are JUST VISITING (or transient).
I am tired of men falling in love on the first date, wanting me to change my facebook status to in a relationship after the one date. Asking how many dates do they have to take you on before they get to have sex. I have met online, in public, at work professionally. Rather than throwing up on a guy on the first date and telling him to turn it back a notch your just wanting friends till you get to know someone. Seems everyone wantsto be in a relationship without getting to know you. I am exhausted how can I approach this sexual issue or the instant relationship thing so I can relax and have fun with someone. I would like to go out and have fun without having my defenses up first. I am not in a hurry but would like to get the chance to meet people
This is a very positive and insightful post and it is uplifting to read. After a very long term relationship came to an end two and a half years ago, I joined an online dating site. I embraced the dating world with much excitement and optimism, open to making new friends and developing myself as a person and open to the possibility of learning some valuable lessons along my journey. I was never expecting to meet 'the one', in fact I had no expectations whatsoever and felt very relaxed about the idea of it. However unfortunately, after now experiencing what I have found to be an intense and emotional rollercoster, my enthusiasm and confidence has dissolved to the point where I am now mentally and emotionally exhausted. In these two and a half years, I have had around ten one month flings (ended by a whole plethora of excuses on their part) and one six month relationship which ended abruptly leaving me severely heartbroken. And In between these, a handful of men where despite being seemingly eager to meet again after a couple of dates, disappeared without a trace leaving me bewildered and confused. With each and every one of them, I have invested to some extent huge chunks of my time and energy only to find myself being continually met with rejection. One might ask, was my behavior anything to do with this? Well I have looked at myself very closely and seeked many bits of advice and feedback from my friends in that regard. I can confidently say that throughout any of these situations, I acted anything other than relaxed, positive and what one might call perfectly 'normal' (However there have been many times I have been questioning whether I am in fact anything but). So here I am at 35, still single and now thinking seriously, 'What is the point in dating?'
I would love to read Jane's response to this and to the comment directly after it. I have experienced both of these things numerous times and I still have no idea how to handle these situations.
Thanks for this Jane. I really enjoyed this. I need to start dating the problem is it's hard to meet parole even in the dating sites. Where do you recommend I find these new dates lol?
Typo..... People.....
Hi Chyna,
I totally understand...the question of, where will I meet my soulmate?... or even just a date? is a question I have asked myself many times. I find that just being open wherever you are and being in a place where you feel the most comfortable is a good place to start. It can be the library, the grocery store or a corner bar, if that is where you feel comfortable. A woman once told me that she met 3...yes, 3 boyfriends at the gas station! I have met a boyfriend at the bookstore. He actually came up to me to help me put a CD back because I was obviously confused as to where I originally found it. I met someone at a festival that was going on in our downtown. Really...anywhere...the dog park, church, the DMV. LOL. One of my very best friends met her boyfriend online right when he was about to delete his profile. They are now moving to Hawaii together! Just keep the faith and believe that when you are ready you will meet him:)
Best to you, beautiful you!
I'm glad this resonated with you, Chyna. I second what Kate said - it's so true, and I also wrote a previous post about this that you may find helpful - the best place to find him. If you remind yourself it's about being open to everyone, and not just a certain type or particular people, you'll find it's actually easy to meet many different types of people all with something different to offer. Broadening your horizons - and your mindset - is the key. They don't have to all be the ones that lead to something more, they can just be people who you learn a little more about life from in some ways you'd least expect. Think adventure, experience, fun!
Can't be reminded enough of this
Thank you, Jackie.
Really interesting this topic.I kind believe myself that at this stage I do not know how to date any more .It's not going to be easy to change but I am definitely going to give it a try.Specially because I do agree with what you wrote and because it will only bring good for myself .One of the things that did trigger my attention and is food for thought:"There doesn't have to be sparks. They can come later – and they often do! There doesn't have to be instant chemistry. There doesn't have to be the little voice that rushes ahead and sees the father of your children or your soulmate."
"We need to see dating as more than simply a means to an end...."
I am really glad I came across with your website.
Thank you
I'm so glad this resonated with you and where you're at, Avassaladora. These words took me a long time to figure out for myself, but they make all the difference in how we do this relating, dating, not jumping ahead and getting confused about what we're doing here in the first place. You're so not alone here! Welcome! 🙂
Hi Jane!! I absolutely LOVE this article!!!!!!! Just the energy and enthusiasm you put forth in this makes me excited about the idea of dating. You changed the idea in my head from "I need to find the person I want to spend my life with and none of these people are it so why even bother" to "Hey, I can have a lot of fun meeting and exploring activities with a lot of new people and it doesn't have to be serious at all!"
I love this part: Date often. Date more than one at a time.
It has been a while since I've really dated, and I've been taking the whole thing so seriously. It might take some time to get comfortable with this again, but this article definitely makes me wanna date more without even caring about that elusive soulmate.
I'm so glad, Sky11! You have no idea how thrilled I am to be able to give you a new perspective here! It's what I never understood when I was trying so hard to find my own "elusive soulmate" and it's what I wish someone had shared with me. It's a mindset that changes so much more than you can even imagine now with so much more to come as you step out into this new place of "dating" - not for the search - but for the rich experiences, the living, the life!
Post those beautiful words somewhere you can read them every day "Hey, I can have a lot of fun meeting and exploring activities with a lot of new people and it doesn't have to be serious at all!" Yes, exactly!
I'll be with you in spirit, Sky11, cheering you on the whole way.
This sheds so much light on the anxiety surrounding dating someone new. There is a concoction of questions, like whether this person is "the one" and whether this a first date or last, muddling our ability to enjoy the very act of meeting someone new. Some nervous energy is productive in that it helps you put effort into presenting your best self. Yet, as alluded to in this article, too much can retract from the synergy that you might otherwise have noticed. Great piece!
To everyone, keep your hearts open as love will find you around one of these corners. Don't lose hope; you are all phenomenal!
Thank you, KD! I appreciate your comments here.
Jane,
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences with us.
I am a 50-year-old woman, attractive, successful, fun and intelligent. I have many friends, an amazing family, and a number of creative, artistic and active hobbies that keep me busy and engaged. I have been blessed with good, healthy genes, a satisfying career, and a positive and optimistic outlook on life. I look much younger than my 50 years, I am in shape and healthy and described by many as adorable and fun. Meditation and prayer keep me grounded, my hobbies have me engaged with different groups of friends, I do volunteer work. I have it all. Except that one thing.
I have never been married and do not have children. In my 35 years of dating, I have had a number of long-lasting relationships but none that were able to stand the test of time. I tend to be independent, and in the last 20 years or so, I've become a bit more picky. I don't need a rich man or a Brad Pitt look-alike, but I would love to find a man that I have a MUTUAL attraction with. Lately, the guys I reach out to online, or those I approach in person, are not interested in me. Those who are interested in me are those I do not find attractive or interesting.
Since I turned 50, it seems I'm the one doing the pursuing. I imagine I have a low self-esteem, but you'd never know it. I'm positive and funny and have a good personality. My tastes in men are pretty varied; but I do require physical attraction and someone I find interesting.
How can I remain positive through all this? How can I let go of the guys who are not interested in me? How can I try to stay fabulous (like a Rules girl!) when I can't seem to get anyone I'm interested in to give me the time of day? The competition is fierce; my competition is plentiful and they are all younger and beautiful.
Help?
I hear you, Lynn. Dig deeper into your beliefs about love and scarcity. I know it's not easy to not get discouraged, but that fact that you're here questioning, looking for more, sounds like you're open to seeing things from a different point of view. I suspect this is has a lot to do with what you've mentioned about your self-esteem here; especially when it's this kind you describe - the kind where the surface is projecting one image of yourself while inside there lies a very different picture when you let yourself go there.
There's more there, Lynn. There's a story that's underneath it all. You're not alone here, so not alone. But what if you could sit with the idea that someone who is your ideal match is out there, but he's just not who you're looking for? What if you could find him by looking for the qualities you're looking for first, instead of looking so exclusively for that "spark"?
Start where you are, Lynn. Start with some extra servings of self-love. Look closer at the ones you're dismissing and don't look back at the ones who are dismissing you. Don't call any of it rejection. It's never about you. Don't go to those self-loathing places that so many of us go wondering what's wrong with you. There's nothing wrong with you. There's simply some fine-tuning to be done to the stories and the beliefs and the conditioning we've been letting through our filters without seeing the damage they're doing. There's so much more to your story. And one step at a time, we're going to get you there together.
What if I've known him since February, and he approached me and had been watching me for quite some time
and I found out he was married and
Going thru a divorce so we stop talking in March. Suddenly after his divorce he popped up in the same
places I would hang out and from May we have been heavy communicating. I was kinda sad that
recently he told me that he just wanted a friend. We really enjoy each other's presence.
When he calls me we talk for 4 hours at a time. I can't understand this just want a friend but the actions
are stronger. We never kissed or had sex. But the chemistry is so strong that I feel that I may get hurt
In the end. Are we really dating? What should I do?
Cynthia,
That is such a good question, "are we really dating?". It must be so confusing. Since the guy who you are interested in is recently divorced, I would definitely take things very slow. It sounds like a good thing though...that he told you he wants to be friends for now. I can respect that. I think jumping into a relationship right after a divorce is not a good idea. He needs to sort through so many things and figure out who he is and what he wants. You deserve a guy who is on the same page as you and who wants what you want in a relationship.
Stay being his friend, but be open to dating others as well and take care of YOU because YOU ARE AWESOME!
Thanks, Kate. Cynthia, I couldn't have said this better myself. 🙂
Thank you so much....
Just don't do what I did and ignore the red flags. It makes it hard to set boundaries and in the end, prolongs the agony. If you tend to lack self compassion like me, it can really mess you up. Trust, but verify...that old Russian proverb.
"Trust, but verify ... " Exactly, Wayne. Wise words. I hear you.
oh my gosh its still so painful i can barely type this ....i met a guy on line about 5 months ago he lived 2 hours away but his children lived in my town. Well we met and it was fun times ahead. I slept with him on our third date spent the weekend with him. Oh the phone calls, e-mailing pictures, texting me funny things that he was thinking of me....so much attention!!!! He really was not my type, he had no car, slept on a couch, had no teeth, and no money to speak of because he was supporting his teenage kids, and a really small penis, but i dove in anyway...the i love you's were exchanged and i thought he was great....then after we were together almost every weekend for five months. he started to pull back, i was confused and started feeling insecure. Then one weekend he didnt call or get in touch with me because he was supposedly sick so wouldn't answer his phone nothing,. So my gf called from her phone and he picked up immediately!!!!! sounded like he was in a bar partying like a rockstar. He called me Sunday and claimed his son had his ph9one etc etc. well i said call me if your coming on Friday he said ok babe I love you. That was the last time I ever heard from him. Not another peep......so after trying to call & text & e mail.....i did no contact. Its been almost 30 days and ive heard NOTHING not a word. Needless to say im destroyed lol......i must say after typing this out it looks really ridiculous and I cant believe I was such a idiot...thanks Jane for everything
Sometimes the only way to get through to ourselves is by writing it out, Joanne. I'm so glad doing exactly this helped you see what you haven't really lost so much more clearly. It's so telling to see what we can do for that all out attention, from someone who we aren't even that interested in. But you're so not alone here; so many of us have been there, wondering what we're doing there in the first place. It's never about you, it's about him but I know, you know this 🙂 You're so welcome!
Thank you Jane 🙂
As you know, I've been experiencing emailing and phone conversations with a lovely man who, strangely enough,
is looking for the same as I am and seems to be on the same page as me! This is a first for me! So we met each other for the first time on Saturday afternoon and we were both so nervous, but that's normal for a first date isn't it? We chatted and smiled and laughed and just enjoyed each others company and he asked could he see me again and I told him I'd love to. Then, on my own that night I began the negative self talk "Uh oh I don't think I'm ready to meet anyone yet" " What if it works out, what if it doesn't" "He's too lovely, is he sure he wants to date me" blah blah blah! Then, I caught myself and realised that here's the only healthy available guy I've ever met and I'm talking myself out of dating him!!! How crazy is that?! Someone special comes along, after the painful relationships I've always had, and I think of reasons why NOT to have him in my life! Did you experience that Jane?
Anyway my sanity returned and we're meeting again soon 🙂
It's not crazy, Donna; it's actually not surprising that you have that kind of reaction when you find someone who's different, who forces you to come out of hiding behind a story that can be so comfortable and actually show up with your authentic real you. It challenges us to ask ourselves if we really want what we say we want, if we're up to being our true - real - selves with someone else who's real too. It's what often happens when it's someone different, when there isn't the usual set of personality traits or scenarios that we've gotten so used to calling "love". I did experience that. I had so many emotions come up for me. But I kept showing up, I kept looking at what was in front of me and not what was going on inside my head because it was so different from all the rest. And over time, as we got to know each other, I began to see that I could trust what was happening and I didn't need to keep going back to a different time and place because I was afraid of something different. Live in the moment. Let him be him and you be you and see how it goes - a wise woman told me who knew me better than I knew myself. You're so not alone, Donna! And I'm so glad your sanity returned and you're meeting again soon. Slow - and real - is so very much the way to go! 🙂
What great advice I seldom date anymore I don't have any interest in internet dating and it's hard to find interested 60+men. Recently a guy I knew and dated contacted me and all sorts of things have been running through my head this seems very sensible down to earth advice.
So glad this resonated with you, Jude. Enjoy the journey! Whatever age, whatever life stage, whatever you're looking for, enjoy the moments as you're in them. It is a means, not a means to an end.
I have been serialdating this year and I have met so many interesting man. And they all had there up and downsites. What amazed me was that some where so genuinely nice. Without any conditions. My goal was to meet them and maybe make one or two friends.
I've noticed that when I have this mindset, it's easier for them to like me. A few wanted to be romantically involved. I didn't like to turn them down, but I did. And that feeling of disappointing someone is unpleasant. What can I do to prevent this, should I tell them up straight that I am looking for friendship, but am open to whatever a possible 'click'. Though this one man claimed he was okay with being just friends,I feel he's making all these hints and it makes me feel uncomfortable.
Thanks for another great article, you are my greatest love mentor! Love from Europe
Thank you for your sweet words, Rose. 🙂 Try to look at it this way; you're doing them a favor by turning them down instead of leading them on. Honesty is always the best way to be, and you don't have to feel bad about "disappointing them". You're releasing them for someone that is truly right for them! Just make sure you're giving them a chance and not focusing so much on that "click" or the "spark" that you miss what they might have to offer you. And always remember to listen to what you're feeling; if it makes you feel uncomfortable, dig a little deeper and find out why. There's always a reason!
Am at a place where I not ready to date, but I am at a place where I know that I deserve better. I find that as strange as it seems it can be an uncomfortable at times because who want to go back to old habits that you now realize are unhealthy. I struggle with this every day, but your postings and the postings of others on this site gives me encouragement and confidence to keep trying to find my way. I hope to one day be able to date with confidence and not feel like everyone is my last chance saloon. Thanks everyone.
I'm so glad you're feeling out the support and love for you, Sophia, and realizing you're not alone in any of this. When you're ready, you'll know. Until then, getting to know yourself and taking baby steps to try things out and see what works for you is what this is all about! 🙂
Thank you, Jane 🙂
Thank you Jane....another great article...I have decided to start dating again. This time I will take your advice just date for fun. By dating you will meet interesting people but also use it has networking. This time around I am going to do thing different, why because I want a different result. Again Thanks JANE!!
Exactly, RealDavis! It's in starting fresh with a new perspective - and a focus on having fun! - that you open yourself up to a new outcome. So glad to hear you're ready to discover this for yourself! 🙂
yes i think it changes the way i look at dating, my pathway is that when i meet somebody new i kinda want to be their friend for 6 months n get to know them beta. this week i met 1 guy who was walking back to his office n he was holding a coffee in his hands n was very sweet, i wanted to give out my fb name so he could add me as a friend on fb but he said he doesn't check it often and might see me around near his work
i met guy online who knows my friend n he added me on fb last week even tho i haven't met him in person, he's 10 years older than me which i don't mind. idk if i should go out with him if his 10 years older than me but he's funny, nice & respectful n he finds loyal,faith n looks for somebody who doesn't want sexuality n i'm looking for it too, i don't want any kids someday neither does he, he works 5 days a week n has weekends off, he talks to me in his spare time, last nite i had a long FB private convo with him n he was dead tired n i slept in n he would go on FB chat after midnight but my phone is on silent. if i still like him in 6 months i might go with him if not i will go for someone else. he's trying to find somebody n i'm the same. he smokes but trying to give up, he said he respects me as a woman n i respect him as a gentlemen, he's making it upto me to meet up with him on the weekends, this month is my busy month. he would like to get to know me 1-1 than my friend introducing me to him which i find might be uncomfortable bcoz i would think who does he look like, what does he sound like etc
he said to feel free to give him a chat or even when i'm free n i'm too shy to msg him on FB bcoz he won't reply. i'm only friends with him right now n i have a few things in common. i don't wanna rush into a r-ship, he's had 3 past 1s n i have 5 & i don't wanna push him away from friendship like i did with the last guy. i will give this guy
i try to meet guys at a cafe each week but 1 would read the paper n sit whilst waiting for coffees n i just stand alone n i'm too shy to sit in front of guy who's reading the local newspaper n don't want to disturb him
i'm shy when it comes to meeting guys on their own and msging them for the 1st time & i'm shy to know who he is. i sometimes prefer my friend/s to introduce me to him. i like a man who's clean shaven but the 1 that gave me a FB chat for the night he's a Mostache. i wouldn't mind meeting him but he's only free on the weekends
You're not alone here, Courtney. Try giving someone the opportunity to show some more interest first in you before jumping in and initiating your contact information first, so that you won't be setting yourself up to be disappointed by his response. If you subtly let someone know you're interested, you'll give them a chance to let you know they're interested as well. If they don't, don't take it personally. It's never about you, it's about them. You'll always know if someone's interested in you because they'll make sure you know as well, regardless of how shy you are!
Hi Jane thank you for sharing. I must say that you provide a lot of insight into the world of dating. hate to admit it but I'm guilty of being all or nothing when it comes to dating. I often feel that if someone does not give me the spark I am looking for it is wasting my time. Unfortunately I scare men off because I don't just chill and enjoy the present. When I meet someone I am looking to my future with them. And the sad thing is...its not working. Deep down the men I choose are not suitable. Dating scares me. I think your article will help me to relax and just look at dating as widening my social circle instead of going into panic mode, and trying to map out my future when meeting who I deem "the one", which clearly he isn't because the ones I choose, disappear. I have been thinking dating at 39 is just not fun, because I always want more.
that sounds definitely like me Christina, i'm always in that position as well. most of the guys i dated like to be friends 1st n then disappear n i hate it when guys disappear n i always why? did i do something wrong or bad? the last was interested in me -> deleted me off fb on NYE which i really liked him n tried to add him as a friend every 2 weeks n get my friend request rejected, i kept trying n trying until he accepts me which was my plan n it nerver worked n then on 4/2 he gave me a long msg saying sorry ,move on etc. i would liketo reunite with that guy someday.i always thought he would be my Mr Right n thought of sparks coming to us,never happened,nothing happened between me n him n i was sad n he said "if u r sad don't be bcoz nothing happened between us" please don't reply n don't bother me on here n that put me in tears. ur not alone christina.
I hear you, Christina; you're so not alone! What you described is very similar to the way I used to feel about dating, too - so I understand! I'm so glad this resonated with you because when you put it into practice in a way that works for you, it will make all the difference - and you'll find yourself even looking forward to it. It's not the "wanting more" part that's getting you stuck here, it's jumping ahead to that instead of enjoying each experience for what it is - for all that it can be!
Christina,
I know you can do it! I think just being on this site and realizing that you want a change will make all of the difference. You have so much support here. I personally support you and your search for true love. I am a little older than you and I feel like I am finally "getting it". The more I find things that excite me as well as getting involved with interesting groups, the more I forget to obsess about my love interest. I used to make the one I loved "my world" from the get go and boy was that a mistake! Guys can sense a desperate woman from miles away, so the more you love yourself and the more you get out there and find other things that bring you joy besides the guy, the better off I think you will be.
Best to you! You are fabulous and worthy of an amazing guy!
Beautifully said, Kate. Thank you!
Nice Jane, love it ❤️
I'm so glad, Vanessa; thank you!